A
female
age
30-35,
*eautiful_punk_29
writes:I want to become less selfish. My boyfriend goes to his friend's house a lot. And I get mad when he leaves. Like I don't want to share him or something. It hasn't always been like this by the way, just the last couple of months of our 8 month relationship. He knows I am trying to change myself. When he tells me a few days before he goes or when I know its coming, I obsess about it. Constantly. That's all I think about. I get upset and make him feel bad for leaving. Which, he shouldn't feel bad because he deserves to get out every once in a while. Who am I to take that from him?? I don't have any other friends or anyone else to hang out with (gee I wonder why) so that may be a factor. I'm afraid that if I don't change my ways, he will leave me. If someone could please help, I'd appreciate it. Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): I know it sounds total obvious but you need to just occupy ur time when hes not available. Nothing worse than dating someone who doesnt have a life of their own....desire comes from wanting someone that can offer you something....
If he loves you thats great but that wont last forever you have to work on it...Gotta love yourself for someone to love you....so focus on u in those evenings he is out.
Join a club/gym, anything to meet people or to have something constructive to do with ur time.....AND sometimes be busy when he wants to see you......KEEP HIM ON HIS TOES!!
Nothing worse than ur man thinking he can just call and u'll always be available!
Its tough and we all get jwealous but to a certain extent we all need space and we get different thngs from different people....he cant be all things to you and vice versa!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Yea, you gotta change girl! My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterdat over the same thing..he said i didnt give him any freedom or trust him enough. Although i had my reasons, i didnt want him goin out with his friends because i thought he might cheat on me. If you feel that this is the case you should voice your concern to him and let him know why you are acting the way you are. I didnt. If you dont want him leaving just because you dont want to be alone, i suggest you find another hobby, a book, hell..a tv show that he doesnt like watching that you do so you can occupy your time with something while hes out. The best thing for me was to go out with friends as well so i didnt feel so jealous. I know its hard, and if you have trouble finding friends, have your boyfriend see if his guys have girlfriends that they can introduce you too. Maybe you all can go hang out together! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): It's good that you understand how he feels. You should pick up new hobbies or old ones you forgot about when you met him. Try to hang out with other friends when he goes out. I know from my own experience that when your boyfriend/girlfriend goes out with other friends you can get jealous, but you'll feel better if you also go out when he does. Like somethingeasy said, time apart is important. You two could grow tired of each other if you only spend time together.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (23 October 2007):
 You can take this as a learning situation. In any given relationship there has to be a trust factor and time to breath. You also need other friends, and cant be soley dependent on another person. Smother someone to much will cause the person to want to leave. You are young and will grow more as a person with each relationship you have. You just have to learn.
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