A
female
age
36-40,
*suders87
writes:Sorry if this is a little long I just don't have anyone to talk to about this issue and I can really use some advice. I'm 24 years old and I currently live in Texas. I was born and raised in PA but I moved to texas about 2 years ago. When I was 17 I met my boyfriend and soon after I started getting into some trouble with drugs. He didn't have a job so to support our habit I started dancing. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 19 and cleaned up completely and a few years later we decided to move to Texas to try to get our lives completely back on track. Everything was perfect for a while. He had a good job and I was finally the mother I wanted to be. Not long after that my boyfriend lost his job and at the worst possible time I became pregnant. Although I moved here to get away from the lifestyle,with no family near my new home and no money to pay our rent, I decided to go back to dancing. I really didn't want to but I was pressured back into it from my boyfriend and his sister. I worked at the club for a few months until I was showing too much to do it any longer. Luckily my boyfriend was left $25,000 from his dad and we were able to live off of that for a while. In April I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!! Everything was great again but with the added expenses of a new baby our money soon ran out. With two kids to support and my boyfriend not even looking for a job I decided I had no choice but to go back to the club. I worked there with the promise from my boyfriend that he would soon find a job so I didn't have to do it for long. I ended up working there for over a year and I don't think he even put in one job application during that time. Everything was good financially, we had more money than we knew what to do with but once again about 3mos ago I found out that i'm pregnant again!! I talked to my boyfriend and we made a plan. I was to work at the club for a month until he could find a job. I am now 18weeks pregnant and he still hasn't even tried to look for a job. In my opinion I am too big to work now and I really just don't like dancing while i'm with child..It is very dangerous,degrading and humiliating. I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about this but he just gets mad and won't listen. Today when I told him I wasn't going back he refused to talk to me the rest of the day, and when he did it was only to make a smart remark about how irresponsible I am for not dancing anymore. His sister is also a stripper and he has been borrowing alot of money off of her so now she is also upset with me for not working. I really don't know what to do at this point. I have no family here so i'm starting to feel like everyone is against me. To be honest if he was atleast trying to find a job I might not mind working for another few weeks but all he does is sit on his butt and play on the computer, then he gets mad at me because I want a better life for myself without stripping!! For instance, today his sister dropped off her car so he could use it to go job hunting, as soon as she left he laid down and went back to sleep. Needless to say he didn't go to look for a job but yet he spent the whole day arguing with me for not working. I just don't understand how he could be that way. A normal guy wouldn't want the mother of his children to take her clothes off for money, yet he is the complete opposite. His sister keeps getting on me about it too, like i'm such a bad person because I don't wanna dance anymore and with no family support here it is really breaking my heart. I could always move back to PA with my family but my boyfriend says that he would never let me leave with our children so now I feel stuck in this terrible situation. I love him very much and he says he loves me too but how can he love me if he treats me like that? I almost feel like he is pimping me out and his whole family is ok with it.I feel like he uses me dancing as a way to not have to work, even though he knows I hate it, even though he knows I cry every time I have to get up on that stage. It got so bad one night that when i told him i didn't wanna work that day he forced me into the car and drove to the club. He pushed me out and left me there with no way to get home, figuring I would just work while I was there. I dont understand why his sister gets mad at me for wanting to do something better with my life but she doesn't say anything about him not finding a job. I really need some advice. I don't know if I should go back to stripping or not. Should I go back to work or should I find a way to leave him once and for all? I have thought about leaving him many times but like I said before I have no family here. When I try to leave I have him and his whole family doing everything they can to stop me. They even went as far as taking my kids knowing I would never leave them. Please help me!! I really don't wanna dance anymore. I want to go to school and do something my daughters would be proud of but i'm not sure if now is the right time. I do feel like they are wrong in doing this to me but everyday I have so many people telling me that I need to dance to support my family, that i'm a bad mom and girlfriend if I don't,and even though deep down I know that they are wrong, hearing it so many times has made me start to believe it. Should I go back to dancing?? Should I stay with my boyfriend?? Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time out to read this.
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drugs, lost his job, money, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): Okay Honey!,1. This is absolutely NOT normal. I know it feels kina normal, after all, this is your everyday life and you see other people living similar lives. But out here, on the outside, where people go 9-5 to work ...this is absolutely 100% NOT normal. He is treating you like a cash cow. He cares very little for your safety, self-respect, health, confidence. He is not willing to get off his lazy butt and find work to support his family. Instead he is being selfish and ABUSIVE.2. So put aside any love or feelings you have for him. Just know that this is NOT normal and you have to act on it. Call your family, tell them you are coming back. Pack up your kids, get into the car and LEAVE. NOW. LIKE 5 minutes ago. Make sure he isn't home. Love is kind and loving, he cannot love you if he is allowing/forcing you to strip (while pregnant at that!!).3. Once you are with your family, you need to set up an action plan. Mothers always get custody of the children. The courts will side with you, especially if they understand this whole situation.4. Get into school. You have three kids to support on your own and honestly long term, dancing is not sustainable. You'll get older and you'll make less money. Go back to school, get good grades...go into nursing or dental hygiene where you can make great money supporting your kids.5. Do not get back with him. It's unforgivable what he's done.
A
female
reader, Melody066  +, writes (18 May 2012):
Dance until you have enough money saved up for a plane ticket back home for you and your kids. You need family to support you.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Hey sweets. Ill acknowledge respectfully youve made some very poor decisions. However i see youre learning here at the expense of some harsh emotions. Your bf is trash. His actions clearly say he could care less about u or the kids. As a parent there are many responsibilities and he is undeniably lazy to encounter such. As a man with a legal background id highly suggest u speak with a family law attorney. The fact u hold a job and ur bf doesnt and refuses could be a big plus in helping gain custody. The attorney could also help with the family issue about not leaving. This will cost money n u will have to dance. I recommend u leave this man and others behind and become a single mother of three. Surround urself with better ppl doll and ur life will be easier.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 If you feel as if your bf is pimping out of you , well, I guess it's because he IS pimping out of you.
50 Cents would tell you " I don't know what you heard about me
but a bitch can't get a dollar out of me....
...Look baby this is simple , you can't see
you fucking with me you fucking with a P.I.M.P. ".
Get the hell out of there. It's difficult for you, it's hard, I know, pregnant and with two kids.
But you have to do it - because of the kids.
Your bf has amply shown totally allergic to work and totally immune from moral scruples.
Who can tell you that in 12 years time he is not goind to send, in fact to force your daughters to go stripping for him ? The only thought he'll entertain about it is that it's a great idea and they should start early, because the younger , fresher and harder their bodies are, the more money thet can bring home to poor old pimp daddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Oh my goodness...you are in such a mess...Can you go back home? Can you get support from your family? You are in a real abusive situation and you need to get out...this man is useless and he, I am sorry, is a really big loser...he is lazy, he is encouraging his girlfriend to be a stripper, he can surely father a child, but his lack of being a responsible additonal financial provider to the family is pathetic. His job is to find a job and he needs to do that until....I realize that you love him, but what he is doing is not love. This man needs a reality check and someone to slap him upside the head to grow up and be a man and take care of his family!Give him a timeframe...either he gets a job within, say, 2 months, or you are gone...you cannot live like this anymore and you want better for yourself and the children...they should not have to grow up living like this. And please, stop having more kids...seriously...you are bringing another child into this world who is going to grow up in a very unstable home along with the others...break the cycle, get some help and do what you can to change this life of yours around and make a difference...don't be another statistic ....you seem like a very hard worker and can probably do very well on your own if you put your mind to it! Take the help where you can get it up until you can get on your feet...good luck
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A
female
reader, WS +, writes (18 May 2012):
 How can you believe this guy loves you when he treats you this way? that isn't love....sorry! He is using you so he can sit on his lazy butt all day! No MAN would do this to a moman he loves and his family backing him up is a disgrace!!! Implement the help from your family in PA and get out...you.can do this and get you girls with help and planning! Your children deserve better and so do you...give them a Mother to be proud of. Run....do not walk away from this relationship...no good will ever come from it. Best of luck to you!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Just get your daugters in a car, say you're going to the park or something and leave. I don't think your bf cares that much for you, he doesn't care how degraded or humiliated you feel and seems to see you as some sort of cash cow that allows him to sit on his butt playing computer games. Do you really see him suddenly changing?
He is your pimp, not a caring considerate partner.
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