A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel embarrassed to be asking this but I'm so grateful to have the Internet and be able to ask anything anonymously.I worry about this question not being taken seriously and I worry that no one will believe me. I'm 30 years old and I've never slept with anyone. Never had intercourse.I was never saving sex for marriage, per se, but as a teenager I promised (myself) that I wouldn't have sex with just anyone. I realized the emotional consequences of having sex and I felt that it was something that needed to be saved for someone you mutually and truly loved. I didn't want to engage in risky behavior with someone I didn't love enough to marry, and get pregnant with their kid or catch an STD and spoil my chances with someone that I truly would love. I never imagined I would still be a virgin at the age I am now, and it's so embarrassing. I don't regret that I stood my ground but I feel bad about myself because I couldn't seem to find someone that loved me back. I feel like a loser. What I can't explain is why I've never experienced sex with a man, but in spite of all that I am longing to. I can't say I know what it's like. I'm confused and don't understand how I can have these feelings.I had really horrible luck with guys... it's like I'm cursed. I understand that not every man that I love is going to reciprocate my feelings. I get that. I didn't expect a whole handful... but with the three billion guys out there, I can't find a single one that loves me back. That's all it would take... just one. I'm so frustrated. Sometimes I feel angry when I see friends of mine who didn't take sex seriously and had recreational sex and who are now married and have husbands that love them, while I did the right thing and I can't even get a date. It seems so unfair. Why would a person experience sexual tension if they have never had intercourse in their life and don't know what it's like.I've been feeling tense and angry all the time and I wonder if this is why. In the town where I live, there are no decent guys. There aren't any attractive guys, and there are no opportunities to meet people. Sometimes I feel so sad because I feel like I'm going to die and never experience physical love. I feel like a loser! Like I said, I don't regret standing my ground but I'm concerned that I'm not normal. There was nothing wrong with waiting to have sex until I found someone who loved me... but I should have found someone by now. I would like to experience sex with a man, but I waited all my life for someone to come along that I would love mutually with my whole heart. After all this time, I don't want to throw it all away on some guy who's going to walk away and forget about me or throw me away like garbage. I want to be loved and cherished. Lately, this need has just been driving me crazy. I feel tense, and angry all the time and I wonder if I'm crazy or a horrible person to feel this way. I'm not sure if my moodiness is the result of sexual tension and I feel confused as to why I have these feelings. Am I crazy? Why am I experiencing these feelings? How do you deal with them?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): No you are not crazy, physical contact does not mean much, you will understand it later on. I am 30 and i regret that i lost y viriginity. It is crazy, but you are just different and it is a very pleased feeling to know that youm are vergine. you will find someone soon, do not worry.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): First of all let me tell you that I have a lot of expierience dating women, and I mean just dating women. I have a lot of expierience having sex with only one woman but I have had sex with some others. What I can tell you is that I have known a lot of women that feel like losers because they don't have a boyfriend. That's just insecurity talking. You could have just picked any guy up at a bar or something if you just wanted to have sex. You wanted your first time to be with someone that you cared about. Let me tell you what happened with my wife and myself. When we met neither one of us were virgins. We had an instant attraction to each other. We started having sex after about a month of dating. As time went on our bond became even stronger. So don't wait for the 'perfect guy' or the 'perfect moment' because they don't exist.
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 honey, i think you are putting far too much thought and emphasis on sex. i can understand your frustration as you have had years of wondering but i think the more you worry about it the more up-tight you will become and the more frustrated you will be.
i think that it is great you have decided to save your virginity for someone you really love, i wish i had done the same.
throughout your question you repeatedly stated that you think you are a loser. it sounds to me like you have low self esteem and that in itself will hinder your chances of successful relationships. you need to build your confidence in yourself-that in turn will help you on your way to finding a person to love you back.
You need to meet guys. join some social clubs or try online dating. ask friends if they have anyone they can set you up with....but i really think you should work on your self confidence before you pursue this.
just remember....YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!!
and as for the sexual frustration....you can also take part in a little 'personal time' and relieve your own frustrations until someone else can do it for you
good luck and feel free to write again if you have any more worries xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): You're not crazy at all. It's a very good thing to wait for love to show up first. It's a good excuse as to why a girl hasn't had sex yet. So throw the 'loser' tag out the window :)
You sound like you live in a small town. Thought of shifting, or internet dating sites?
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