A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a virgin at the age of 21 and always feel embarrassed talking about it. I've never done anything with a guy...But I've met a guy and we get on well... however I'm afraid of having sex. I don't know why. I just think he will just want that. And I might feel used..He wants me to stay over at his and I've said no and explained to him. He didn't seem to care that I was a virgin. Anyway, he's asked me again and I do want to go.. just not sure if I would want to have sex with him just yet.Also (and this is sorta personal), I'm not a major girly girl so I'm. Or as tidy as most guys might look for down there... if I'm honest, I don't know what to do with that... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 February 2017):
 First; Congrats on retaining your virginity, it's sad to see how many don't these days. Your husband (when that time comes) will be so appreciative. Nothing to fear about sex. Of course there's always the fear of STDs, etc. but other than that sex is ab extension of love. If you're not in love yet , then delay it until you are. At that time you'll know and every ting you've ever feared will melt away like the morning dew.Best wishes.
A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (21 February 2017):
 It seems to me that you are interested in this guy, but not ready for a sexual relationship with him. You need to tell him this and see how he reacts. If he's genuinely interested he will stick around. If he just wants sex, he won't. Sleeping over is probably not a good idea if you are not ready for sex with him, it could make things awkward and put you in a difficult position.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 February 2017):
 If you don't want to feel used:
- do not stay over a guy's house unless you want sex; that's what he wants
- do not have sexual contact with a guy until you've been officially dating as a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend) for 3+ months
If he can't wait to have you stay overnight, he just wants sex.
If he hasn't dated you properly, asked you to be his girlfriend, etc., he's just interested in sex.
Please don't be naive about this, OP. How would he benefit from you staying overnight, unless you had sex with him? He wouldn't. Wait until you're in a proper relationship before becoming sexually active.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2017): Having sex for the first time is an important deal. You should NEVER have sex with anyone because you're afraid they want it or won't stick around if you don't put out. Some people don't care about their first time but it sounds like you do.My advice is to wait until you're perfectly comortable with a partner and have an emotional connection before going all the way. Make sure you talk through your concerns first and take as much time as you need. If this guy leaves you for not having sex, it's his fault and you're better off knowing now.Be careful with sleeping over. It's easy to talk things through via text and it's a lot harder to not get swept away in the emotion of the moment and give into something you might wind up regretting. I suggest creating boundaries and hard rules if you do sleep over.Be good to yourself and you do what makes you happy on your time, not his or anyone else's.Take care.
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