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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm a sensitive guy but I think that it's working against me cos I see most of the girls go for guys that treat them badly.I know that I sometimes over analyse things and I'm maybe insecure in some areas. I'm generally very confident but my relationships have never lasted past 9 months. I'm feeling like I'm never gonna find happiness. My confidence is at an all time low.I just want to find some fulfillment in a relationship.How can I get over this feeling or should I just try and change this 'thing' about myself?Thx in anticipation for your time and advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thank you ladies! I truly appreciate your effort and advice.
I am guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve and losing the mystery early on in my relationships (this I plan to change)...
My last relationship started really well and we we were very close, although when things got rough I became insecure and that pushed her away. I have regretted doing that a thousand times over. I'm hopeful that we will get back together again sometime in the future.
'Accused' agony aunt asked me to mention my positive traits. I am caring, kind, considerate, creative, confident, loving, romantic, tall (and good looking - I hope), ambitious, playful, funny and intelligent (whoa!). Oh, and I'm a single south african.
Thank you once again.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Please do not change this "thing" about you. The right woman will fall in love with you for it.Being sensitive is a virtue in a men not a fault. Girls that tend to fall for bad boys are the ones who need to change their masochistic pattern.Just be yourself and you will find the right one sooner than you think.Lots of hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, accused  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hey there... I am interested ,to know your positive views on yourself? I have listed all the (negative) words you used to express your question:
over analyse..insecure.. relationships never lasted past 9 months... never gonna find happiness...confidence is at an all time low...want fulfillment in a relationship...
I am going to tell you what I think. It seems to me that you get in a new relationship, you ANALYSE and find all the flaws, when you find the biggest one or the one that has fallen thru in the past, You become INSECURE, which leaves you feeling like you never gonna find happiness, and there goes the confidence. You've listed all the negative things you felt were the reasons that relationships didn't work for you, and it called these reasons (SENSITIVE).. untill you address the real reason why you have insecurities, low self esteem, or any of the negative traits above, your going to stay on this merry-go-round... Stop over over analysing things! If a woman you are dating says she is tired and does not want to go out, then leave it at that! SHE IS TIRED and thats it nothing more nothing less.... Its nothing to do with you, your looks, your sensitivity none of that. I can tell you this from a womans point of view its very tiring when you have to keep reassuring a man that what you say, is what you mean & nothing else. To find true fulfillment in a relationship, you have to be content with yourself. You can't compare every relationship to the last, if you do that then you are already starting to break the relationship down. REMEMBER THIS:
THE MIND IS A MAGNET, AND IT WILL ATTRACT TO YOU EXCATLY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING...
I hope I've share something positive for you. If I can be of any other help just let me know...... GOOD LUCK
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): What contributes to a woman thinking this way and loving a bad boy? Not using her senses, thinking with her heart, emotional immaturity and her own lack of self-esteem are very huge motivators. Add to that the inability to rationalize and recognize abusive behaviour and having a very screwed up view of love. But it derives mostly from her not asking herself --why "she deserves this crappy treatment?!". Some women never realize that when a man makes them feel this low -that this is not love-this is just something insidious. Women like this sometimes get stuck in this cycle of abuse, low self-value, their entire lives. That type of lifestyle then becomes a familiar pattern in her life (if you can call that a life) and then again...some women get smart, they mature and say 'enough' to the man who treats them badly.
A lot of these women crave the exciting feeling..the challenge of possibly changing this bad boy into a good, decent person. It's a useless way to think and serves no purpose in her life, does it now and she will get absolutely no lasting value out of a man like this. So there you have it, hun. Take heart...if you are a guy who is wondering why the 'bad boys' get the prize...guess what..she's not a prize at all! And neither is he. Sad but true. You want the girls who have confidence, who are independant, have self-respect and pride. It's those girls you will 'not' see with a jerky bad boy. She'll go for an amazing, wonderful guy like you. Guys like you make the best husbands and the most loving fathers. I know, I married a nice, sensitive man back in 1978 and let me tell you..he is the best father I could've ever given to my children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Well, that is a difficult question, am I too sensitive and do girls really prefer guys that treat them badly?
Because you are sensitive and a genuinely nice guy, you may be attracted to women who are the opposite of you, a girl that is self-centered and over confident...if this is the case, pay attention to this and see if you don't see a pattern with your dating partners, and if so, try to find someone who is a bit more like you and you should find it easier going.
If you lack of self-confidence is making you too clingy or pursue too hard, you can change this about yourself quite easily and try to be more of a friend first by taking care of a girls emotional needs through attention and caring listening etc....until she starts to rely on you and trust you this will make her passion for you grow stronger....remember in the early stages of romance, it is human nature to want most what you cannot have, so be a bit elusive and mysterious about your feelings, don't wear your heart on your sleeve and pressure a girl about how you feel about her too soon, try to feel her out about how she feels and go from there....most women long for a great boyfriend, but they want someone who is strong enough to take care of them, not some insecure baby that they have to coddle....makes sense doesn't it? Most healthy women do NOT want a man who will treat them badly, and if these women you are referring to are that type, then they are not of healthy self esteem either.
Hang in there, you will be fine.
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