A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’m in mess. Me and my bf have been trying to make things work and it is getting to the point where neither of us know what to do. We have quite conflicting personalities but we are also similar in some ways. An example would be that I fell in love with him quickly whereas I think he took a lot longer to fall in love. I am still in love with him but I fear his love for me has faded. I feel very sad and I’m crying a lot. We are still very close, although I know this sounds like a contradiction. I posted on here a couple of weeks ago explaining what had been going wrong. I was drinking too much and although I have told him I will go abstinent, I find that I cannot. He doesn’t know this. I have tried AA meetings but I hated them and the people and I won’t go back. It’s not actually that I am an alcoholic it’s that when I drink too much ( this is about once a fortnight, roughly but sometimes less) I become really irrational. I cry and get depressed and do strange things. Which is why I have promised him I will stop drinking, but I miss it. I miss having a couple of glasses of wine when I get home from work. Anyway, loads of stuff has gone down between us – I have been unfaithful (not sex, and he does not know) – drink related, I have lashed out at him, I have checked his phone. All done when I have had too much to drink. I had a mental breakdown and am waiting to see a counsellor. I have tried psychiatric drugs but the side effects proved too much and I had to stop. I am getting all the support that is available to me in the UK. I have hoped that things would improve between us but they havn’t . I asked him today what would he do if I suggested to split-up and he said he’d agree to it. This has devastated me. I’m in love with him. He has told me that he loves me too but I do not know how much longer I can go on with this pain. At the same time I feel the same way about not having him in my life, I don’t think I can cope with that either.I’m not exactly sure what I am asking on here and maybe none of this makes sense but it just helps to post sometimes, a cathartic outlet. I feel in my heart that I will never meet anyone like him. we both want to have kids. I am 38 and have not had any yet, this upsets me a great deal as all I really want from life is to settle down, get married and have kids. Is that so wrong? I am not a very dynamic person and I feel tired a lot more than I used to.Any useful thoughts on this would be helpful. Please don’t be harsh with me. I am a gentle soul, I just get crazy when I drink too much as I have anxiety and depression issues. Thanks for reading. God bless.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I read your question and it definitely sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. You've stated that you've tried AA before and it didn't work for you. While, from the sounds of it, you aren't a bonafide alcoholic, I do think you have some issues with chemicals.
You've stated you have dabbled with drugs and that you drink to excess. It sounds like you are self-medicating when the pressures of life get too much for you.
I am almost wondering if you should go see a professional. You may have some bi-polar / depression issues that only a professional can diagnose and treat.
In regards to you and your boyfriend's relationship: only you can determine if the relationship is worth saving. Is this the man of your dreams? Do you see yourself with this man long term? Do you communicate with one another? Are you relatively drama free? Can you see yourself living like this for the next X years?
It certainly sounds like you have some soul searching to do and perhaps a counselor would be the best place to start. There may also be some good books for you to read as well. But I think you need to be a source of "stability" before you enter in a long-term relationship.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Basically you have a lot of issues. Only you can sort yourself out and you need to do that on your own ideally. Drink seems to be a big problem. You often seem to do things when you are drunk and regret them. So you should give up alcohol. No man is going to fill that hole in your heart, you have to love yourself. Then you can make a relationship. I know its not easy. I do not mention your boyfriend because I think you have to deal with the issues in your life before you can expect to deal with a relationship. Learn to love yourself.
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