A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I know how pathetic this sounds but I am so fed up with being single! I am 25 and a single mum, and just wish I could meet someone. People tell me am pretty but yet no one asks me out! I was with my daughters father for 2 years and he was a lot older than me but then it turned out all I was was sex to him! I honestly think to myself must be so unattractive or dull that no one is interested in me, I try to take care of myself, make-up, hair dressers, keep myself in shape as much as I can with a 2 year old, so I think why is no one attracted to me? Or interested in asking me out? I have been single for 1 year now and not as much had anyone even flirt never mind ask me out or anything. Sorry how pathetic I sound but I don't think am ever going to meet anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want to so thank you to thoose who took the time to answer, but a bit annoyed that some didn't read my post correct. I am in college full-time and my daughter attends nursery, But I am studying teaching and it is an all girl cla, Also my daughter's father does pay for her but has no interest in seeing her. His answer to everything is to toss money at it, an idiot of a man tbh. Also I attend church which my father is the pastor so I can assure u I have always had a loving father. But other than college and church I don't really go anywhere else unless it is for my daughters hobbies. Thank you anyway.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): At the risk of sounding moralistic and judgmental, you really should be devoting all your efforts to being the best mother you can be under difficult circumstances rather than being on the prowl for strange men to introduce into your daughter's life. Your child's emotional well-being and best interests take precedence over your love life, or lack thereof. Is baby daddy active and involved in his daughter's life? If not, is he paying child support? If not, are you fulfilling your legal and moral responsibility as a mother by pursuing all legal avenues to ensure that the father is contributing financially to the fullest extent of his ability to pay? Your seemingly desperate need for male attention and your failed relationship with an older man make me wonder if you grew up as the child of an absent/uninvolved father and so are unwittingly perpetuating the cycle by passing on your unresolved Daddy issues to your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I would like to think I don't come across desperate, I have never and would never make the first move or make it obvious I like a guy tbh. I am at college and the course I am on is all girls so not really any chance to meet anyone but I have some good mates that come over to hang out and girly stuff with them, also the only place I really go other than college is to Church which am involved in running a few things for them. I am not the type of girl who goes to bar etc, having a kid that's obviously out of the question. Just isn't much chance of me meeting guys at college or church. Tbh. And yes my daughters father did tell me we didn't have much in common which took me back. I do get really nervous round new people and it takes me a while to come round to them tbh lack of confidence I think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): I don't think you sound pathetic, but I think you're focusing too much on appearance and dating over what really matters right now: your daughter.Don't get me wrong; I'm not suggesting you're neglecting her. Not in the slightest, but a year is not long to be single, especially with a young child who is dependent on you.Don't let dating "plague" your mind. Going on dates is still okay, but getting frustrated about it isn't going to help you or your daughter. Dating isn't the most important thing in your life right now so try to forget about it and maybe join a new hobby for yourself (if you can afford childcare) or with your daughter, like an art or music class/group.Meeting FRIENDS might help you, particularly fellow single parents. Don't despair over dating, it's nice but not majorly important while your child is so young. Friendships and support are more necessary to keep your sanity and be happy :)And, like I said above, it's not all about looks. Lots of people won't approach someone they don't know anything about. That's why you should get out there as a mother, THEN as a single woman. When you stop thinking of single as being a bad thing, you may just find someone wants to date you.... But you MUST stop feeling down about it; it's not the be-all-and-end-all.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (27 March 2014):
Female Anonymous wrote some pretty good stuff, I would also add a bit from my point of view as a guy in your age range.
We guys don't go only after looks, personality is important for us to, well at least for me. I do not know how you look or anything, though if I see a women who is pretty beautiful, perfect skin and such, I'm not going to bother try flirting with them. Too much beauty is a turnoff for me, don't know about other guys.
Besides this, a child in your age range is also something a guy is not directly fond of, gives us the impression that others are just there to help raise the child, not for anything else. Sure there are guys who would like to do such, but they are rarely in their mid twenties.
What I wrote may sound harsh and negativ, but remember that everyone is different and by constantly looking you'll forget other important stuff in your life. Being desperate is a huge turnoff, so please stop looking actively, do it as a side thing, but don't throw yourself at guys who might show interest. Take it slowly and keep your head up high!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): You say: "I honestly think to myself must be so unattractive or dull that no one is interested in me" Then you go on to say how you take care of your looks, but that's all you mention. You didn't mention anything about yourself as a person. It's great to be in shape, and take care of your physical appearance. However, if you're too focused on that, is it possible you haven't developed your personality? That is something guys would find "dull" or "unattractive", is a girl who is obsessed with her looks and doesn't really have any interests. I'm not trying to be mean, or saying this has to be the case. I just find it concerning you only focused on your looks in your post.
As for why you're not getting approached, it could be a number of reasons that do technically have to do with your looks, but NOT your level of attractiveness. It's possible you look like you're trying too hard, and therefore come off as uptight and uncomfortable with who you are. Or you look "high maintenance". If that's the case, it doesn't matter how beautiful you are, a lot of guys won't bother with you because they think they wouldn't be able to keep up with you. It could also be since you're so eager to meet someone, you come off as desperate. These are all things that will make guys run in the other direction, and none of them have to do with you not being beautiful enough.
I suggest you take a moment to just think about things that interest you (besides meeting someone). I have a feeling you haven't thought about anything else since you and your boyfriend broke up. Well, it's time. You might surprise yourself. I think you had other interests before, but you've forgotten about them because you're so focused on this. You're still hurting from being used by your ex, and you base your worth on how attractive you are to guys.
By the way, I'm curious as to how you know he only used you for sex? 2 years is a long time to date someone just for sex. Did he tell you this, or are you just assuming because it "seemed that way"? Did you not do anything else together? Do you think it's possible your age difference was the problem? Age difference can cause problems in a relationship because depending on how big the gap, you lack anything in common simply because you grew up in different times, and are at different stages in life. You said he was "a lot older", so how much older are we talking?
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