A
female
age
41-50,
*bby27
writes:I am in a relationship with the best possible guy i could be matched for. We are now also doing bible study and im connecting to myself spiritually. But im noticing my fear of my need of wanting to be intimately involved with other men. I used to be quite permiscuous before meeting my partner and now after a while of being in this committed relationship im realising my constant craving to want to have both my partner and to sensually and emotionally help other men in my life's journey. It feels strange that i feel it is what god wants me to do. To be a healer for men through my care and affection. Im still getting into religion. Can i talk about this with a priest. Im confused about who i really am at the moment. Has anyone else experienced this?? It's hard for me to explain, but I feel the need to connect to certain men on a physical and emotional level. It gives me satisfaction and sense of purpose. Do you think I can chanel this energy into another positive area. Being in one relationship forever, I fear going back to my dark days of being sexually repressed, unhappy and unhealthy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Funny that Abby,I know what you mean about erotic massage. I did that to guys when I was in my teens, it stopped them asking for sex and allowed me to keep my clothes on. Yep, it's very addictive to give pleasure to someone.You need to create a new you, here is a website that will help. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcomeYou could also consider taking up non-sexual massage (I do aromatherapy massage) which will allow you to experience the pleasure of giving but keep it in a safe place.Stop letting your emotions and past/current situations drive you. Start thinking about the woman you want to become, and then build her and create the future you truly want.Good luck babes.
A
female
reader, Abby27 +, writes (15 April 2011):
Abby27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your reply. It means a lot to me.
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A
female
reader, Abby27 +, writes (15 April 2011):
Abby27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Miamine. My dark days was when I was sexually inactive at 18-20. I was completely put off by men after my first break up and as a result became a doormat who everyone walked over. I had no self esteem. People started to use and abuse me at work (not at all sexually) because i was feeling so low i let them and thought i had no way out. Then i rebelled and started erotic massage which saved my life. I suddenly discovered more areas of my personality and how i like to work by going through this free stage (and im not talking about the erotic part here). But as a by product i am now sexually hooked as a result. I have a major fear of going back to the suicidal days. But then again i wonder if i was only like that because of the break up. I have spoken to a couple of counsellors but they just sat there the whole hour and then asked me for my money. I think ill ask the priest. Thanks for your advice.xx
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 April 2011):
I think you need to speak to either the priest or better still a counselor. You have mixed up sex, love, affection and doing good. Many women do this. I'm not religious, but you don't help men through sex, only prostitutes are in the position to do this. You need help with your emotions and motivations. Many abused women think like you do, they sleep with every male friend they have because they haven't learnt how to say thank you. To you, sex is something you give to a man to pleasure him, rather than sex as a spiritual thing you do with one man as a commitment, or sex as a way to please yourself.Your thinking isn't right, you need to talk to someone who will help you put sex into it's proper place.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 So being promiscuous is your dark days, where you felt sexually repressed, unhappy and unhealthy. Yet, you want to continue with "physically healing" men? So you want to continue to be promiscuous?
Men aren't helped by a woman sleeping with them. How do you even know if they need your help? This isn't God placing his will on you, this is you seeking male attention to feel gratification. Gratification you are unable to find elsewhere in your life. You are a reversed version of the knight in shining armor who always seeks to help a lady in distress. You want to "help" these men, and by helping you mean fun in the sack?
Look at it logically, how do you really think that helps anyone? It doesn't. People with problems need to deal with their own problems, and if they are unable to then there is nothing you or anyone else can do for them. You can not help those who do not help themselves. And even when you do offer help, I am without a doubt certain that sex isn't the right way to go!!!
If you want to connect then give them a hug and have a heart to heart conversation. And keep your legs crossed. Then find something else that is actually meaningful to spend your life doing. You do not help men by doing what you want, you are only feeding yourself the feeling of purpose. But it has no purpose! It only satisfies YOU. So, find something else to do that actually will matter to those people you want to help, including all people like old ones and children and women in need, not just certain men who want to "connect" with you and use you.
You are the one who has a need for constant connection with other men. These other men do not have this need to connect with you. Understand that.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (14 April 2011):
I will say this, and people can debate about religion all day. That's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to answer your question and I will give my answer, razor sharp. If you feel the need to be with other men sexually and emotionally then the one you have is not the one for you; you are not ready to be monogamous. I personally am not for open relationships because they can get complicated and destroy love, much like a behind the back emotional/physical affair can. Only certain people WITH certain types of marriages/relationships can do this. Not to go too much into the religion part but if you're doing Bible study then you are going to church, right? I think the church would frown on the whole promiscuous thing... Anyhow, personally, I'm of the opinion that as long as you are not hurting others you can be as promiscuous as you want. Some people aren't meant to be committed to one person but you should always be faithful to ones you are involved with. What I mean by that is whatever you agree on with one person (I'm going to see other people, I'm not ready for committment, etc), you should then be true to it. To do that you must be true to yourself first. That, my friend, is the main point of my entire reply. I wish you luck with your decision.
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