A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for about seven months now. We have a very healthy and happy relationship. Recently, though, I've come across a bit of an internal dilemma.She has never been in a relationship with a woman before until me. I thought she would have had a harder time adjusting to it, but she didn't. She seemed to adjust just fine. My problem is this. Her and her mom have always had a very turbulent and troubled past. Very recently, though, in the last month or two, they have become much closer and are spending a lot of good mother/daughter quality time together, and I can see how much that means to my gf. Problem is, her mom has expressed in the very recent past that if her brother or her ever turned out to be gay, she would disown them (she's come out to everyone BUT her mom).Now I'm having a moral issue with myself. I know how happy she is having a close relationship with her mom after all this time. I know what it means to her. And I also know that staying with me in the long-run means her inevitably losing her again, and maybe the rest of her family, as well. I don't want her to lose her family on account of being with me. I don't know what to do. Should I save her the pain and end it now before we go any further? I want what's best for her, and I don't know where I fit into that. I think she'll be better off with some man who her mom will approve of and she can have the best of both worlds. Clearly us being together means her losing something important in the end. Some advice would be great, please. I'm completely torn. Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (29 May 2013):
If your girlfriend is gay then she'll always be. Whether it's you she's with or someone else, male or female, she's gay. Her mother will find out eventually or she'll tell her. I'd advise you give your girlfriend a chance and talk to her about your concerns. I'm mixed race and dated a guy once who was white. His family wanted him to be with a white girl and never knew about me. He was worried how they'd react but he told them. They weren't happy but begrudgingly accepted it. I thought why should I be hidden away because of my race? Don't assume the worst until it's happened. If it does, well at least you're not the one who'll be living a lie. Besides, you should be accepted for who you are and not like a shameful secret. You're both gay not axe murderers....lol
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2013):
 Why do you have to choose for her ? She is a thinking feeling reasoning adult too, I guess. At some point she will have to decide ( now I feel it may be too early, since it is a relatively new relationship and you cannot know yet if it's a forever thing ). It won't be you who MAKE her lose her mom, in case it will be her who after having weighted pros and cons will have decided that she cares more about keeping her relationship with you than that with mom.
Although, I'd be optimistic anyway - parents always thunder and threaten and want to " disown " ... and at the end of the day , they forgive and accept and adjust and understand. Very seldom I have seen or heard of someone totally cut off family because of his/ her personal life choices. A son , or a daughter , is something too precious to lose it over who fucks whom or marries whom etc., and eventually most parents came to realize it. Those who don't- frankly then losing a relationship with them is not such a tragic loss.
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