A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, i'm 48 he's 50.... we have a good relationship now, but it's been up and down over the years. I work hard staying in shape, looking good and pleasing him sexually. The other night he brought up that he might want to go with the other guys at work to a strip joint, they are all 8-10 years younger than him. I am no prude, we went to strip clubs together in the beginning of our relationship, went through our party phase. We watch porn together that does not bother me. But I now feel insecure and disrespected about him going to a strip club now. I'm older and it's makes me feel that im not attractive enough. Am i being overly sensitive? would like guys opinion also?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): She most deffinitly is not being over sensitive. He has a wife and should only want to see her with not shirt and just a thong on. She has every single right to be upset by the fact that he wants to go to a strip club. I don't wanna sound like a girl that is over protective of her bf , or husband cause im not, but to a STRIP CLUB? theirs no way in h*** a man, excpecially a man thats married to you should only want one opioin and that should be HIS WIFE. Hunn just tell him you are not comfortable with him, and you are hurt by this. I dont think he'd want you going with your friends to see half naked men dance for you? I know i sound like a bitch but if you dont set ground rules for men they think they can do whatever they please.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): If you are uncomfortable with it, you need to tell your husband. Thank him for being honest and telling you, but tell him that if he chooses to go, it will upset you and you will be hurt. That is it. He has that information and it is up to him to make the decision. I think it would be admirable for him to tell the guys at work, that he wouldn't go to a strip show out of respect for his wife. THAT will get HIM respect from his fellow work mates. I also, think that the RIGHT thing for your husband to do, is to consider your feelings and not go. It is a little thing to give up for the love of his life. BUT, if he chooses to go, then it is still his choice. You can just not agree with him, be upset, be upset with him. Then move on. Another idea, is to ask him how he feels about you going to a male strip show....see if he can imagine your feelings. OR ask if you can join them.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 Hi.. Maybe your partner just wants to fit in at work and feel young again.. If you have such a great relationship then you have nothing to worry about.. But if you feel hurt by this then tell him he can't go.. I wouldn't worry to much though as you ovbiously have a very good relationship :) good luck x
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 I think your being over sensitive because your older now and your husband will be looking at younger women I feel the issue lies with you being insecure and feeling you need to try and match the body's of younger women.. Ok he is going with younger guys and without you if you trust him then trust him has he givin you any reasons not to trust him?
Boys will be boys no matter how old they are they love boobs and strippers let him have his night and know he comes one to you
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 If I were in your place, I'd be very sore about it. Actually, it would probably be a deal-breaker for me. But that's not the point. I think you should tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer it if he didn't go, just out of respect for your feelings. If he really cares, he'll understand, even if he doesn't agree with you. And I think that's what a marriage is about. You don't have to agree all the time but be willing to make small compromises out of respect for the other person's feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI already did talk to him about it, but wanted more insight/Thanks for your responses:]
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 OK, it's been a bunch of years since I've been in a strip club. But it's also been a bunch of years since I've worked with younger guys.
I don't know what kind of work your husband does, but it's easily possible that it makes sense for him to be 'out on the town' with junior employees. He's 50, I'm just about there, and I can tell you in all honesty that there is nothing on that stage I care to see. It's just sad. I can't imagine anything happening on the stage that would be anywhere close to what a real, available girl would offer me in our bedroom.
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A
female
reader, jr23 +, writes (22 April 2012):
 It's okay to feel sensitive about it, especially since you are starting to feel self conscious about your appearance due to age. Let's face it, strippers are usually aged early to mid twenties. Look at it this way, though. At least he told you he wanted to go, instead of just doing it behind your back without saying anything. Since he was honest with you, I think you should be honest with him. Don't get emotional or anything, just tell him in a normal tone of voice you are concerned with his sudden interest of going to a strip club because you're feeling less attractive since you've gotten older. But I think you'll find that you nor your attractiveness have anything to do with it. It sounds more to me like the only reason he really wants to go is to bond with the other guys at his work. And if he told them he didn't wanna go, they might joke around and say something like "what's the matter, the wife won't let you go?". Maybe he just wants to avoid the comments, even if they are joking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): It sounds to me like he wants to go because they do, and he just wants to hang out with the guys. But its not wrong for you to feel that way either. Feelings are natural and sometimes you cant help them. So i think you should have a chat with him about it. It would be better to talk it out with him rather than to say ok when you feel otherwise, only to perhaps resent him for it later. Besides if he brought it up to you, he probably wanted to make sure you were okay with it . Just talk to him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): I don't think so...I mean that's kind of a "single" thing to do with the guys. Why can't they just relax at a good sports bar or something similar? I find it really rude and disrespectful for anyone to do that in a committed relationship (especially one that's lasted 11 years). Maybe it'd be different though if you were invited.. Just my 2 cents.
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