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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am 31 years old and have reached a crisis point in my life that I was foolish enough not see coming; the last of my friends has moved 100s of miles away and I am finding myself deeply, deeply lonely. I have been making the effort to go out by myself but I feel very vulnerable at night time. I literally have no one to go out with. I have arranged to go out by myself tomorrow night because I figure that I must not let the fact that no-one else wants to come with me stop me from doing what I want. However, it is going to be the most difficult thing I have done as I am quite shy and don’t really enjoy going out by myself. I would much rather share good times with people I know. I will be going on my own to a dance where I will know no-one. I won’t be able to drink because I will be driving and I will be at this dance for 5 1/2 hours! I am not quite sure why I am putting myself through this but I thought I have to face my fear of socialising otherwise I will never make any new friends. The trouble is I never see anyone on a regular enough basis to make new friends.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): I don't have any friends either, as like your friends they married and moved away. I began to get frustrated because there were so many things that I wanted to do that I didn't do because I was on my own. Eventually I gained the confidence to do something on my own such as going to the cinema, in a way it's better because I don't have to rely on anybody like before and sometimes my friends used to let me down. So doing things on your own can be terrifying, embarrasing and maybe a little selfish but once you pluck up the courage it works out well and it made me realise that there are other people who are on their own too. I admire you for going to a dance on your own it's not something that I would have done but would now consider doing. Wish you a happy new year and I hope you make some more friends.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 I think your best bet is to get some hobbies, what are you interests? Are there people at your work that are around your sort of age group?
Im 33 and most of my friends are either married or moved on, but we do make a point of mabe meeting up once a month or something. I find, if you are in to excercise going to gym after work is a great social thing, you get talking to loads of different people, and maybe meet up in the bar after.
you could maybe start up an evening class with whatever interests you, gardening, art, music, dance ect. its a sure way of exchanging conversation with all different people, and who knows you may even find the woman of you dreams, if not some good friends.
I also find i speak to loads of people just out walking my dog on a Sunday morning.
Hope this helps you, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (31 December 2006):
 Hi there,
I have a few friends myself i hang out with even before my fiance came along. what i suggest u do is to make time to enjoy yourself. you dont need to have people to do that. In relaxing and going out, naturally u will eventually start meeting people. But u have to be bold to start alone first.You can meet people anywhere just try to be abit accomodating and they will be all over u. They are volunteer programe, church groups, sports clubs, gymn, parties from collegues at work, even the movies.
Goodluck dear and happy holidays.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): I never see anyone on a regular enough basis to make any friends....Join a volunteer group, get active in church, take a class, talk to people at your place of employment, ask people to join you and offer to pay their way....Join an internet dating service or two, take an art or dance class, join a gym, get to know the people you do business with and see every day.....write letters and stay in contact with your long distance friends....
Have gratitude for what you do have, your health (you are not in a wheel chair and can go dancing) you are only 31 and are in the prime of your life so take care of your body and your health....and be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Let's stay positive. I know, I am a person who lives in this world and who has hardships too so I do know how easy it is to begin to feel bad. *hugs*
Going out and being shy and not knowing anyone...wow...even I haven't done this. I haven't been anywhere on my own except to run errand for my family. It's been awhile since I have done things for me.
I broke up with the long term boyfriend on Christmas Eve...my parents are relieved.
I haven't had any real desire as of yet to just...get out for some "me" time.
Just keep making it a point to head out on the weekends. Maybe look into joining some team sport...something you wanted to do or anything.
My Mother, she shared with my Dad and sisters how when she next goes to visit my Uncle in Seattle, she is going to ask to drive one of his trucks/semi. My Dad and my sister then went out of there way to say she wouldn't like it, she couldn't do it and I thought...JUST DO IT and have fun.
My Mom was normally a very nervous to try something new and very unsure to venture past her comfort zone (that didn't threaten he marriage or family commitments).
It sounded like fun to me and if I have the oppurtunity to experience and learn how to drive one; I'll be all over it.
Better to do things you want at a younger age where you have more time and more...youth to fully appreciate the many oppurtunities life has.
If you can't change your world, change yourself.
If you can't change yourself, then change your world.
You are doing awesome. Best Wishes and Have Fun tomorrow.
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