A
male
age
41-50,
*lablabla
writes:My brother is in Basic Training for the Army. Before he left, his wife and him were joined together at the hip. Now I've been keeping an eye on her while hes gone. I'm like 99.9% sure shes got a thing for one of our friends, but I don't know what to say to her. Its obvious they like each other, but I'd LIKE to think that nothing will come of it. Judging from her actions though, I'm not sure and I can't shake the thought. They just spend a little too much time together and always end up hanging out at weird times. i.e. 4 am at a public park when they both have to be at work by 7 or 8 am that day. Should I approach her about this and if so what should I say? I can't say anything to my brother. At least not until hes out of basic. I don't want him to screw it up becuase he's worried about her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): Is that friend person of yours....YOU?...Just Kidding!:-)Just asking, as to why would your STILL hang out in a park with one of your friends like it's cool and never step in a suggest a position against this inappropriate scene? You have a right to protect the interest of your brothers home, marriage, etc. 99.99% of the time....IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Dude, step up to the plate and protect your FAMILY., and if she responds more often with a problem, then you have all the evidence to present to your brother so he can better manage this before it gets out of hand or something happens-that everyone will regret!!STEP-UP-2-DA-PLATE!!
A
male
reader, blablabla +, writes (26 June 2007):
blablabla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for the responses! I am feeling better about this already. @birdy: Im a guy =p but thank you very much for the solid advice. I think I will sit down with both of them in hopes that it won't escelate into anything more than a civil conversation. Hopefully they will both understand that it is not my intention to taboo their friendship, but rather make them aware of how their actions and body language make others think. My brother is 10x the paranoid person that I am, so if I can see these things going on then he will most definitely be aware of it as well. Thanks again for all your help!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 In every relationship, the woman establishes the boundaries. The reason why they are the rule makers in the relationship is because they are the ones who will become pregnant and have a child to raise if they decide to consumate any relationship. Once you are someone's wife, it is entirely inappropriate to be out with someone at 4am. And if there is an obvious attraction between them - believe me - if it's obvious to you - other people have seen it too - SO - it's important to talk to them before any gossip starts and gets back to your brother. She needs to know that she is flirting with danger here. I'd talk to her about the choices that she is making. It's not easy being young, married and being an army wife, but she did enter into this knowing that she might be lonely. She is not setting the right boundaries here. Most women understand that they will be attracted to men other than their husband from time to time - and understand that they are entirely responsible for handling themselves and keeping their attraction from becoming more than a passing thought and turning into a full-blown affair. If you are on good terms with your friend - be blunt and tell them flat out how you feel about this development. I would not worry about how either of them feel about being scrutinized, you acting as a loyal, concerned sister in this instance. He knows in his heart that he is not being a stand-up guy if he is flirting eith someone else's wife at 4am. Being brought to task by the wife's sister-in-law might be the wake-up call he needs to back off. All you can do is talk with BOTH of them and hope that it sinks in. Tell them exactly what you have told us. AND Please don't tell your brother and request that they don't tell him either - He needs to keep his mind on his job right now and doesn't need anything distracting him from his duty.
Best of Luck.
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A
male
reader, blablabla +, writes (26 June 2007):
blablabla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have very shortly touched on the subject with her, but I refrain from speaking at length about it becuase I don't want to piss her off or start up a bunch of drama. I strongly considered talking to our friend before I said anything to her at all. However, hes a generally pig-headed kind of person that does not take criticism well at all and I feel if I do approach him with the subject he will just get very defensive and upset.I have no problem with her attraction to him. This is part of life. I do have a problem with the wierd hours they hang out and the way they act around each other. Lets just say that if they continued to act this way once hes back, it will not be kosher at all. Would it be a bad idea to sit down with her and just tell her what I'm thinking? She knows that myself and my brother are a paranoid lot, but I can't help feel like they are sneaking around while hes gone. I know she loves him, but even people with good intentions make mistakes.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I think maybe it would be a good idea to try and confront her about this after all he is your brother and although you may not be able to stop anything from happen if that is her intentions, she will at least know that you suspect something.
Failing that why not try and approach your friend about it and point out the fact him spending time with you brothers wife at various times of the day is really not a good idea and you think that he should maybe back off abit.
If something is going to happen then it will happen but at least if you have spoken to both of them you have done all you can.
Take care.xx.
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