A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 22yr old virgin and its seriously getting me down with loanliness, i dont know how long i can take this frustration. I hang out with a large group of friends and i always feel like the 5th wheel that cant roll with the group due to the fact that sex happens to be a topic for them and i honestly get uncomfortable and upset (not showing it of course) it really hurts me bad emotionally when i see my friends and there boyfriends and girlfriends together being all "mushy"..and i dont even know that feeling..honestly, i know youd prolly make fun of me and think it a joke but .....i cried one night after i got back home...i was the only one that was single there... im so bad with them, i dont even know how to break the ice with them.. they just reject me all the time. ive been single since tenth grade... (9 years..yea i know..) which was also due to a lost bet.. with the girls... welll i guess you really cant even call that relationship -_-..guess ive always been single. some friends said they wanted to get me a prosititute but i wasnt into it because..call me old fashioned..i wanted it to be with someone i cared for... :\ honestly sex doesnt mean anything for me, i just want to be able to wrap my arms around that special someone.. Please give me some tips on how to get more confident and believe in myself because im sure thats the reason for my being alone :/ and so many rejectionsive tried the dating sites too but..all the girls are shallow and dont want anything to do with me...good example, i saw a profile with her sn on there and imed here, i said whats up, and we talked for a lil bit and got along and had a few things in common and she asked for my profile with my pic..after i sent it..she blocked me...Please help and please dont tell me to just be myself because im shy and i know from experience that women hate that. well anyway..thanks for your time reading... anything would help right now tbh
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): I have read your problems, and also the way you reacted to one of the advices, your reaction quite a bit hints at why you might be rejected so often. You should try being more open to your friends ask them what they find attractive and unattractive about you and build on it, friends are the best source of knowing what might actually be going wrong. Not everyone in the world is good looking if you have problems in the looks department always remember there are girls out there who are worse looking than you but yet beautiful on the inside and looking for something that you are. i keep hearing this all the time girls being shallow for rejecting and non good looker but be honest how many not good looking girls have you hit on, so you see problem lies in you, try and improve yourself how much ever you can, build a sense of humor, find out good things abt you from friends and build on it and try asking someone not so pretty looking out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): hey man...i was just surfing the net and came across this...some people take longer than others which there is noting wrong with...be confident...go up to girls and get to know them. Confidence is a great key. Be yourself and just get out and dont be affraid to ask out girls on a date or watever.
Peace Out
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A
male
reader, SUICIDEVICTIM +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Wow DR V is hillarious! any way to the poster i think an alter ego fck being your self make up a new you rite it down on paper and everyhting it will be fun trust me you can be a big time record producer driving a lambo your to young to be worying about meeting your wife its better to be fcking a shallow girl then none at all go out there and have some fun lie cheat steal. im guessing you dont have it all togather in the looks departement, sssince the girl stop talking to you after sending her a pic, I want you to go out to the movies to a bar a mall a grocery store and start observing people and cuples and you will see the ugliest fatest man with a beutiful girl on his arm, you will see lesbian couples wth a fine looking woman and an ugly one just observe people and learn how to interact, my game honestly is so good i should write a book. Next you should just start hittng on girls but not in slimebag sort of way for ex dont be like hey baby nice coulo. Be smooth somehting something like hi i hope you have a closet full of those dresses cause you look great in it, talk to alot of girls wherever you go and give them your email make liek a seperate account just for that dont get caught up on my space or face book tell them you dont hve one if they ask you if you have my space tel them no thats for kds tell her you have a Gallardo google that and carry a picture of it around in your wallet then find a place where you can rent one cause thats what your driving on your dates. you get more bees with honey take your causin or sister or niece hell even your mother to a club with you watch how all the eyes will be on you now that you got a girl on your shoulder the women will want you because they think your taken. Hit the gym tone up learn a foreign language think out side the box look for the finest girl you have ever seen and ask her out not matter how hot she is the worst she can do is say no now if the finest girls says no you dont have anything to lose with the rest. I think your afraid of rejection you have low self esteem because of that everyone gets rejected everyone has image issues from the bodybuilder to miss america dont be you be who ever you want and start getting laid theres hundreds of lonely women out there just waiting you just gotta step up to the plate
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok 1st off dr v...where did i say i was emo? secondly i didnt make a bet on a girl if you can read that..the girl lost a bet and had to go out with me... thirdly im not bitching, im frustrated theres a difference... and lastly, with a attitude like yours, and you being a biggot like that it didnt help at all....
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 "22yr old virgin and its seriously getting me down with loanliness"ok"honestly sex doesn't mean anything for me"hrm, Really? cause.. well your introduction title says other wise.and you're Single because you made a bet on a girl?..well I see its that time of the week again,Unless your Emo ( which I'm doubting) what with all the crying, or you have a hormone imbalance. I have a question for you.I have been single coming up to 7 years now. No I'm not a virgin, yes I've had several fuck buddies.What is SO wrong with being single? what's so wrong with understanding that you can be comfortable in your own skin?if you're planning on leaving the responsibility of happiness onto some poor girls shoulders then how screwed are you going to be when she dumps your ass?being a virgin doesn't mean you can't have a relationship.You are the reason you can't have a relationship or a gf because you're stuck in a negative cycle of - "WAH poor me! i'm fat and emo and ginger and when i poop it comes out of my nose!"Stop whining. you want a good reason to cry? try going to a childrens cancer ward at the local hospital.If you don't know who you are or what you are then you won't ever become that. and no girl is going to want to carry you through life. Get out there find yourself and stop bitching.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): I'm 20 yo and never had a gf neither, but I decided to move foward ! It's VERY hard. The first time I asked a girl to go out was on msn, it failed, it really affected me: my dinner had some difficulty to go through. Second time, it was in real life, had prepared my request in front of the miror, it failed, but I could tell her nervousity met something. A few months later, we got very close to dating each others but a friend accidently messed up soemthing... nothing since then, but each time you try, it's easier.
I've been doing some personnal development (to know myself inside out) for a while, this fall I'm going on a dating web site (dunno which one yet). Remember that you have to play the numbers a bit: if you only try 1 time, you don't have much chances, but if you try 10 times, you already know a bit more what you kind of women you really want to have in your life. Keep trying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Hey, I'm 23 and female and also had problems with being shy (In my case because of bullying in school). I know its hard but maybe you should try talking to girls just as friends without any expectations. The more you talk to us, the easier it gets! (at least I found that with talking to guys). Relax, make jokes, smile it'll make you look confident which in turn makes you seem all the more attractive.
As for being a virgin there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. All I can say is that there are girls out there who would love to meet someone like you who wants to take things slowly and have a meaningful relationship.
Best of luck to you
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A
male
reader, venisonstew +, writes (11 July 2009):
I am 22 years old and was in a similar situation. one thing i can say is always look your best when leaving the house. clothes don't make or break a person, but try to dress presentable without overdoing it. don't worry, she'll come along when you least expect it. don't look for it and it'll come to you. pick your head up and be confident.
my situation was a little different. I wanted a girlfriend so bad I was constantly depressed. made my friends depressed just being there. my life took a different course. i realized that i'm "not straight" if you get my drift. i'm not saying in any way shape or form that this applies to you. but once i had my "encounters" i was finally able to pick my head up and be happy. lately girls flirt with me unexpectedly now that they see confidence and self respect in me, but i'm not trying to hook up with them, they're a little too late.
anyway my point is if you look confident and not desperate she will be attracted to you. eye contact means everything. girls dont always like people who are "too nice" also girls have an amazing ability to see through a person. if you don't have any self respect but are trying to mask that, not only will she see right through that, she will see the mask. if you don't have a job and mommy and daddy give you all your money, she'll see through that as well. girls like to analyze every move. i have somewhat of that ability, it comes with being gay, but not quite like a female does.
be patient, have true confidence, not false inflated overconfidence, appear your best without overdoing it, and she'll be attracted to you. also be careful some girls have a pretty face and a hot body but are full of disease down there because they sleep with anyone. i can tell just by looking at them.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (11 July 2009):
 I haven't always been single but I get how hard it can be when everyone around you is coupled off and you're on your own.
Just for the record, not all girls hate shy guys! I actually find it endearing, I definitly prefer it to someone who's cocky.
I know you said you didn't want anyone telling you to be yourself but what else can you be? There's no point in trying to be someone you're not or girls are never going to know the real you.
You WILL find someone, I completely understand you might not believe that at the moment but it's true. Try to have the confidence to strike up conversation with girls, if they turn you down just shrug it off and move on, everyone gets rejected sometimes, and any girl that turns you down over something as stupid as the way you look, when you've previously got along so well, is really not worth bothering about. Good luck hun x
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 I'm sorry for what you are being through. I think the only think I can recommend is being yourself girls have to love you as you are. just u. if they refused u for such a silly reasons like look then you don't need them coz this is showed the empty heads they got. be sure the right girl will come in the right time and the right place. be confident. good luck
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