A
male
age
30-35,
*oungdad
writes:When I was 17 I got my then gf who was also 17 pregnant. We were young and didn't use protection. A few weeks after my son Shade turned 1 we broke up and she left Shade with me and moved out of town. My parents were really supportive and helped out so I could go to college. On my 19th birthday I found out that my then gf was pregnant (we were using protection). We broke up before my son Sloan, was born but we get along great and I have always been very active as a parent. A month ago we decide that we would try to work things out and get back together, one thing lead to another and she jsut told me that she was pregnant. I still have one more year left to school and I don;t know what to do. I can't tell my parents that I am about to be a dad again, I'm not sure I can handle this. I know that you all will say that I should have been safe but its to late for that now. I just don;t know if I can be a dad to 3 kids. Our relationship is far from solid and I don't think that we can handle the stress of a pregnancy right now. I really thought that I was doing good, I was a single dad, finishing college, I was going to get a job, move out and just support myself and my sons, but I'm not sure if any of that is possible now. My dad is going to lose it as soon as he hear that I am 20 and going to be a dad for the 3 time. Right now I just feel like giving up and saying screw it because I have pretty much screwed up my life worse then ever now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): if u didnt think you could be a dad to three kids you should habve thought about that before one thing lead to another. Your lucky to have parents that support you. Adoption is always adoption.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 WEAR CONDOMS
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Aw c'mon, dont be like that. I know you are young and feel you have put yourself in a corner, but like it or not, you ARE the father of 3 children, so perhaps try to look for some positives in this since you can't change the situation.
For starters, you get to be one of those youthful dads who have the energy to keep up with their kids, play sports with them, ...maybe you will still be up for boy's nights out when they are old enough to start doing that.
You will also probably have them all out of home doing there own thing by the time you are 40, and then get to have the best of both worlds, ...you have not missed out on kids, and are still young enough to use your freedom to enjoy a time of life when others are in the midst of all that kiddy raising stuff. My own son will only be starting school by the time I hit that age and I will practically be a senior citizen by the time he leaves home.
Your parents are still around too to see them grow up and help you raise them, as they already have been doing. When my dad was dying one of the few regrets he mentioned that was making him sad, was that he had really been looking forwards to doing the grandpa thing and especially teaching my son to ride motorbikes. Your kids and parents are going to get to have all that stuff, ... and they will love it too, ... so try not to stress too hard on their reaction, coz they will get over it and just get on with enjoying grandparenting.
Even if things don't work out with the girlfriend, no reason why you guys can't still stay friendly as you did last time, so remember you are not raising them alone, wether with her or not. If you're not, she is most likely still going to want to share the parenting, and that means you will still also get free time for yourself and to one day get in a more stable relationship with someone else.
So, don't give up, ... just keep looking to the positves where ever you can find them.
In future tho, I suggest you be a lot more vigilant about birth control, use condoms on top of another form, be more involved if it is the woman taking it to make sure it is something adequete and being taken properly, ..and I am not sure if it is true or not, but someone was saying on here the other day, there is now even hormonal birth control that men can take. If so, fabulous, you can be proactive in making sure that YOU don't end up a parent again until or unless you want to.
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A
female
reader, marie-joan  +, writes (22 April 2010):
you didnt screw up your life. you just made it challenging. Don't throw in the towel yet because it will get better, stay with your girlfriend but also finish school because you won't get anywhere without it. Look at your parents, they were able to help you out in your time of need and wouldn't you want to be able to do that if your son ever needs help? Your parents will love you no matter what happens their actions up to this point proves they truly do love you. I know you are in a tough spot but you also need to remember to be supportive of your girlfriend and be there for her. Things will get better over time, you will have to tell your parents and they will still love you and support you so don't worry about them. Worry about your school and someday being able to support your sons when they need you :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 April 2010):
Definitely don't give up. You're really close to being finished with school and if you give up, you'll be giving up on your kids. Yeah, your parents are probably going to throw a shitfit...because let's be honest; she's pregnant AGAIN out of carelessness. It takes two, besides using protection or the leack thereof (I guess you mean a condom), they do give out birth control like candy at places like Planned Parenthood, so she wasn't being very smart either.
A lot of people finish school while having children. Even though you're young and the circumstances with your parents makes it even harder since they've been so supportive and now you have to drop the bomb of another kid coming into the picture, you have to tell them and they'll be upset at first but then they'll get over it. It's better that you can finish school and get a good job in the future to support your children instead of giving up and working a job where you can barely support your kids and still wind up being supported by your folks.
I think before you tell them, if you don't already have a job--get one. If you already have a job, get another that's flexible enough to also work around school that way you can let your parents know that there's another child on the way, but you've taken on a job (or another) to help with the expenses and that you fully intend to finish school. That way you can show some extra responsibility in an irresponsible situation. I know it all sounds overwhelming, but it's just ONE more year out of the many years you have ahead of you. You can do it as long as you stay positive and focused.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2010):
 You know...vasectomy is a good option for you, Mr. Fertile. SEX is RISKY, dude! Your dad *will* lose it. First time is a mistake because of your age, but after that, you knew what you were getting into every time you dropped your drawers. Maybe instead of giving up, you GIVE UP SEX! There's no birth control that's 100% effective, and obviously, you suck at using condoms. Why 5 minutes of pleasure is worth the risk is beyond me. As far as you don't know if you can be a dad to 3 kids, there's no "I don't know" about it. You're a dad to 3 kids. You now live FOR THEM. Your choices have consequences, but there will still be good things in life. Kids do grow up, and you'll be happy you had all 3 of them. Do right by them, and they will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life.
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