A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting. It turns out she has saved his number all this time (why I don't know) as she says she is just 'friends' with him. I'd noticed his name in her phone months ago when she asked me to check her doctors surgery number and I asked who he was and she said that it was someone she )used to go to school with (which is a blatant lie!) She texted him first last week asking how he was and he replied saying fine etc which seemed innocent at first. Then he said that he had always wanted her and wanted to 'f*ck her so much'. She replied do you actually and how much do you want me? He knew she was with me because of her Whatsapp profile photo of the two of us. This sort of talk went on for a bit until he said 'do you want me?' and she replied 'just sex?' He said yeah, then she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away.' I only unlocked her phone because I had a feeling/suspician that she was texting someone behind my back due to her Whatsapp last seen times changing very frequently (when she hardly used it prior to this other than to text me.) If I hadn't had unlocked her phone (which I know was wrong) then I don't think she would ever have told me that she was texting this guy. I caught her and she kept saying that I have crossed a line by doing this......a bit hypocritical since she first engaged in flirty/sexual texting and essentially emotionally cheated on me behind my back! She has said that I have betrayed her trust, which yes I have, but she in turn has done the same to me because she betrayed me first. I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually. Yes, things haven't been great between us, but we have got past rocky patches in the relationship. Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 January 2019):
 You were both in the wrong. Next time, if you have strong suspicions like this, end the relationship. No point in lowering yourself to snooping. Just end it. A good and healthy relationship will never make you doubt (unless you have jealousy issues, in which case work on yourself). Snooping and going through other peoples private information is a deal breaker just as much as cheating. Because you are going behind someones back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): No, OP!! You are not wrong snooping! If you don't take care of your own heart, nobody else will, not especially this cheating slut you've been involved with! She was leading this guy right down the path to the forbidden fruit! Intention to cheat is cheating! Classic cheater move by turning the tables on you! It's her fault. Instead of lining up some other dude, she should have left you first! Or at least tried to work it out!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 January 2019):
 Wow, you had already had "rocky patches" in a relationship which lasted only 7 months? Walk away. You are wrong for each other.
You WERE wrong snooping on her, regardless of how you try to justify this. Unless you get a grip on that side of your personality, future relationships will suffer as a result.
Your girlfriend was wrong too for flirting so blatantly with another guy while in a relationship with you.
Thank your lucky stars the relationship was only a short one. Draw a line under it, just as your ex already has, and move on.
Why would you pick out a male name on her phone and ask her about it? I have LOADS of male names in my phone but my partner would never dream of interrogating me about them but then we trust each other. If you suffer from trust issues as a regular thing, you need to address this before looking for another relationship, otherwise it will only end the same.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 January 2019):
 Yes, I think you are BOTH in the wrong.
I don't think you have ANY right to unlock her phone and go snooping. Ever. You aren't her husband or her parent.
That doesn't mean I think what she did is OK either. Personally, it would be a deal breaker for me and I would END it ASAP. Just no point in wasting my time on someone who is cheating on me behind my back. It's not OK.
You have only been dating 7 months and it was ROCKY already? So why go through all that snooping and stuff if things really weren't working?
Even if you two DID have "rough patches" it doesn't EXCUSE her behavior. I think she "left" the relationship a lot sooner than you think. Which is probably why she is making this all about YOU doing wrong and taking NO responsibility.
LET her go. BLOCK her and move on.
And IF you EVER find yourself in a situation where you think your partner is doing something "wrong" TALK to them, don't go snooping. Let them have a chance to show YOU that they didn't do stuff behind your back.
YOU can not HAVE a healthy relationship with someone if you think snooping and checking up on them is OK. All it does is create distrust. And you CAN NOT prevent someone from being a SHITTY partner by going through their phone or e-mail or social media.
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