A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone,sorry for my bad english.. i am 24 male and have been chatting with this girl for a while. we are really close and share almost everything. we both are good initiators and have been interested in knowing each other by asking and sharing almost everything. i am a nice and caring guy by nature. we have been planning to meet next week,but she said that she wants to be single and i shouldnt think about dating her or whatsoever. i dont know what the problem is, i am so frustrated and my self confidence is shattered big time. It happens in case of almost every girl, they like to have me in their life and also not hurt me, but they arent attracted or excited about me unlike me. perhaps i get serious too early and expect a lot, but i have been figuring out where the real problem is, which leads me to the same dead end. Usually after such responses i get from people, i get very upset for many days and cut contact with them or become cold and ultimately they learn to live without me. i have observed that nice girls dont get girls, but jerks always get the attention. but thats a different issue altogether. what is the problem with me?? i am not desperate, but confident but polite and eager to know them, i project myself as a balanced guy with good self respect. what else do girls want?? please advice.. it really means to me a lot.. thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 September 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps you are giving out messages that you want to get serious too soon.
You might not even realize it.
It's even possible that you are very keen towards every girl you go out with and eager to see them more often than the girls themselves want to go out with a girl.
You might go out with a girl on your first date, and then you want to see them the next night and the next, even if you don't acually say this. Your behaviour might do it for you.
There's nothing wrong with being keen on someone, it's probably better though, to not show so much enthusiasm too soon. Perhaps you could be a little more laid back.
A girl can always see if a man is interested, just by the fact you liked her enough to ask her out! So there's no doubt that there is an obvious interest there to start with.
It might also be that when you first go out with a girl, and especially if you really like her, that at some level you are wondering if she could be "The One".
Even though you may not be conscious of it, the thought could be there anyway.
So if that is it, it will change how you are when you are with a girl who you really like.
For instance, at the end of the first date, you are already saying to her about seeing her the next night.
This might be scaring girls off a little, as they feel that you might be a control freak. Even though I'm sure that's not the case here, by any means. However, girls are not to know that, are they? How could they, when they have only just met you?
People make assumptions, it's just human nature. At some point, we all do.
So all the more reason, to be a bit more relaxed and laid back, on all dates you go on. Just be yourself. And being relaxed, does not equate to being disrespectful, no, not at all.
After all, you are getting to know each other. First impressions mean a lot. So much is silently expressed between two people on a first meeting.
So just talk about whatever you want to - music, movies, whatever you can think of. Because first off, you are establishing some common ground between you.
Taboo subjects are:-
- Past relationships.
- Politics.
- Religion.
Other than that, you can talk about pretty much anything that interests you, generally speaking.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just as I was saying before, that you might be wearing your heart on your sleeve.
And because of this, the girls you date might be thinking that you want to get married ASAP! So no wonder they are a little wary to get too involved.
Seriously, if you take the possibility of marriage out of the equation, I believe you will be playing a whole different ball game.
And then, you will start to enjoy dating - because there will be no internal pressure about finding the right one to spend the rest of your life with.
You just have to believe in yourself.
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