A
female
age
30-35,
*tx
writes:Hi, I'm a 22 year old virgin (female) and never have had a serious boyfriend.I feel a bit 'odd' as the majority of my friends are in long term relationships and the rest are involved in casual relationships. I have been with guys through uni but only kissing and fore play. I have now left uni and I'm out in the working world.I think I am as attrative as the next girl and easy to talk to. I'm not stick thin but curvey..At times I find it hard to talk to a guy that I like. The only guys who seem to approach me when I am out are older guys and any guys my own age just want one night stands. Although I would love to be out having sex I just havnt felt the time was right was any of the guys I've been with...something has always held me back!! Why....I dont know!I feel as though I give off some vibe like 'its not going to happen' when really I would love to meet someone who is genuine etc. Its like all my friends are moving on with their lives and settling down.I'm afraid this will never happen for me!!!Any advice would be appricated!!!!xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Perhaps what is holding you back is part of you that realizes how big the consequences of that decision can be. Look around this website at how many posts are about guys who are in tons of emotional pain over the fact that their wife had another man's penis in her before them. There are several posts of women too in ton's of pain over their husband's past. The beauty of marriage--of two people giving themselves to each other in a way that no one else ever has or ever will share, and publicly declaring so--is real! And so many people come to eventually see the beauty, but for many today they only come to see it too late. And then, suffer over seeing this unbelievable beauty that they know they can never have.
If you are a virgin, you are special. Don't forget that. You have an amazing chance at something more beautiful than you probably realize. You'll never regret achieving that beauty--but the plethora of posts full of pain indicate that you are likely to regret giving in now. Check out these posts, they can give you a sense of the stakes of the issue.
A
female
reader, mtx +, writes (9 April 2013):
mtx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice and opinions! It is nice to see that someone else was 'like me' before they meet their partner.By older guys I mean 28/29...It is only a 6-7 year age gap which is not major but being inexperienced always held me back as I would be worried about what that guy would think of me!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Relax. I promise, you'll have sex. I, too, was a very shy young woman. I lost my virginity at 26 and have more than made up for it (I'm 33 now). Trust me, you have plenty of time.I remember feeling and thinking everything you're describing, like I had a scarlet V on my forehead. I wish I could go back and talk to my 22 year old self and tell her to be more self-confident. There is nothing wrong with you. Life is not passing you by. A lot of your friends aren't as happy, experienced or mature as they're pretending to be. You don't need lots of practice to be good in bed. It's pretty intuitive. Having more partners, doesn't make you better. What matters are the sorts of feelings you have for your partner, whether they be love or lust. The brain is our most important sexual organ. Lots of girls lose their virginity well before they're emotionally ready, so they suck in bed. They get better as they grow more confident, but it's maturity that makes the difference, not practice. If you're actually ready to do it, you'll be amazing from the start.My partner was in one of those seemingly serious university relationships, one of those relationships I envied so much. From everything he tells me, he was an immature jerk at the time. I'm so glad I met him a little later in life, when he was in his late 20s. I'm so glad another woman had to deal with the little boy while I got the trained man.We all have a different life path. As the bible says there is a season for everything. Your time will come. Please don't be in a rush to lose your virginity. It really is a precious thing. You already know that, don't let anyone make you change your mind until you're truly ready. Take your time! The more ready you are for it, the better the experience will be!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Of course , guys your age only want sex. That's how most boys are at this age. What you mean by older guys? Like 5-7 years older, or older older ? My husband is 8 years older than me, there is nothing wrong with that. That's why I dated older guys exactly for the same reason, I didn't want it to be just for sex. A guy who is 22 doesn't plan to settle down for at least 5 years, that's why they want to sleep around as much as possible before they do that. Women are different. Most of us don't want to sleep around, that's why we are looking for someone older who is at least nearing that age of settling down. Casual sex is not for everyone. While guys will do it with pleasure, women have consequences that come with it, such as pregnancy. We need to be selective, and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin until you find a man that cares about you. I never had casual sex, and you shouldn't if you don't feel like it.
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