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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm going out with this girl a year now and it has been tough and great at the same time.We are best friends and lovers in each others life, but last night we had a big argument about her not being fair with me.You see, we live 30 mins away from each other, both have good jobs and transport each. The thing is, is that im always going to where she lives for our dates and most of our courting has been there, but she wont associate herself with my family or come to my house. She has before come down, but not for last few months.Im always doing things for her out of unconditional love and she knows how I feel about her, but I never see her doing the same for me.She says that she loves me very much, but I dont see it, as you know: "Action speaks louder than words", all I do is hear it but dont see it in action. These things might be the most simplest that you do for someone in a relationship and I have shown it alot to her, but she doesnt in return.What should I do?Does this woman really love me or not?Lately shes happy when things are going her way all the time, and when I try to talk she claims im attacking her.I love her very much and there is a strong bond between us, but is it really fair that Im doing all the work in this relationship and she is taking me for granted? Need good advice on this one please, as we could be moving in together soon?What is true love in the actions of what a person does for someone?
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reader, jerry.2231  +, writes (23 March 2011):
yes... it seems like one sided love... it's the same in my relationship too. it seems as if it's always me going out of my way for her, but it's never the other way round. no matter what i do, it's never enough & even then she calls me 'boring'. have you found a solution to your problem man? this one sided love sucks. i only hear her love in words, never in actions...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Words are most profound and have strength and power when the one saying them is willing to act on them.
I think you have to realize that this may be who she is and how she is. That for so long, you have done things the way she wants that this "sudden" change offends her.
Maybe she expects the man to be the one changing and the one who is more willing to do more. If this is the case, then is this something you are willing to accept and work with.
If you are not happy now and struggle with this and honestly believe that this is the reality of your situation; then moving in will not solve this.
I think telling her how you feel and getting counselling; as a different point of view from someone who can hear your side and relate it to her, would help.
I think you are struggling with how to relate your feelings to her in a way she can understand.
Part of most communication problems is when one can not understand what the other is saying especially when the one trying to relay a message is not able to relay it effectively.
I think she does love you just, is she capable of loving you the way you want and need? I'd ask yourself that before asking her.
And unconditional love does not mean "keeping score" of who is doing what and who is doing more. She may feel and think the same way.
I'd ask her why she doesn't come down anymore. I'd tell her to be honest and open as all relationships need this in order for them to thrive and grow. I'd also be prepared for her answer.
Most things in this life are designed to be overcome. More often than not, we were meant to succeed. (Of course failing isn't so bad as most people would like to believe, we were meant to fail now and again so we will be more receptive and appreciative of the times when we succeed.)
You can make this work; you have shown the desire for it to work.
Just know that you may be the only one who sees a problem and therefore you are the one responsible to fix it.
I have to say it as it came from my Dad; a most wonderful and loving man.
My Dad's advice " there is no greater joy then when you discover that the only way you will ever be truly happy is when the woman you love is happy. No greater peace when you realize you have the power to do the things that will make her happiest."
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