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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am a Catholic and I know that as one I should not have sex before marriage but as most, if not all, Catholics do today they do. I just assumed that I would sometime in my late teens. Now I am nearly 16 and I'm beginning to change my mind. I really like the idea of waiting until my wedding night and not just because it's in the bible, it just seems the right thing to do.What I'm worried about is what others will think. I know that I shouldn't care what others say but maybe it is a bit wierd especially in this day. And also when it comes to explaining this to future boyfriends I have no idea what to say.What I really want to know is other people's views on this matter. Pro's and Con's? And what would I say to any boyfriends?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Well... since you're on the fence about it, and you're not yet 16, and your faith is important, why not put off the decision, say until you're 19? You'll have more years' experience then, more clarity, and maybe the right answer will materialize. Also, having waited, you'll have kept your dignity, and not have risked getting any horrid STD! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Well hey there!
First of all, I am 15..16 in 8 days so I guess this could be similiar. I am also a catholic and here is the pro's in my opinion
- You have more dignity
- Your partner needn't worry about any STD's
- It will most definitely be more intimate, it's with someone you love, not just someone you one you won't be with for long, you can both treasure it.
- You will probabaly feel more comfortable with them
the cons really would be that because your hymen hasn't been broken it could hurt a little and you might bleed, but then again this isn't forever and your partner should be understanding. You also won't have had much experience but hey, that comes in the future :D
I'm waiting until I've found "the one" :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who answered my question. You have all really helped.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I think most people don't wait until they're married because they are horny and because of the effects of social pressures.
Social pressures includes the indirect effects. Boys realizing that nobody else is waiting and it won't get them a girl who waited just because they do. And a lot of girls are really trying to get or keep guys that they can't get or keep without it (which NEVER works by the way).
I think most of the reasonings about exploring sexuality and making a relationship closer is rationalizations to excuse the baser instincts. The bodily and emotional risks of early sex are high and the "personal growth" stuff is pretty low in comparison.
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male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Pros: You can't get pregnant early if you're abstinent. You can't get STDs if you're not sleeping with people that sleep around. Also, if you're the only person your husband ever slept with, you can be sure he's not thinking about how one ex was better, another ex was more eager, another ex was better looking, etc. There's also a great deal of fun experimenting and working through those awkward first times with someone you love and who's going through the same learning curve. Personally, my biggest pro is that my wife and I will share something with each other that NO ONE else has ever had, something truly intimate that she and I saved for each other. Heck, if you're serious about your beliefs, you'll even manage to avoid the guilt and frustration of sexual baggage.
Cons: You might not know how your partner really feels about sex until married and may end up in either a sexless marriage or a dysfunctional one. But with enough honest and open communication, that shouldn't be too likely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I am a Catholic and so is my husband. We were each others first. We have been married for 7 years!
I have NEVER regretted waiting, it is such a special gift to know that my husband and I shared that first experience TOGETHER! Do it, I promise you, you will not regret it! Wouldn't you love to say to your husband "you are my first and the best I've ever had (or ever will)" :)
Dont give in just because other people are doing it. And if you come across a boyfriend who doesnt respect your decision he wouldn't make good husband material anyway, so move on. Stay strong!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): There are some obvious 'pros': There is no possibility that you will bring a STD into your marriage. You'll never have to worry that a late period might mean you're pregnant. Your husband will never have to worry that you're comparing him with someone else, and won't have any hangups about your 'past'. You'll almost certainly bring less emotional baggage into the marriage yourself. You'll be giving your husband an incredible, cherished gift on your wedding night, which can start your marriage off by taking your relationship to a whole new level.
Cons? If you don't get married until your 30 or 40, you'll likely have some issues -- sometimes it seems that starting sex too late in life causes almost as many problems as starting too early. For someone really determined to wait, it's only prudent to avoid temptation, so you can miss out on some of the useful socialization that goes with dating. And of course there's the socially awkward part -- if waiting isn't a decision that's broadly respected in your community, you'll be a bit of a misfit, which in turn can lead to more pressure.
Personally I think your attitude is much healthier that some of the posters here who just want to lose it and get it over with. Do what's right for you. Good for you for being thoughtful about something that's important.
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female
reader, superdolly  +, writes (4 November 2009):
ahh well since i haven't been married or anything and i've had lots of sex i sometimes wish i was a virgin. i think the idea of sex on your wedding night is lovely i mean don't get me wrong, sex is amazing but only with a person you genuinely love otherwise it can never compare. i think the pros are that marriage is a commitment and means that your sure about the person you love. if i was you; to any future boy that comes along who doesnt appreciate your values get rid hes not guna be the one. there will be some nice boys that will come along do u wana try something other than sex before your married? cos that might be kinda fun to try and might help you make your mind up about what to do. i think that even if you didn't want to try anything you wanted to save it all til your married that you should be straight with any future boy. simply say 'i havent had sex yet because my beliefs are no sex until marriage' and be straight and tell him if he can't deal with a sexless relationship and dont want commitment then you might not be the girl for him.good luck. i think its a really lovely idea
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