A
male
age
36-40,
*-need-help
writes:Hi, I'm a married guy of three year's and been a secret cross dresser for 15 year's. The problem is my wife has caught me and has said if I don't stop then she will divorce me. When I spoke to a friend about it he asked to see me dressed up, he also offered me £40 to give him oral sex.I'm tempted to do it but don't know what to do. I love to dress and I love my wife so I'm torn. Should I sell myself or try and ignore my desire to dress?
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (25 November 2012):
Dear i-need-help,Yes, you withheld your love for crossdressing from your wife, and you shouldn't have. But I guess that maybe you hid this from everyone until now, since you know very well that a lot of people find this weird. I have a fetish for male crossdressing, had conversations with some CDs and also an affair with one (yes, dear agony aunts, there ARE women like me). So I know how ashamed a man can be about this and how much he can try to keep it a secret. I guess that crossdressers often have difficulties opening up to their environment.If I was you, I would completely ignore your "friend"s offer to pay you for oral. What kind of friend is that? I mean, you talk to him about crossdressing and he suddenly sees you as a whore now? This is just another difficulty you don't need in your life right now. If you want to prostitute yourself and be used as a sex object, I promise you can still do that later in your life. There are plenty of guys out there who'd pay you for blow jobs, so there's no rush. You're in the middle of a troubled marriage, I'd focus on that for now.Even if you're going to get a divorce, which I hope you don't have to, it would be better you could sit together with your wife and talk about this like grown ups. Ask her about her feelings and listen carefully to her reasons why she considers a divorce over this. Listen to her opinion about crossdressing in general, and her opinion about her husband doing it. Try to understand what she feels, what she is going through.Also, make her understand your reasons. Explain to her why you kept this a secret, explain to her why it was so important to you all those years. Apologize for your mistakes and aknowledge her pain, but also be honest and realistic about what you can change and what you can't. If crossdressing is a really big part of your personality, you shouldn't lie about it anymore. Keep me updated and good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): Your wife and yourself need to go to counselling .. You need to work through your feelings and urges and see whether your love for your wife is enough to curb them.. Your wife has to work through whether she can accept how you are or help you stop or draw a line under your relationship and move on..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 ****Should I sell myself or try and ignore my desire to dress?****
To answer question #1 - No, it will ONLY make you feel worse. AND really, do you think you wife would be MORE OK with the cross dressing if she knows you are prostituting yourself to friends? Yeah, I don't think so.
Should you ignore your desire? Now this is a hard one. To be frank, I wouldn't be happy if my husband decided he wanted to come out of the cross dressing closet all of a sudden. I think you SHOULD have told her BEFORE marriage - that way she could have decided BEFOREHAND if this was a deal breaker or not. Apparently is it. Maybe that is why you never told her?
So here are your options:
Keep cross dressing and divorce your wife.
Stop cross dressing and stay married, but I'm not sure the marriage will last. I say that because 1. YOU withheld the cross dressing aspect of your life when you dating and then married her - that is a HUGE deal. 2. You might not be able to NOT resent her for her "refusal" to cooperate/share with you in this. Do you really think you can give it up after 15 years?
I would suggest you find some forums that deal with cross dressing and talk to people who do this and STILL have happy relationships.
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