A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK here we go... I have NEVER talked about this with ANYONE. I have to get some feedback on this one.I am a 41yo male. I had many girlfriends when I was a teenager but never had sex with any of them due to religious reasons. (I tried to have sex with one gf but she said no cuz she was in love with someone else, even though we slept naked together.)I have never had sex with a woman. This is becasue I was also always attracted to men as well. When I was 27 I came out and had bfs whom I lived with. I enjoyed this and I still find some men very attractive. The last 5 years or so I have comtemplated having a girlfriend again as I still find some women attractive, althoug I admit as I have never been with a woman I find younger women more physically attractive than some my own age. I must be very immature in this area.I have NO confidence with women sexually at all, although as friends I get along with them great.The big clinch to this seeming easy problem is that I am HIV+. When this happened 10 yrs ago (not from anal sex but because some bastard who had herpes had oral sex with me, which made me vulnerable to the HIV virus), I was not wanting to continue having relationships with men. In fact I was open to having a gf but I cant even have children and who would want a guy who is HIV+ even if I am on medication for it and undetectable? I guess I settled for having bfs and never grew in female relationships because of this.I am now 41 and I am still a virgin! Its crazy.The only way I feel I could be with a woman is if a mate was there with me sharing the experience. MMF 3 somes are a fantasy for me for this reason.Can ANYONE help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): I find this interesting. You're not a virgin in my eyes, and you can't really blame the HIV guy for your situation. You're an adult and know the risks.
I'm starting to see a pattern on this site and with men that are bi-sexual. To put it plain and simple, you're not 'trying' enough or 'going for it' when you see a woman you're attracted too. That's part of being a man isn't it? The ones that don't take the risk are 'playing' around with other men when they really Want a woman.
What you should've done in your early years, is get good advice from married men you look up. If you're really serious, you need to stop playing sexual games with men and pursue a friendship 1st with a woman of interest. You're really late getting started, but You were the one wasting/losing time.
A
female
reader, pinkgoblin15  +, writes (27 March 2009):
 I have a family member that is HIV+ they had it for 17 years and have been on there medication for the last 17 years for it they had two children while they were HIV+ none of the children have it all. You should always tell your gf or bf that you are HIV+ of course) Just talk to your doctor to make sure you know the boundaries of having a sexual relationship with someone. I heard even if your HIV is undetectable I heard that someone would be able to get it by oral sex) But thats just what I heard I hope this helps dont let this keep you from living your life :) Good Luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Im a 22 year old guy who has had both female and male partners. While I do consider a male-virginity and female-virginity two separate issues, I have lost both.
I would say that you have definitely lost your male-virginity. It sounds like you seek to lose your female-virginity, but have a few complicated matters standing in the way. (Like your HIV status)
If you have the confidence to have sex with a man, you have the confidence with a woman. Don't kid yourself.
Find a girl who understands the risk, and have some sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): The only "help" I can offer is that you have to be 100% up front with any woman you want to have sex with. Regardless of whether she agrees to a 3-some with your mate, she absolutely has to know about your HIV status long before things get hot and heavy. Ya, it sucks that you're 41 and a 'virgin'. Ya, it sucks that you're HIV+. Nothing in that gives you the right to expose a girl to HIV. Nothing.
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