A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with this man for going on 5 yrs. In that time, we've had 3 children. Our 2 oldest, he was a great father. After our youngest was born this past yr our parental duties have seem to become a lot more one-sided. I understand hes stressed as he has to provide for our family. I'm a SAHM to save money for daycare. I've embraced the whole housewife lifestyle very warmly and I know how great it is to be able to raise my children. But oftentimes, I struggle with loneliness, with having no one but small children to talk to. His work often takes him on long road trips and he's away a lot. Sometimes we're able to travel along, but I often feel like more of a burden when we do. I feel like I'm updating distant relatives rather than a partner/parent. I've often thought about leaving and going home where I'd have more family support and could work also, but I love our family, when we get to be a family. I feel selfish for feeling this way. Is it really as big an issue as I think or am I just being irrational? Advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): You should look at it the positive way. You are also working. Your work is looking after children. It is a full time job and by doing that you are releasing your husband to work also. So really you are also contributing to the family budget indirectly if you think. To overcome boredom you should use the time when your husband is around to go out all together on a picnic or just drive around town and have a coke and ice cream, do anything just to escape the home environment. My wife and I when our kids were small and we were young too we were in a similar situation and we just used to party at home some evenings, we would have soft drinks and desserts for the kids and some beer, we would light candles, turn off the lights, and put on some pop music and simply dance and go wild in the sitting room at home, the kids used to love it and we would release all tension and stress. It seemed there was always someones birthday to celebrate at home. Actually the possibilities are endless if you decide to entertain yourselves. Also remember as Honeypie says that once the kids start school your work load will be less and you may have a few hours aday quality time for yourself. Just one small final piece of advice if you don't mind .and that is get married. It might be ok for you but it is unfair for the kids to grow up knowing there mom and dad were never married. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2019):
 Get an occasional baby sitter so you CAN get a little "Me-time". Like go to the gym, go for a cup of coffee, a walk, whatever.
And then TALK to your husband. I GET that he is working HARD so you can stay home and take care of the kids, but HE is still THEIR dad and THEY (and you) STILL need him to be PART of the family. Talk about moving CLOSER perhaps to your family, IF it is realistic with his job as well. If not, THEN you! (yes YOU) need to build a support-net where you are. Find mommy & me groups, get out of the house, with the kids.
You are not selfish for feeling you need more support and to not always be the ONE who does ALL the kid-related work.
I have been there done that. My husband was gone more than he was home, that is just the "military life-style" and I was FAR away from my family, friends and support-net, which makes it much harder too.
YOU made a choice to not only have 3 kids, but to STAY at home with them. Make it work. And if it REALLY doesn't... Then re-think that plan. Maybe find a part-time job that PAYS for the daycare (and a little extra) and try that out.
And don't think HE is liking being away from you all either. I don't think many dad who travel or work long hours, rather be away.
When he IS home (and have had some rest too) let him take over with the kids. Maybe start with some one-on-one things with one kid at a time. The older kids will benefit more from it then the wee one. But that doesn't mean the little one should be ignored.
And DO find time to HAVE some date-nights with your husband (even if it's just out for a dinner or lunch) while someone (babysitter) watches the kids.
Being a SAHM is VERY repetitious. Having a CLEAR and workable schedule DOES help (or at least it did me). With #1 and #2 I used to clean when they were napping. When #3 came along... well, I'd either NAP with all of them... Or just relax and read a book. Doing 15 min. burst cleaning here and there when they were all occupied. Of course once it works well, they schedule changes. THAT is life.
It won't be long before #1 starts school (or even pre-school) which is GOOD for the kids (on a social level) and good for the sibling and FOR you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2019): You're not a housewife OP; you're a lonely house-girlfriend raising children for a man who is almost never home and you're not married to. You should move home nearer to your family, with your kids - stay at home parenting is isolating if you don't have anyone living near you. You shouldn't have to break up with a boyfriend who is never home in order to keep your sanity as a SAHM.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 January 2019):
 Day care once a week and start a group hobby or job. Being a stay at home parent often means the partner contributes the paid job and you cover almost all of the parenting. It’s hard work, but that’s why day care once or twice per week can be worth the cost or you do get lonely and your world revolves solely around others.
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