A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I consider myself to be a lesbian, but I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I am still a virgin, and I was planning on saving my virginity until I am in a relationship with someone who I feel I am ready to give my virginity too. The thing is, I'm twenty seven, and I have this fear that I'm never going to find that 'special' someone. I have a male friend, who I get on with really well, and is only five years older than me, and I want to get advice on whether it would be a wise idea or not, to ask him if he would take my virginity. I trust him, and believe that he would make the moment as special as it should be for anyone who is thinking about losing their virginity. I'd be grateful for any advice, as I think I'm over thinking it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Lies  +, writes (7 October 2012):
NONONON. Do not lose your virginity just because you feel like you have to. Life does not work that way. If you want to save it for someone, wait for her. Find the perfect partner before proceeding. It is never too late and you have to understand it. Please do not follow the 'rules' of society.
Good luck.
Lies.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 If you're a lesbian why would you want a man to have sex with you? I don't understand that part. It's one thing to have sex with a friend, but at least then you do it with the gender you are sexually attracted to!
I've had lovers, FWB, call them whatever you want. I've had sex with people I'm not sexually attracted to.. and it really isn't good. Having sex with someone you're sexually attracted to should be at least a minimum! Or else you might as well do the deed yourself with a carrot, it'll be exactly as sexy and stimulating.
At least find a female friend who you are attracted to sexually who you can do it with? Give yourself SOMETHING to enjoy!
But bottom line, if you're not going to enjoy the experience then why bother? Like I said.. might as well take a carrot to do the job then. It's not like you change as a person once you've had sex, or that having sex is something you NEED to have before a certain age. It doesn't change anything. In fact, it seems to me you have the choice to have a pretty losuy and uninteresting experience with a friend, or you can save yourself this experience and rather go do something you will actually enjoy. Like a trip to a spa. Or even buying a chocolate bar. Trust me.. sex with someone you're not even sexually attracted to... you'll have a better time using that carrot. Just trying to save you from a lousy experience that isn't worth the time, and definitely isn't worth ruining a friendship over.
And in case you wondered: yes, sex ruins friendships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Don't have sex with your friend, why on earth would you want to? It can do nothing except mean you are not a virgin any more. It would be such a bad idea. And if you are a lesbian, surely having sex with him is not appealing at all. No, just wait and perhaps step up your social life so you are more likely to meet suitable partners.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 This would have been a terrible idea even if you weren't a lesbian! What's with the obsession over losing your virginity? Why do you feel that you have a point to prove? What exactly is going to change if you do lose your virginity?
OP there is no expiry date on virginity and if you've chosen to be a virgin so far, then good for you! You haven't thrown it away for just anyone which is so rare to find today. You should wait for the right person to come along, and it doesn't matter how old you are, it will feel special and amazing, like it should. Imagine having sex with your guy friend just for the sake of it and then when you find a great partner(which you will), how are you going to feel? OP you wont hear anyone say, "I wish I had lost my virginity earlier" except virgins themselves because they feel that there is a magical rainbow beyond the sun. Of course there isnt, you know it, I know it.
You will definitely find the right woman out there for you, you just have to wait. But as for having sex with the guy, no way.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 If you are a lesbian, why do you want to have sex with a man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): are you thinking if anything????? Why would a lesbian ever desire to have sex with the opposite if it wasn't the only choice of her the lesbian ever having kids of her own. I'm lesbian and I was a virgin when I lost my virginity to my current gf of 3 years. And I'm 27. If youre wanting to have sex with a man please, don't call yourself a lesbian. Regardless of how well meaning u put it. Lesbian desire and have sex with other women. Heterosexual have sex with those of opposite sex and only those of opposite sex. Bisexuals have sex with both genders. I think honestly and this may decrease my ratings, but you should use a little more wisdom with common sense. Having sex with this guy may very well confuse u bc of the enjoyment you may get out of it. It doesn't seem you're logically thinking. I suggest if your virginity and being a lesbian is really true and important to u then u will wait til you meet that special lesbian. And it could be when ur 30 or next month, but if it means anything or enough, you will wait til you meet that one lady that u just click with like heels.
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