A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This probably sounds like a stupid question, but what does it feel like to be in love? I'm a 20 year old guy, never had a girlfriend or even any interest from a woman, still a virgin, never been kissed etc. So I really don't know what its like. I'm pretty shy, I would say im not very attractive at all and its looking like times run out for me. So...it would be nice to know what it feels like to have someone love you for who you are, flaws and all :).
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (19 September 2012):
"Stayc63088" did a pretty good answer, especially for somebody in their 20's.
A clue that runs through many of her examples is that you start looking for ways to organize your life around hers. Not just doing things together like dates, but major lifestyle things. Would you change schooling or career plans to better fit with hers? Would you change your desires about raising children (number of kids, spacing, etc) to better meet her expectations? I don't mean that you have to give yourself over to be her slave, but would you give serious consideration to altering your plans, hopes, and dreams to create an "us" identity rather than separate "him and her" identities. And, of course, when you realize that she will do the same for you, it's an awesome experience.
I know it's difficult - perhaps one of the most difficult personal changes you've done so far in your life - but try to uncouple the sexuality thing from the relationship thing, at least a little. Yes, sexual expression will probably be a part, even a very significant part, of the relationship you are looking for but it's more an effect or consequence of the relationship, not a cause or foundation of the relationship. Advertising yourself up-front as a virgin almost says, "Sex defines what I am, and is mostly what I'm about, as a person.".
I was still a couple months short of 22 years old when I sat in my university graduation. My friends' and acquaintances' names were being called. As some of them stepped down from the stage, diploma in hand, they were met by wives or girlfriends (or both?) and received displays of affection bordering on sexual assault. The thought occurred to me - "Hey! I bet I'm the ONLY guy here who has never gotten laid!". Well, it wasn't true then, but it would be another 5 to 10 years before I really knew that. I'm certain the same can be said of now.
Even then I knew that, despite my lust and horniness, I didn't really want sex - I wanted companionship and relationship that could express itself through mutually intimate and pleasurable sex. As it turned out, about 5 months after graduation I DID meet the girl who would become my wife. One year plus two weeks after we first laid eyes on each other we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine, and she offered hers in return) on our wedding night. And, by the way, the very first time wasn't very good sex - but it WAS one of the most significant and fulfilling events in both our lives. We're still married - to each other! - and having sex, over 38 years later.
While many have paired up with their life partner by the time they turn 20, many others haven't. My oldest kid married at 32 - after dating for three years. I strongly suspect they were each other's first sex partner, quite likely on their wedding night. To be honest - one factor that actually got in the way of their marrying sooner is the number of people within their age group who had relationships at much earlier ages, and now in their 30's have a failed marriage (or 2 or 3) behind them. The "happy and contented" couples you see around you may not be everything they claim to be!
You're not the first person, either male or female, to ask this question. A few years back I answered it in the thread "How can I meet men outside of college?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-meet-men-outside-of-college.html You'll find my comments, with some specific suggestions, near the bottom of that page.
A
female
reader, Summer DeMilo  +, writes (16 September 2012):
At 20 years old, time definitely hasn't run out for you. I know 28 and 31 year old virgins too. Not everyone out there has lost their virginity by the age of 18 - I'd say you're better off losing it after 20 because you're more mature and able to handle the consequences. There's someone for everyone out there. Take a look around you next time you're out in public and you will notice how many different couples there are: good looking ones and ones where one person is much better looking than the other etc. Looks aren't what's important. You'll meet someone who you'll click with and they'll find you attractive and vice versa. I'm not sure you ever love everything about the person you are with but you'll definitely love them in spite of their flaws and they will feel the same about you.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 First of all you are only 20! Time has not run out for you! You will meet someone, don't even worry about that.
Now what it feels like to be in love... I have felt differently for different people. Some were really intense and passionate, my husband now it is more of a comfortable feeling. You feel like you can tell him/her anything, he knows you better than anyone else, you can really be your true self, you love to see him/her happy so sometimes you do things you wouldn't normally do to make him/her happy, you love spending all your time with him/her, you feel like anything you do is fun as long as he/she is with you, you can't imagine being with anyone else and you don't ever want to be with anyone else, you feel closer to him/her than anyone else, they can make you so angry yet you can still feel love, you feel so lucky. Most of it is hard to describe though. Those are my feelings when I try to analyze it.
How I feel about having my flaws accepted? Well I've got a lot of them so it makes me love him more that he accepts all of my flaws. It makes you feel loved and secure. And again makes you feel lucky. Sometimes his flaws annoy me, which is normal, but it always ends up that I love him and he wouldn't be who he is without them. And that's the truth.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Trust me you will know when it happens. Everyone has their own perspective on what love is like for them and you'll just know when it happens.
I was like you when i was your age always telling my friends i'll never find a boyfriend i had previous ones but nothing great.
Then one day BAM! i found my current boyfriend, he was my first kiss and i lost my virginity to him at the age of 22.
So time isn't running out trust me you'll find them!
And you will know when it is love with flaws and all!
Keep positive and don't be so hard on yourself be confident and love yourself! It's ok to be shy but don't be so hard on yourself and put yourself down so much!
Chin up!
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