A
female
age
36-40,
*zrlinz
writes:Hey everyone...I am in desperate need of help. I am a self proclaimed "clingy girlfriend." I have been with my man for two years and some, and I have always been that girl who needs to know where he is, who he's with, what he's doing, what time he will be home. I have trust issues with him, as he kissed another girl while drunk at a party. I did forgive him, and have worked through it, however I still have that little voice in the back of my head every so often. I love him very much, and even though there are things I do not like about him(i.e him shutting down emotionally during a fight) I do accept him. I do believe in my heart that he will not cheat again...however when I pull these moves like crying all the time, constantly needing affection, and worrying about what he is doing, I think I will push him right out of the door. How do I stop doing all this? How do I make my relationship better? How do I make myself better? :( Help!
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (14 October 2008):
I am wondering how you were before he cheated? Did you act the same or different?
The way I see it is, he broke your trust. He is the one who did something wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. You dont need to 'make yourself better'. You are great the way you are. Your bf did something very horrible and its understandable that you will find it hard to trust him again. Building trust again once its broken takes alot of time and not everyone reaches it. How long ago did he cheat?
I guess what it comes down to, is your bf keeping his promises, not doing anything suspicous, and him making you feel like you are valued.
I am wondering if his cheating affected your self esteem? My guess is that it probably did. So you should try working on building that up again. Read some self help books- there are plenty out there which are great!
Once you re-build your self esteem, and your bf shows he is trustworthy, then maybe you can trust him again.
But sometimes that cant be done and it may be time to move on.
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Hi, First of all, all us have problems making relationships work, so don't beat yourself to death over it. Next, you have to ask, why are you like this? Is it because, it gives you comfort to know that your boyfriend is some place, that you are aware of physically? Or if it is a trust issue as you said, why don't you trust him? You seem to have had the trust problem before he kissed this girl, so it is not about cheating, in my opinion. What I would think you need to do, is work on yourself, you are feeling that they (men) will cheat on you, leave you or a combination of both. Something while you were growing up may have saddled you with not believing in people. That, you have to change, you have to take a leap of faith, and believe in the person. If you decide to be involved with them, trust them until they give you a reason not to. Next of all, don't look for a reason to not trust them. Finally I would think that you should build up your self esteem, you are deserving of a person who will not cheat on you, and that is where it starts, not in the other person, because none of us can control someone else, we can only control ourselves. If the person loves and cares for you, then it is my belief that they will try to be faithful in that relationship. Then it's up to you, because you are saying to yourself in esence, if you don't trust them, that you are not worthy of someone being faithful to you. Think about it, if you let someone know that you don't trust them, then what happens, they may go and play the game since they feel that you have given them the name. You have to have faith in the person and go on about your business, who would want to be worrying about a person cheating on them all the time, better to be alone. Build your self esteem,
go to the library or buy some books on being self confident, practice saying to yourself, I am the best, I will have the best in a relationship, and you will change. Go to www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137, look for "Finding Your Core", it may help you. Take care and keep in touch. You can and you will be able to change.
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A
female
reader, ms.sherri +, writes (14 October 2008):
 The 1st step is u recognizing your faults. Everyone must learn themselves and their place in this world and in their relationships. U r not at fault just in the process of learning. If u want 2 keep ur relationship the 1st step is 2 be secure within yourself. Get into good hobbies, girlfriends and do positive things. Ur man is a part of u @ not all of u. U have so much 2 offer this world and once he sees u growing and changing 4 the better, he will be a wonderful part of ur life. I am sure everything will work out in ur favor. Huggs. Toi
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