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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi i am really confused i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years he stays at my house most of the time if we have a disagreement rather than sorting it out he walks out and i dont hear from him for a few days he then contacts me by texs and phone calls constantly.i keep going back to him time after time and he promises to stay and sort things out rather than walking out but he never does.he as been hurt so many times in the past i feel that my have somthing to do with it or feel that maybe he gets bored of been with me and needs sometime on his own i have asked him and he says its not that he does it so we dont argue but i have told him it angers me more for him to walk out.what do you think i should do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (9 January 2006):
 You should talk to your boyfriend and remind him that walking out isn't going to help solve your problems. Tell him that he needs to be a man and quit walking out on you everytime you guys disagree! Chances are that he has the type of personality where he becomes avoidant in the face of conflict; hence, he'd rather walk out on your problems than get into another argument with you. In fact, he's probably so used to responding to conflict in this way that he does it naturally, without putting much thought into his behavior or considering its consequences. But he needs to make a conscious effort to modify his behavior, or else you're not going to be happy with him because you don't believe that walking out is the most constructive way to go about problem-solving in a relationship!
Ask him this: Wouldn't he rather face your problems, knowing that you'll probably make up sooner if you address your problems sooner, than avoid your problems, perpetuating them and even going a few days without speaking to you?
If you keep having major problems in your relationship, and he keeps walking out, then perhaps it's time for you to find someone who you don't disagree with as often, or at least someone who deals with conflict a little better. Otherwise, before you know it, you'll find yourself stuck in a relationship that is a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs. (What would you do if you were married to someone who repeatedly walked out on his wife and family?)
Even if he has been hurt many times in the past (who hasn't been?!), this is no excuse for his behavior. He should not take bad past experiences out on you. You are a different person than those who hurt him in the past, and you don't deserve to be punished for others' wrongdoings.
Good luck and best of wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Sounds like he needs to do some growing up. He is acting very childishly. Dont be a doormat...that's why he keeps doing it. Tell him to grow up, and dont be so readily available to him if he does it again. You are worth more than that.
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A
female
reader, TaylorMay +, writes (9 January 2006):
 hunni its the men my man does the same thing only difference is he leaves then phones my 10 mins later saying he cant leave he cant get in at home its just the way they r make it clear to him yu aint going to put up with it sort it out
or jog on
lots of love hunni
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