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anonymous
writes: im a single guy of 28. good looking not over weight. no baggage or issues, very laid back and easy going. one of those real good guys that is honest and reliable. doesnt get jealous, gives space and trust. can be quite shy and so on but defo have something to say for myself and likes a laugh and giggle about life - i just cant get a girlfriend, been single for over a year now and every girl i meet that i like wants to be my friend... im repeatadly told im the best friend a girl could ask for.what am i doing wrong?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): maybe because you're on here bitching about it
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male
reader, rifes  +, writes (5 May 2010):
heres the sad truth. girls want excitement and a continual challenge therefore a guy who is a player, a guy who doesnt care all that much about her, a guy that basically isnt a nice guy deep down are the guys that present her with a far greater challenge. now for any of you reading, read what im about to say because im spot on. every last one of these girls that find a dependable decent guy not enough of a challenge is immature, stupid and deserve the problems they ultimately get themselves into, just so they can satisfy their little minds. why go for someone who ultimately doesnt value you that much? then they need to ask themselves a question, what makes them so worthy and special to a guy they like? every girl can offer sex so what is left for them to offer other than that? sadly not alot of girls can offer much more over and above others. so why cant they put all that bull aside and value real qualities instead of superficial ones. answer is deep down they are superficial. if its superficial they want then its superficial they going to get! if all they do is sit on their behind and want to be entertained then this is exactly what would cause a guy like me to want to look elsewhere. so my advice become like me and view a women as an object, play her little mind games, offer her some challenge and then look around for more action. she needs to earn your respect by being a wonderful person, thats when you commit. thats the best advise anyone can give and for all you ladies out there who think im arrogant, im one of the nicest guys you can meet, but you wont see it until you earn my respect with real genuine qualities because thats the true way people stand out in a world we live in today. thank you and goodnight ;)
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female
reader, Princess D.  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I'll agree with Rollo Tomassi, ever wondered why some ugly guys or fat guys are average guys get the girls? It's because there is something in them that other guys dont have. Me for one I love a challenge and excitement. I am loyal but if a guy doesn't come as a challenge for me when it comes to science and boooks then I wouldn't stick around. I love a guy who is fun, who would love to go joggin with me, play basketball with me and challenge me intellectually. We girls love challenges and If our interest level isn't above 80%, then you've lost us.You could be nice and some girls will still overlooked your niceness being the high interest level isn't there. A guy should be spontaneous in his own little way, ya know.
What is you get the girl, wat will happen two years down the line when you aren't spontaneous, interesting nor challenginf anymore. Then she'll look for someone new, or do what i did to my fiance, tell him the truth and it's up to u 2 to work on it. Other girls would cheat a good girl won't
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reader, Princess D. +, writes (10 February 2010):
Hi guys I would love to share my story.
I met this guy when i was in the eleventh grade,(i was 16,he was 20)at da same company i work at.(We work together). We became friends 1st that's how I got to know whether he was a good guy for true or if he was just putting up a front. Remember ones true self have to come out sooner or later.
Well,we started dating mid 2007, secretly because my father wouldn't allow me to have a boyfrined. At that time we only went out once,any other day i would sneak phone calls to him and he would come see me whenever my dad was to work. Finally,i turned 18, and things were getting a bit more serious, so I introduce him to my father whom told the guy to bring his parents and he did. We loved each other so much and we got engaged Decemebr 6th, 2009 (me 19,him 23). He was my 1st everything. He meant the world to me,did everything together. I would treat him out to dinner, buy him clothes, cook for him, clean, wash his clothes and we would play video games and play basketball(the two of us are really good at basketball).i started workin from 14 so I never ask him for money, I pay for my college tuition myself withoout noones help.Every one would say he is a nice guy and he loves me, no doubt.It hurts me now as I write.
When he propose to me, I felt like the most happiest woman on earth.But,I notice for a while he was becoming jealous because guys would constantly hit on me. I mean,I didnt care how fine a guy was or what he had to offer, i would always reply and say "I have a boyfriend and I love him so much".
He started beating me for no reason and it's hurts as I type this now.On my birthday he beat me up so bad, the doctor told me I had a deep muscle tissue bruise.He threatened to kill me. He apologized, and I forgave him. But,he kept hittin up on me chokin me and pushin me.
All I ever did was love him you know, He was my 1st everything. I never cheated, never thought about it. Had plans for my future with him. I am currently a waitress, model and student at college. I want to become an orthodontist,a fashion designer and a part time spanish teacher in the future. I helped him find a nice career. When ever I went out,i would only go with him. I never cared about his money, NEVER.i was teachin him spanish and french. I tutored him mathematics, english and biology. I would teach him physics sometimes. I recorded love songs about him, wrote poems for him and even though he was ungrateful, I still loved him and showed him my love.
He choked me Sunday night gone thinking that I would cheat on him. I love him so much. My friends told me to leave because the fights were gettin worst, but,I stayed. i had bruises to show. Sunday I told him enough is enough. Now we have broken up,I still love him but I do not want to end up dead because of him.Why does he think i will cheat on him why?
To you guys: keep being nice. If you were to meet a nice girl, she wouldn't give you a chance to be her boyfriend just like that. She would have you as a friend 1st to get to know you 1st. Once you show your tru self,you won't go wrong. Most relationships that last are those that were build 1st on friendship, remember that!! Of coarse any guy can say he is a good guy but when you get to know him, it's a different story. I was with a good guy, him beatin on me drove me away. Good girls are conservative , they do not want to settle for any guy who claims he is a good guy then come around he is a monster.Remember bad girls settle for anyting.Atleast get to know the girl and once you stay true to yourself she will see you for the wonderfull person you are and she'll be in love with you. You being a girl friend is the best way to show her you is a good guy if she let you go then you are better off without her.
Sorry this is so long.
Guys thanks for ya'll time!!!
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reader, coles85 +, writes (8 November 2009):
same problem here mate, ive been told i was so laid back she didnt even know if i was interested anymore?? where do us laid back guys redress the balance? i think they like a bit more raw egde sometimes? but then again, woman are a strange bunch! they want some1 whom wont get under their feet and crowd them, but they dont want some1 to be too distant! i guess what i learned is just to treat every female you meet they way you would a guy and see what comes along? just my thoughts!
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reader, Tony-7  +, writes (29 November 2007):
There is a real explaination of why good guys can't get girls. Basically, First, you must understand that good guys like us are a dime a dozen and females won't notice a good guy by how they look, dress, or what shape your in. If your a good guy that puts you above all the jerks out there who treat woman like dirt. Woman want good guys regardless if they show it or if they don't. Understand that. Be proud to be a good guy. Don't worry about why you don't have a girlfriend. The more you worry about it, the more it won't happen. If you just be yourself, keep playing the good guy role, woman will notice. But you have to get yourself out there. You can't stay home on Saturday and play video games or watch TV. Women can't see you there, the more you expose yourself as a good girl the more chances you will have. Don't expect this to happen in a day give it some time. Stop worrying about, there are millions of woman out looking for a good guy and there and so few of us good guys out there. When woman date jerks it makes us stand out. Think of that as a good thing. Like a woman who has been through a terrible relationship and finally dates a good guy, they fall in love with you in a heart beat. You guys stop worrying about it, the moment you stop worrying about it you will begin to start seeing results and live your life. Being single is one of the greatest things in the world so don't think of it as a bad thing. Think of yourself as one of the good guys. You can't be beaten. Those jerks treat woman like that because they don't know how to be a good guy. Get out there a strut!! Good Guys like us are an endangered species, let us show those woman what there missing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I've been reading these answers, and they all seem to apply to me. I'm not strange looking, fat, crazy or anything. I CAN NOT attract a girl or keep any girl interested in me. If anybody can tell me what to do, please do. I've tried everything. This is a huge void in my life right now and i am honestly at the end of trying. I don't understand how fat stupid guys get alot of girls!! I just want ONE!!!!
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reader, Rollo Tomassi +, writes (14 September 2007):
My guess is you're not a challenge for any of these women. You want a woman to associate you with the rush that comes from being a challenge, that's what keeps the fish on the hook. Women don't want to read the cliff notes of your life or the synopsis of your story from the inside cover of the book that is you. They want to read you a chapter at a time because they get off on NOT knowing what to expect. It's just this excitement that triggers an emotional response. When you embody this emotion for them you become a more of a challenge and the feeling she associates with the drama gets transfered to you.Let a woman's imagination work in your favor; this is a very powerful tool that far too many average guys automatically think is counterintuitive. "Well if I'm not 100% honest and forthcoming with her I'll blow my chances" says the chump and then wonders why he got LJBF (lets just be friends) the day after his date.Women need to be rewarded by finding out about you layer by layer, tidbit by tidbit, that's what keeps their imaginations working. This is what makes your attention a commodity that she's interested in earning - that's the secret of the Jerk his attention doesn't come for free. It's when you vomit out your life's story all over the restaurant table on the first date that there ceases to be anything left for her to figure out and you're LJBFed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I feel you on this one. I'm 26, been told many times I'm good-looking, healthy, have a really good body but I can't get a girl to save my life save for skanks or ones with two or three kids already. I just don't understand. Well, I wish you luck or what the heck ever it takes to get a woman you want, I sure don't know what it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): Yeah dude, I have the same problem. Girls do want assholes for boyfriends. If you're a really good friend then she wouldn't want to start a relationship with you because that could ruin the friendship. I knew a girl who was infatuated with my friend who ridiculed her often. I knew another who's boyfriend broke her heart then broke up with her... then told her he wanted to get back together and they did. Two of my closest friends are total assholes all around even to their girls...I guess I should just say: nice guys don't actually finish last, they never start the race.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): there's ure problem right there bro.
chicks want assholes and guys change themselves into assholes to get chicks...then chicks cokmplain that all guys are assholes...but they still want them because women are narcissistic sadists who get off on being treated like a beautiful slutty turd.
so what do we do if we don;t wan to manipulate one and treat her like a trick?
you wait i guess, and keep looking for that girl that in the midst of her crazy she's actually a decent intelligent empathic person. They are out there bro, but when you find where they're hiding let the rest of us know, ok?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): I feel your pain man. I just found this web page while searching through Google for an answer myself as to why I can't get a great girlfriend. There are no easy answers.I am a good looking guy. I am physically fit, well dressed, nice teeth, confident, good personality, ambitious/goal-oriented, and I can't seem to land a girlfriend. If I were desperate, of course I could find something, but I have standards (physically attractive, goals, intelligence). It is a really difficult situation to be in, especially if you're in your twenties.I'm still searching for the answer. If I had it, I would give it to you in a heartbeat. Here are some pointers though that may be of some help...- Involve yourself in new activities. Take up yoga classes if you want an earthy girl, salsa dancing if you want an exotic girl, etc. Are you with me here?- Sign up for a dating advice newsletter, preferrably David DeAngelo's newsletter.- Approach more women and get their phone number or e-mail address. You do approach, right?- Join a dating website, like match.com- What city do you live in? Consider moving somewhere with a better population like Boston, New York, Los Angeles, etc...- What kind of girl do you want? Answer that question, find out what kind of guy SHE likes, and be that guy.I know some of this stuff might sound kind of 'out there', but it's worth a shot. I'm still trying my best, and at the very least, I have a few interesting stories to share with my buddies about the approaches gone wrong afterwards. HA! I honestly think it's an age thing though, and that our thirties will be much more productive and fruitful.If by chance, you are a female (and meet my criteria for dating) please e-mail your photo and a friendly message to [email address blocked] :)Good luck sir!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): all girls want is the guys that is going to treat like a peace of meat and not a person who is a good guy if you want a girlfriend treat them like shit they will love you in a heart beat i don't get it i get your to nice all the time then then they complain that the guy there with treats them like crap and all they want is sex and there not happy... i don't get it i kinda gave up the only girls i meat are the ones that way 500 pounds and don't care about them selfs. it sucks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): you'll find that almost everyone has the opportunity of having true love - aperson with whom they can settle down with and enjoy a happy family life - afterall this is the meaning of life. However many people do not get with their true loves and so are left out in the wilderness of life either single or in other relationships - whether happy or not. I guess the reason why many people, men and women alike, cannot get a g/f or b/f is that simply because unconciously they are already in love!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): I'm the same buddy - my friends, female and male, encourage me no end by telling me I would be excellent boyfriend material. I'm cheerful, laid back, confident, I make people laugh, a friendly face, loved by lots of friends - I'm no brad pitt but I'm certainly not ugly, just a regular/nice looking guy... but I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 18. I'm now 24. My female friends who tell me I'd be great bf material are all in relationships. So it's alright for them. It's like I'm the kind of guy every girl wants, but the kind that no one will go for.
One thing I have come across by way of advice is from one of my closest (male) friends. He said: "Less is more - and be yourself". And it sounds really trite until you know why he said it. I meet a girl, and I try hard to convince her that I'm a good guy. I'm very honest about my feelings (too honest sometimes) and I probably give too much away too soon. My friend gave me that advice because he knows that I'm a good guy. And anyone who spends any time with me testifies to the same. So why do I try so hard to convince girls? Perhaps cos I'm insecure about myself? Maybe I should just trust in the fact that I'm a good guy. My instincts are good, I'm not out to be a dick or to screw girls over, and that will come through as long as I'm confident enough to be myself. And of course the problem is that by trying so hard, I don't just let them know that I'm a good guy - perhaps I give so much away as to effectively castrate myself. I become a eunuch in their eyes, someone who can never be more than a friend. I hope you understand my imagery. So my friend's advice meant a lot to me. "less is more" - ie don't feel like you have to give everything away immediately, leave some things unsaid so she is intrigued and wants to come back for more. But also be yourself. If you're the kind of guy you claim to be, then anyone with two brain cells to rub together will be able to see that, you don't have to try to exhibit those qualities because they're already there.
I don't know if that's helpful for you to hear, or if I'm just engaging in some catharsis of my own, but do know that you're not alone. It sucks being like us, doesn't it - the kind of guy that everyone loves, but who no-one is willing to give their love to...
And for you women out there... if you know you want a guy like this but always end up going out with losers - STOP IT! Recognise the losers for what they are, and give the quality guys the time of day. It will be worth it, I promise you. You are potentially missing out on an amazing relationship by dating the guys that you KNOW are no good.
Hm. Rant over.
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reader, belly20034 +, writes (21 March 2006):
The reason why most guys who can't get pussy is because they normally fit into at least one of the following categories, i.e., fat, ugly, smelly, poor, bald, boring, badly dressed or slimy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): I'm 20 and would love a guy like you. I keep getting stuck with losers and one is my ex that I still want for some stupid reason. Keep looking. There are women that would love to have you. Try looking in different places. If you go to a bar all the time, go to a library for example.
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reader, TankerNC +, writes (10 December 2005):
Women your age and younger are still eschewing good guys who are boring for, exciting but obviously no good guys. Eventually these women get screwed around on enough by the exciting types that they get bitter and nutty or realize that a normal person would be a relief.So date older. Like mid-30's
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reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 December 2005):
hey there,
The only reason I can think of is that women think you aren't interested. They probably think you just like them as a friend so thats what they say back to save themself from putting thereself 'on the line'. So perhaps try making it clearer then you are interested in more then a firend then they might be more open to showing the feelings back. If you are already doing that and it doesn't seem to work, then I would suggest asking your close friends and family as they know you best, of what you can do. I doubt there is anything incredibly wrong in you, perhaps just all the women you know just aren't loooking for a relationship at the moment?
Oh and heres another thought which im starting to think is probably the answer. Alot of people in our world are inconfident. They have no self love and therefor don't believe anyone who has all the good qualities (like you have) would ever like them back and they also may believe they dont DESERVE suuch a great person. so they aim for people who arent as good. There is also an issue of intimidation and fear of loosing you perhaps. Maybe many woman see you as areally good looking guy who is also really nice and easy to get along with, yet the ythink if they were to have a relationship with you that they would feel insecure because they tyink you are so perfect that every other woman would be after you! this is a common situation. But im not saying change yourself or make yourself lower. Stay true to yourself and a decent person who doesnt have any of thsoe issues will come along.
good luck!
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reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (10 December 2005):
 This is one of the toughest questions I've ever attempted to answer. Why *wouldn't* a normal-sounding, easygoing guy be able to get a girlfriend... especially when there are clearly so many lowlife losers who seems to attract women?
The only thought that comes to my mind is that maybe you're *so* easygoing and *so* friendly that women automatically assume that you're not interested in them romantically. Contrary to the belief of a lot of men, most women don't feel that they have much to offer potential boyfriends, so if you're not at least a LITTLE overt about an attraction, the women you're with might just assume you're a wonderful friend and nothing more.
Having said that, I don't mean - ye gods no! - that you should act lecherous or predatory. But if you're interested in a particular woman that you already know is single, maybe you should try to be a bit more direct. Look into her eyes a fraction longer than is strictly necessary. Touch her arm when you're talking. In other words, make it plain that you're interested in more than friendship.
If you're already doing those things and still being told "I just want to be friends" then you might ask your just-friends female friends for some feedback on what might make you appealing to women other than them. It needn't be brutal. Its's possible that you just need some pointers in the way that you ask women out, or something very general that steers you wrong.
Good luck to you. And if all else fails, be patient. As women grow out of their 20s, they begin to look very hard for men exactly like you!
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