A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a confused male (20), who is questioning his sexual orientation. I guess there must be a million or more of these type of posts but I really don't know who to turn to about this. Basically my story is this, at the moment I consider myself as straight-confused. I find girls aesthetically very attractive, and I am always "checking" them out. I enjoy a girl that has all the right curves, smell, etc... and I always get very nervous when I am close to them. I love nothing more than to be in the company of an attractive girl. But when it comes to Pornography I have never enjoyed lesbian sex (doesn't turn me on) and the vagina doesn't turn me on as I think it should.I also haven't had many intimate encounters with girls (I don't count the ones where I am blind drunk), because I'm afraid I will not be aroused (and be made to look stupid). On the other hand I have tried watching gay (male) pornography and that is a turn off for me as well. I find the idea of checking out guys weird, and pretty much a turn off.So I am not sure where this leaves me, maybe I'm asexual or something (even though I have a healthy sex drive)?This sounds stupid but is there a way I can find out what gender I am really attracted to?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Mark,
When you say opposite way around do you mean you really enjoy lesbian pornography but not straight pornography?
I would be interested to hear your situation in more detail.
Cheers
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): Hi there my names Mark. I don't have the answer to your question unfortunately but I just wanted to say that I genuinely feel what you are going through. I'm 19 and am experiencing just the same thing but the opposite way around.
Sorry I can't be of much more help but just wanted to give you a shout out and say you're not alone at all mate.
Hope it all works out okay for you.
Mark.
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A
male
reader, SumYungGuy  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 No - there are some guys who are put off by seeing two women together. You're trying to be like other men when clearly you are a unique individual.
Being asexual has nothing to do with impotence or erectile dysfunction. It's how other species (plants and some other mammals, insects, ect) reproduce. They reproduce without some sort of sexual union to make offspring - Asexual. Asexual also is coined to someone who isn't engaging in sex - but that's using the term very loosely.
Men checking out other men is completely taboo in the straight male community. According to society, only gay men check out other men.
I hope I get remarried so I can get some 'vagina' too :)
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for reading that and replying with a useful answer.
Yes straight porn is a turn on for me; I seem to like porn where the girl is in the submissive role and is being dominated somewhat (but still enjoying it), I think maybe that is the reason why I think lesbian porn is boring, it is too soft (however I still think it is slightly weird that I don't enjoy it as most guys appear to).
Sorry to hear about the divorce, hopefully you will find the right person someday (and hopefully get some vagina too :).
I guess I'm just not sure what it is to be Asexual. Does it mean that a person is impotent or has erectile dysfunction, or just doesn't enjoy sex?
Well I find that the idea of checking out guys is both not a turn on (not arousing sexually) and ALSO feels incorrect/weird due to social standards.
I guess I just need to find out what turns me on in REAL-LIFE (rather than intellectualizing about what does/doesn't turn me on), without hopefully causing anyone any grief.
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A
male
reader, SumYungGuy +, writes (5 August 2007):
Sound pretty straight to me! However, you never said what watching a man and woman having sex does for you. You've watched/looked at gay/lesbian porn, but you didn't talk about straight porn. Does straight porn turn you on?
Asexual? I think it's unlikely. Maybe you're not 'wanting' sex right now, which is okay. You can be a sexual being and have a good sex drive without actually having sex. I'm getting divorced so I haven't HAD sex in many moons - but that doesnt' mean I'm asexual or that I don't have a healthy sex drive (although, unlike you the vagina turns me a great bit) it just means I'm not having sex right now.
You find the idea of checking out guys weird and pretty much a turn off. So, is this because you believe you shouldn't be looking at guys in a sexual manner (societal pressure) or do you ACTUALLY find it to be a turn off? If it's the latter, that sounds so NOT gay to me.
When you think you're ready for a committed relationship with someone you truly love (or have married) and still feel like you're not quite feeling sexual enough - you can try sex therapy to see if there is something psychologically that is blocking you from seeking sexual pleasure.
Hope this helps.
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