| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: My fiancee and me are stuck in a rut. We have been together for 3 years and we have never really been ok for the majority, its nothing like it used to be. I know all about the honey moon period and all that stuff... but still i'm really confused!!The problems after about six months of being together, she stopped showing me any affection! It seems like its me always making the 1st move. We hardly make love any more (for a couple who are both 21 years old...seems really strange to me) i miss simple things like if she just kissed me on the cheek or a little cuddle. i dont have a clue what to do?I have tried talking to her, but we never get anywhere because she doesnt really see it as a problem. She tends to just say "yes" to all of my questions without seeming bothered.Lately, the only time we have sex is wen she is drunk, which is really hurting me the more i think about... it's making me think is there something wrong with me?!We used to work together, and she was finding it difficult, so i left a job i loved for her. I would do anything for her...I love her more than anything, but it just seems like its all one way traffic.I've tried talkin to friends and family, but all they say is "finish with her" but i just can't do that.Please help!!
View related questions:
drunk, fiance, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Have to agree with Harshbutfair. Can you imagine what a miserable life you will lead if this goes on forever. I know it's the hard thing to do, but it's also the right thing to do. End it.
Best of Luck
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 January 2006):
 You proposed too early. You're no longer in love with her(or vice-versa). You're too scared to admit you screwed up and got it wrong. The manly thing to do would be to call off the engagement, have fun and be single for a good while, then get back into the dating game and don't even think about another engagement until your late 20s.
But...
I'm guessing you're weak willed and kinda scared of rejection so you probably won't do that and will snooze along into a tired marriage and a crushed, miserable existance of a life. Don't say you weren't warned.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 January 2006):
Hi there,
It seems you are trying to look for a way to solve the issue in this relationship so it can be more succesful like it use to be. I can deffintly see how her behaviour is hurting you, thats hwy something needs to be done about it.
In a relationship both people need to be working at it, both people need to be participating and have there hearts in it! Unfortunatly, it sounds like she isn't all in it doesn't it?
Darling I think that if anyne is going to make this relationship better, it is up to her, you have tried and obviously the issue alies within her.
So I think what you have to do here is talk to her, again. You need to point out some of these key points-
-You feel that something is wrong with you due to you both hardly have any sex.
-You find it offensive that you only do it when she is drunk
-She doesn't put in any effort
-You always make the first move
-Things use to be way different, so its not like she is incapable of being like the way you would expect her to be, so what has changed?
I think you just need to say either she works with you to fix this, because you aren't happy and you know what she probably isnt either, or you leave. I know thats hard to handle, but unfortunatly, love for somoene isnt the only thing you need ot make a relationship work! Both people have to want to be in a commited relationship, there has to be trust, respect for each other, good communication, and dedication.
I understand that you can't just let go like that, but thats whhy you should talk to her again, put all yoru feelings out and tyr your hardest, then if ntohing changes, make peace with yourself that yo utried your best and there is nothing else you can do.
The fact that your family and friends say you should move on is a huge indicator that perhaps you shoudl, as your family and frineeds should know whats best for you!
Do you really want to be in a MARRIAGE where there is no affection? And the longer you may stay together the more it will become less of. Thats why this either needs to be sorted out with a chat with her or you need to leave her. If you do leave, you wiill get through it. You seem to have good friends and family so you will cope and whe nthe timinig is right find osmeone who makes you feel good and who you love and who you can have a great relationship with.
good luck
...............................
|
