A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I know I'm just young- but this is really affecting my life in a huge way.Whenever I talk to men (well, boys- I'd suppose my case would be) I find that I can't stop flirting. I mean, personally, I'm bubbly and friendly; but apparently this comes across as flirting and I feel as if I must be stupid because I don't notice it untill the guy I'm flirting with asks me out- and even then sometimes I don't notice it and go on some date I didn't really think was a date. I'm scared because it seems like I'm straying away from my boyfriend (whom I've been dating for close to 4 years).Personally, I'm very interested in sex and I'm extremely touchy-feely (I'll hold your shoulder while I talk to you, or hug you when I'm leaving; not rubbing a thigh or brushing my breasts up against them or anything)- which helps my boyfriend run to conclusions, but I love him more than anything. He tells me that I should just try not to talk to other guys, but that seems like he's trying not to let me make friends or any of that. Even when I make friends with girls (because of my bubbly attitute and touchy-feelyness) he thinks I'm flirting with them, and forbids me to talk to them. Is this reasonable? I thought so for quite some time because I have got into a few bad situations, but now I feel isolated because I haven't really hung out with anyone but my boyfriend in quite some time.Should I try to be turning my personality into something that may be more well recieved, or should I just tell my boyfriend I am how I am? Should I listen to my boyfriend and avoid talking to certain people?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Hi,
Your boyfriend sounds controlling. He "forbids" you to see certain people. My god, how old are you? 18-21 and your boyfriend is telling you who you can see?
But I'm left wondering if you are being totally upfront with us. You mention that you have been on some "dates" with these guys you flirt with, but you didnt realise they were dates. I'm sorry, but are you being serious? What else do you think they are if not dates?
I think its more like a self confidence issue you have, you crave the attention from these guys and its drving your boyfriend nuts. He sounds like a control freak and you sound like you need the attention. Maybe you two guys should come to an agreement that might just make this relationship work , i.e you stop with the touchy feely stuff and he stops with the controlling behaviour, other than that I think you are polar opposites.
good luck
A
female
reader, faith scott boreanaz  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 its a hard one to answer but heres what suggest
A) tone it down, maybe not as much touchy feelyness and spend a little more time doing that with your boyfriend.
this may help put your boyfriend at ease.
B)dont tone it down and tell your boyfriend its who you are.
this may put a strain on your relationship.
if i were you i'd try out A, just for the ralationship and his sake.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (5 November 2007):
 If you honestly, genuinely don't mean to flirt, or don't realise, then yes, your boyfriend is being selfish, insecure and ridiculous. After all, is it not HIM you go home to?
Don't ever change for a man. Especially someone who sounds as lovely and fun as you! He needs to appreciate you and your great personality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I think he is being unreasonable but can see why he thinks you are flirting with them. I think you both need to make comprimises and try to work though it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): Maybe make sure the guys you are talking to know that you have a boyfriend. Mention him casually, slip him into the conversation, then they won't ask you out. And if they are only interested in sex, once they realize they aren't getting it, they will leave you alone. This is a good way to weed out the 'good' from the 'bad'.
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A
male
reader, ...32 23... +, writes (4 November 2007):
You are who you are, but maybe in somecases its not fair on your boyfriend, sometimes you have to see it from his point of veiw. you can't change who you are but maybe you could turn the fliting down a bit, and then do something to prove to your boyfriend that he is something special to you and that he is the one, because everyone wants to feel special.
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