A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI am heading towards 40 in that slippery slope of time. I work hard and have 2 beautiful children. I watch in the mirror as each day seems to bring more wrinkles and the reality that I will never look really good again.Today my son (6y old) saw my photo in my passport taken 8 years ago and said: This is when you were a real mommy. Oh, Isaid, and what am I now? Now,he said, you are very old...My husband killed himself laughing on the couch and said to my son (who looked at him uncomprehendingly): I see someone is getting no dessert tonight...Anyway.So on my husband's computer he has this screensaver that flashes stored photos from your computer every few sekonds and then changes.And it is all these beautiful women in virtually no clothing. What is this then? I asked the other day. Oh, it is ART, he says. The female form is beautiful and should be celebrated.I see, I said. Cant help noticing I am not on any of these photos to celebrate... And he looked at me with utter surprise.Then trying to cover himself he said, but you wouldnt want to be on there anyway...No, I thought, only half naked teenagers are to be "celebrated". Not the woman who bore your children, cook your meals, contributes financially to the household, holds your hand when you are sick, and who sleeps with you. She is just old and mundane...Why does he need those girls?I am a good woman. Not ugly. But not stunning either.But I do seem to have feelings too.Why does it hurt?I am surprised by the pain... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): Don't take what your son says seriously. I tease my mum all the time about her age because like you, she dosen't like ageing at all. Your getting older, so what. Everyone does, I know I'm going to be that age one day and so is everyone else.
Your husband screensaver. why don't you get him too take it off, very immature for his age.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I am so sorry that you have received such poor answers when you are hurting. The last one from Lance should be struck off; he obviously has no idea what empathy is and he shouldn't be here on this site, please ignore his pathetic statements.Positives are always good to dwell on, of course. Do remember all you have to look forward to, things that you are doing that bring you happiness, or perhaps consider a new pursuit, something that you haven't tried before. Get together with friends and see what they think. Exercise is great for releasing endorphins...how about a dance class? I am thinking what you need to do is bring more light into your life so you don't have to think about the 'negatives' ageing brings.Your husband sounds insensitive. So explain how you feel. Communication is all you need, else he won't know. Tell him. Ask him how he would feel if you had good looking young men flashing on your computer. Say you feel hurt. You should be maturing together not separately.You don't need botox or a youthful appearance to be happy...these things are artificial, pushed on us by the media. You need support, love, a good relationship and things to look forward to in life. This will create happiness for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Aw get real woman! You have your health, your husband, your son, try concentrating on the positives instead of becoming a vain, old drudge. If you have started to look old, then it sounds like it's self-inflicted. Think young and beautiful and you will be so. Just remember: you've got a damn sight more than a lot of people in this world so be grateful for what you have, instead of whining about what you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): honey concentrate on the positives about yourself, every stretch mark we have is the result of our beautiful children, every line we have tells a story about the things in our past every extra ounce is meal we lovingly prepared and enjoyed with family or friends and with every day we aquire new knowledge to pass on to our children, dont dwell on the body u once had celebrate the one u have now its all woman and as time goes by we should celebrate the person we are now not the fresh faced teen we once was. sure pictures of naked women may make us feel a little untidy round the edges but none of them can give to your husband the years and the bonds u have built together, relax and dont worry so much that just adds more lines ha ha
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): I'm glad your husband saw the funny side. To a 6 year old everyone over 20 seems ancient. Look at some of the older people around you instead of comparing yourself with the younger ones. Every age has its beauty. When people come up to a decade birthday they often feel this way. But as you say yourself, you have a lot going for you.
Men will always look at pictures of women. It doesn't mean they don't love their wives, it just gets so that they are so used to them they don't have to think about how much they mean to them. You sound like your life is fine. The last day of 39 and the first of 40 are only 24 hours from each other. They are only numbers. There is nothing wrong with how you look.
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