A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi. ive been thinking about doing something like this for a long time, but ive always put it off. basically i started having feelings for my teacher about three years ago when i joined my school. pretty soon it developed into a full blown obsession, and i never thought anything would ever come of it. i did stupid things like deliberately get myself thrown out of lessons just so i would be sent to her. we became quite close after a while and became friends.soon it wasnt long until we were texting and emailing each other on a pretty much daily basis, and i started seeing her outside of school as well. at the time i thought i was loving it, but deep down i was so confused and didnt understand what was going on. soon we were going out for drinks etc, and the whole relationship started to get a bit sinister and i felt that it was wrong. it all started to show at school, i was getting into trouble again and was practically failing in all my subjects. it makes me so angry because i think she thought that she was helping me in some way.. anyway i cant remember at which point it all got too much, but i made the decision to leave school. i told my friends and family (and her) it was cos i didnt think i could stay another year without getting expelled- partially true, but deep down it was because of her. i thought leaving the school would get me away from it all, a fresh start., but realistically i had no clue what i was doing.. i just knew i had to get out. part of me wanted to never see her again, but the weaker part of me still needed her.. and i ended up still seeing her, in fact more often than i wouldve at school and this time alcohol was always involved in our meetings. its been a year since i left school, i barely see any of my best friends that i left behind there.. and i feel completely and utterly alone. i still see her and its making me so depressed, i just dont know what to do.. someone please help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Stop putting all of it onto her.
You are old enough to take your share of the responsibility here.
Should she have let go as afar as she did? No. She shouldn;t have.
But should you have persued her in any form? No. You shouldn;t have.
All I see here is you trying gain sympathy when you are as equally responsible for your current depression as you teacher is.
Get over yourself.
Flynn 24
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This doesn't happen often, but yes, sometimes relations between students and teachers can go too far. Your example is exactly why we many of us on Dear Cupid don't agree with intimate relationships between students and teachers. You go to school to learn, she goes to school to teach. It doesn't matter whether you have feelings for her and she has feelings for you. At school the only important thing is the education, the more you learn, the more qualifications you have, the better job available, the more choices in life you have, and the more happiness and opportunities that become available to you.
This hasn't happened in your case, this teacher has behaved badly, she has allowed you to sacrifice your education and your future happiness, and has given you little in return. Not the first time I've heard this, here please read this post about a young lady that has done the same thing, and gotten herself into a bit of a mess.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-falling-for-your-teacher-is-never-good.html
Right, that's the past, the new year is nearly here, your young and you have plenty of time to put your life back on track. There is more to life than just this woman, there are things you want to do, things you want to be, goals you want to achieve. What are they? I'm sure you want to do more than end up as a badly paid alcoholic who lacks friends or a stable romantic relationship in her life.
1) Education: You need education. In the 21st century it's the only way to get a good job. Term starts again in January, I don't know how far you are into your studies, but you could try to enrol in school somewhere else. Otherwise, your next date to join school is next September, probably college with older people would be better for you. Go back to school in September, start to apply as soon as the prospectus comes out in August 2009.
2) Employment: You don't seem to be doing anything useful with your life. If your in a badly paid job, I want you to start attending courses and training at work to build up your experience and your CV. If you have no job and are stuck in the house, I want you to start applying for jobs. Any jobs, things you think you can do, things you believe you can't. I want you to send out at least 3 applications a week, and hopefully in a months time you should start attending interviews, and within 3months you should be in paid employment of some kind. You have a new job, your job is to look for a job, and take it very seriously. I want you to become the expert in how to get a job and to present yourself at interviews. Go to the library or the job centre, they will help you to fix your CV and they will provide plenty of support and advice.
3) Hobbies and interests.. Pick one up. I don't care if it's knitting and sewing, computers, making dolls, learning to cook.. I don't care, as long as you enjoy it and it helps you meet new people and learn new skills. How about you go swimming once a week, swimming is cheap and it helps you keep fit. Something to keep your mind and body active, something more interesting than just sitting at home and drinking alcohol.
4) Diary Planning. Get a new diary for 2009 and set yourself some goals. What do you need to do next week to achieve the tasks I have set you, what do you need to do next month, where will you be next year, in five years time, in 10years time. I want you to set some goals to achieve, some for right now, some for the next couple of months and some for the long term future. Write down these goals and try to focus on them and achieve them. Getting a better education and a good job should be two of the goals... Consider also the opportunities for people your age, which includes working abroad or opening a business, for which the government and charities provide lots of help.
5) Regularly visit your library, your local youth service (connections) the job centre and anywhere else that tell you about the opportunities that are available to young adults like you. Before the age of 25 there are many, many things that institutions will help you with. You have many opportunities open to you, stop wasting your life and start trying to achieve something that you can be proud of.
The woman, that teacher.... she means you no good. If she was a friend, if she cared for you, she would be helping you achieve things in life. You need to break away if you can, start hanging out with your old friends, try to make some new ones. If you can't well, no problem, eventually you will realise that this woman is no good for you. In the meantime, try to do some of the things that I suggested. Your deadline is Boxing Day (26th December 2009) come back here and tell us what you achieved, what you are doing and what has improved in your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Stop seeing her go back to school! or go to another school, get more friends go to college, idon't care just start living again!
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