A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I'm a 33 yr old male. I have no children. I currently am single. Here's what I have learned about myself in the past 6 months after the woman of my dreams walked all over me. I was 23 and thought to myself there has to be more enjoyment in life than this. I worked as a grounds keeper for the Ohio Department of Natural Resources. I was sick of the job. I was sick of the 2 Natural Resources Degrees I had gotten. The income sucked. I told myself its time to live and ENJOY life cuz my growing up kinda sucked. I was always fascinated with Fire and EMS. I dove into becoming a FF/Paramedic. I dove into that as well as living life and seeing and doing amazing things. No stress. No worries. I am a christian man and God took care of me. But now I am 33. I have a great job in the field of EMS but the money could be better. So I am going back to school for my RN cuz it's a field I am good at and the money is good as well. What I am looking for are ideas on how to rejoin the rest of the world in being serious about life. I want the wife and kids. I want the nice house in an affluent part of the city. But I've had this no stress life style for so long that I am abhored at the idea of what all is needed. It has to be done though. Have any ideas?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): My advice is not to make any big changes in your life based on relatively simplistic assumptions or ideas. Think long and hard about why do you want the house, the wife, and the kids. Your friends may be very happy with that, but that doesn't mean you will be. I'm not saying you wouldn't be happy, but you are not the same as those who settled down early in life (or you would have done the same).
I had my first child in my early 40s. It is a lot more fun than I'd imagined, but it is also a lot of responsibility, the kind of responsiblity that you can't just walk away from if you get bored with it. I'm not saying you couldn't handle it or that you wouldn't be happy, but it does change your life a lot and limit your options.
I will say that I find it much harder to meet women after I turned about 35 or so. Around here most women get married by 30, and they think a guy who is 35 or older and never married must have something wrong with him. If you are sure you want to get married and have kids, it will probably be easier the sooner you start. My advice would be to try to meet lots of women but not get serious too quickly. Cover some water and don't too involved too quick unless you're relatively sure you've found a "keeper". I'm not saying sleep with a lot of women. Try to get to know a lot of them.
I basically sucked at dating and socializing, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRedAthena, Yeah the lack of a social life has started to build since I don't have what most of my friends have which is the wife and kids and house and all of that. Its hard for me to discuss those things with them when I don't have them. I have a condo that I refurbed but its not a HOUSE. As far as the no stress life I learned what to do in Fire and EMS cuz I trained for it like crazy. What to do in those life and death situations comes second nature because I have done it for so long. I don't think. I just do. It stressed me a lil in the beginning but it's become no different than putting the key in the car ignition and turning it on. Like a lot in my field I let the social stigma of being "A LIFE SAVER!!!" make me kind of arrogant. Not attending functions came out as though I just didn't want to go or was snobby. The reality in my world became that in the back of the ambulance and in the ER I work in is a world I am comfortable in just plugging away doing my thing. Put me in a social setting with lots of people and I became like a fish out of water flopping around gasping for air. As far as the ex gf goes, she was a catalyst for me that made me rethink the kind of women I went for. I was a fixer upper. I took the DIY of helping women and got screwed every time. The reality of that is that I wanted cared for so bad that I would put everything into caring for another woman hoping to receive that back. Yeah that doesn't happen....ever. Even then, why would a man want cared for by a woman with so much baggage that she couldn't take care of her own problems. I guess I should add the pretense that I am not turning into a "jerk" (liberally rephrase that explicative if you like). I am just becoming more honest and realistic about who I am and who I need to be. The one thing I am obviously missing is social skills. So where do I go from here would be a better route to take this. Any ideas folks?
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A
male
reader, Dreamland  +, writes (29 July 2011):
Are you the youngest or an only child? Did your parents spoil you? Can you expound a but on your "my growing up kind sucked" statement? It's possible that you have an aversion to responsibilities involving children, a marriage, and a high stress job that can support said lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or having children; did this idea pop in your head because you view it as a measure of success, or are most of your friends and siblings married with kids? You might feel inadequate or insecure because you think you are labeled as a failure for not have a wife and kids.Be careful embarking on a high stress family/kids venture that you're not really ready for. You strike me as someone who doesn't like stress, let alone handle stressful situations effectively, so don't do it just to "be successful". It's no so bad .....I'm in my forties, single, no kids, and I'm loving life; my married friends all advice me to stay single! I'm the boss of all bosses in the MILF single scene, since all the divorcees are looking for some real fun with someone who doesn't have baggage. Enjoy life my friend!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (29 July 2011):
 I am wondering what your idea of stress is, since you work in a stressful field:)
Have you lacked a social life? How about plugging into some social groups in your church? How about signing up for a Christian dating site and seeing who you meet with similiar values?
Try a group like meetup.com and search in your city for social gatherings you might enjoy with single people in your age range. Make friends as well as find a mate to have a balanced life.
By the way, she was'nt the woman of your dreams if she walked all over you!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 One step at a time. Find a stable career, then look for a wife. Make it a mission, dont sit back and let shit happen naturally man, cause it just wont happen. Take some more serious initiative here and dice will fall in your favor. Good luck.
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