A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's been four weeks since I split with my ex. I can now see what a damaging relationship it was. She had so many issues, played so many mind games and lied so much that I can now see that I should have got out much sooner.I have not made contact with her, and have no intention of doing so at all. However, I have been asked out on several dates in the past week. Should I go? I do not want to get into another relationship right now, but feel that it might do me good just to get out there. I am not the type of guy who sleeps around at all, so that is not my intention. But I don't want to get stuck in a rut. Also, I am a recovering alcoholic and I always fear that this will become an issue with people. None of my friends are bothered by it, far from it. I have not had a drink in 3 years and stick to a recovery program. Do I need to be open with this issue straight away, or should I save it for later?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): I've been in my fair share of relationships, If I were a recovering alcoholic,I believe I would wait to get to know this person better,be affectonate if I felt to but hold off on the intimacy until I could be clear if I wanted to go farther with this person. At that point if I did want to start a meaningful relationship with her and before I becam intimate I would tell her my situation.
She has a right to, so put all your cards are on the table and she makes her own choice for her future. There are risks involved for both of you but honesty is the best policy at the right time. People have to see people for who they really are and decide mmmm do I like this person, do I want to hang with this person.
The being compatible when just meeting and enjoying things together and liking each other , talking together , becoming buddies, that out weighs the sex. The sex has it's powerful role as well combined with the right growing friendship, YeAH that's what I call a slam dunk.
good luck to you both
Christine
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Hi I am a 53 year old male and also a recovering alcoholic. I have been divorced now since last October. I got out there right away and started dating. I found it very difficult that as soon as I was too honest with the woman about my disease she wanted nothing to do with me.
Now through the grace of God I have met a woman in Sarasota, FL. and I own a home there who has the same amount of sobriety as myself. I am moving to Sarasota and will continue to keep my home in IL. where my sales people will work out. I can talk about the program with this woman that I love who is also in recovery and we go to meetings together and can be a support to each other. She also very much loves God like I do.
It seems as though God has finally answered my prayers and is giving me direction. I could not tell you the number of times I have relapsed since age 32 years old.
I take celexa and trazadone to control my depression. I am having difficulty having an orgasium but hope that this goes away.
If the woman is not an alcoholic don't tell her anything about your disease until you feel she trusts and loves you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Definitely wait. Without a doubt. You run the risk of alienating yourself from someone who you might actually have a lot in common with by unloading something that heavy right off the bat. It's easy enough to skirt that issue for a while. If you bring it up too soon, you may never know what could have happened.
Too much honesty too soon is not good -- dishonesty is not good, but a little delay of the truth is probably not a bad idea here.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (20 January 2007):
 How soon you disclose your past is down to you but I would not do it on the first date!
If you meet someone where you see potential for a relationship then you will be respected for being honest from the begining.
The fact you have been sober for three years which is long time makes a lot of difference, should be seen as a strengh not a weakness. Good for you!
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A
male
reader, Say It Straight +, writes (20 January 2007):
fistly congratulations on 3years sober your obviously a strong person:-)
Being a recovering alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of,quite the obvious in fact. If your going to date honesty is usually the best policy,if the person you like cant deal with your past they're probably not right for you. Just keep the explanation simple and if shes curious/your comfortable you can explain further.
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): I am a recovering alcoholic myself. Been clean and sober almost 2 years, so congratulations. Three years is awesome!! I would choose to tell the other person myself. That way if they are going to judge me, they can do it before I get involved. I don't want to be with anyone who would have a problem with it. I would just say that I don't drink due to past experiences.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I would be inclined to say to be honest about it from the start. If you're honest and people run away screaming that's their problem but if you're with a special person and don't tell them until much later in your relationship then you risk losing their trust. If the person is really into you your past shouldn't be a blip on the radar.
CD
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Hi, first of all Id just like to say how well you're doing as regards the alcohol. I know how hard it is. My ex partner was an alcoholic so well done for not having a drink in three years. As regards accepting other dates, I think that if you want to go out and have some fun then go for it. It doesnt have to be serious and it will do you good to just enjoy your life without any ties and you deserve it after being in such a distructive relationship. as to whether or not to mention about you being a recovering alcoholic well I think its better to be upfront especially in a situation where alcohol is involved. You dont have to go into great detail about it, just say 'I dont drink alcohol anymore. I had a problem with it' Any decent person will respect that and will admire your strength. One day you'll be ready for a relationship again and will meet someone who deserves you but unntil then have fun, take care and enjoy your life! Good luckx
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