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age
41-50,
*ATTYL149
writes:I am 30 (just) and I have never had a girlfriend. In fact, I have never even kissed a girl or lost my virginity. It is not something I like to broadcast as everyone I know is in a relationship or has been in one, and it makes me feel inadequate. I still live at home as it is too expensive to move out. I am more confident than I used to be, but when it comes to asking out girls, I just don't know what to say. I don't like using chat up lines, and I would like to know how to start a conversation I did use to try to approach women, but after being knocked back all the time, I gave up. The last time I tried was 8 years ago. I know they say if you fall off the horse, just get back up and keep riding, but I can't even get back on the saddle. Now I feel that my lack of experience combined with my age, will make it even harder and turn people off me when it comes to romance. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): Well i can certainly blame the women of today for that one which i have no reason at all to blame myself since i am a very good man that isn't ugly at all either. Today most women are very picky since they will only want the best of all and will not settle for less since they're so very selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very money hungry as well since they will only date guys with money unfortunately. They do want to be very spoiled and most of the time they will take advantage with these guys that have money like i just mentioned since they really like to be treated like queens which makes these type of women very sad and pathetic altogether. The ones that have their careers today are the worst of all since they will curse at us guys when you try to start a conversation with the one that will attract us since i had this happened to me already. A friend that i know had the very same thing happened to him as well when we never did anything wrong in the first place since all we said to them was good morning or hello to start the conversation going but that obviously didn't work out for us unfortunately. Back in the old days most women were very nice with a great personality which made it very easy for the men in those days since the times were completely different compared to today.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): i'm 27 and still single as well, gosh I wonder what causes guys like us to go this long being single and not knowing how to talk to women in order to attract them
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reader, enraged  +, writes (11 November 2012):
First off let me start by saying that I know where you’re coming from, as much as one can know a person they’ve met anyway. Secondly, to those complaining about not having a girlfriend but list examples of opportunities, go f-yourself with a stick wrapped in razor wire. I’m 29, never kissed a girl, never had a date, never had sex, and never, ever had the opportunity for any of these. After reading through a lot of these responses, I find myself about ready to punch my computer screen. Those of you complaining about your missed opportunities or chances you didn’t take advantage of can go ahead and rot.Now, what can you about being in our situation? Unfortunately, not much. The best advice I can offer is to simply accept it. That’s harsh I know but it’s all we can do. It’s hard to do, I myself am still struggling to do so, and it’s easy to realize this intellectually—but emotionally is a bit harder. Life simple isn’t fair, it’s made for those who have looks, or money, or a-hole attitudes and leaves the rest of us to wonder why they get so much and we get so little. My advice, try to pour yourself in something like work or hobbies because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that life only gets worse.And to those spotting on about self-esteem and confidence, I will simply point out that those or synonymous with arrogance, and an extremely, aggravatingly, condescending thing to say to someone in our situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I feel for you sir! I'm 33, and never had a girlfriend, never even been with a girl. But I imagine you look better than me! I still live with my mother, and I have a bad job, no car, no confidence, an I'm overweight. Going through High School in the early/mid 90's, I was the "fat loser". I had no friends, no one. I went to University in 1996, and I thought I would soon get a career, a family, a "real" life. Nope. University was worse, and after one year, I dropped out. Now my life is at it's lowest. It's sad, my brothers a Police Officer with two children and my younger sister is getting married next year, and I'm single and living with mom. Well dude, best luck to you! I think you have a chance!
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reader, secretNinja +, writes (23 November 2010):
don't worry mate I'm 30 years old never been out with a girl I'm very good looking get looks all the time even winks but i'm very shy the words that come out my mouth are awkward silly and stupid sometimes I think to myself maybe this is me who will be single all my life I've even cryed some people may laugh but It's not funny I've tried talking to many girls in clubs, bars, eating out places just no luck which ever girl that ends up in my arms I'm ready to give my heart to her plus die for her like a real man, but just like you I have no experience combined with my age now I feel ashamed of myself I've done nothing all my life and yet i have all the looks in the world....some times I think to myself Is there anybody there for me just around the corner let it be why do i get this feeling she won't be there this loney heart is so heavy with tears..
some people get all the luck in the world but they don't realize how lucky they are!!!!
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reader, shorty80  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Im the same guys, i have had plenty of women interested in me, but its simply a confidence issue, i have just recently let the woman i thought was the one disappear out of life for similar things again, well it wasnt all my fault but i playd a major part. You just have 2 be more confident, easier said than done i know,im not really needing a girl friend or wanting one that bad, but its only now and again that u get that special feeling with someone, someone you completely adore, and enjoy being with,it has only happened me on four occasions, thats what i want, and prob why i havent bothered with just any girl. Its hard work finding her, but i just wont settle for just anyone, im not that kind of person, i need it to be special.
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reader, moonpieatbu +, writes (2 September 2010):
i was in a situation very similar to yours. if you want a happy relationship, you need to be picky. after dating a few girls i had no physical attraction to simply because they gave me a chance, i realized a relationship doesnt mean anything if you do not feel the spark and do not wake up thankful to be with that person.
also, online dating is hard for all guys unless you are ridiculously attractive. even if you are attractive and have a great profile, the ratio of guys to girls is incredibly lopsided so decent girls get tons of messages from guys. dont get discouraged. unless you have really low standards, flirting and dating in real life is much easier than online. i have some friends that are so good at attracting girls in real life but when they tried plentyoffish just for the heck of it, they barely had any messages retruned. dont take it personally.
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reader, Tarnished Knight  +, writes (20 December 2009):
What can you do? Stop acting like the victim. Ok, so you have not asked a girl out in 8 years, so what? How many times will you ask for directions to get to where you need to go...qas many as it takes right? Keep asking. Track what works and what doesnt. Hang out at the places that you enjoy being at, a bookstore, grocery store, sports games, a chess match, a football game, a polo game, a soccer game, a music store...it does not matter. You will need something to talk about. get confident, understand that is he says "no" you are no worse off than you were before you asked her. I laugh when I read qustions like yours because you are said "no" to by many poeple not just girls...we all are...dont feel bad, but we keep asking right. Let me explain...how many times have you asked for a discount, or to get out of a ticket, or to get a promotion or a raise? We hear no a lot and we keep going. Build your confidence and remember to learn by what you do and say. If you dont change what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting. Ask and you shall receive. Dont use corny lines, just be you! You are a good guy or you would not be asking for help.
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reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (20 December 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I thought I would update
The relationship only lasted five months. I thought it was going well but obviously I was mistaken. I have been single again for three months. I was chatting with someone else for a while, but have not had any more messages, and they have not logged into Plenty Of Fish
The problem I had was being a virgin, and then being with someone has had sex and "pretending" that I had. I couldn't admit to the fact that I hadn't and just said it had been a while. I tried to but lack of confidence kept letting me down and making it worse
The whole relationship started well. The problem was I had been single all my life, and although I liked her, I could never say I really fancied her. I couldn't even tell her I love her. She was the only girl who had shown that kind of interest in me, so I suppose that's why I went out with her. I thought that if I waited for the right person to come along, then I would be waiting for ever. At least now I can say I have had a girlfriend without feeling that I am lying to myself and other people
She had been single for a while herself, so in a way it kind of made it easier. I did cry when she said we think we should break up, although from a message she sent me, I kind of figured out that was what she was going to do. We were planning to go to Paris for her birthday. Luckily, we had not booked it
There was one date where I felt that spark had gone, and that I didn't really want to be there with her. I had consigned myself to being with her for a long time without really fancying her
The days leading up to the break up I stayed over at her place for three days. I had stayed over there every weekend. The bus journey into work, I could sense a change in her mood. I didn't want to believe that was the case but I prepared myself mentally for whatever might come
She was a larger girl, and although I do believe that personality is at the forefront of anyone, I kept having that nagging feeling that she wasn't my type. As I said the first date was fantastic and so were the next few. I even got on with her mother
There are no photos of us together and all I have are just a few dim and distant memories. She has met someone else, and as I say I am still single
I would love to be in another relationship, but I fear the worst. I send loads of messages through dating sites but very, very rarely get a response
The problem I have as a previous person responded, is a lack of people skills. I always think how I am going to kill that awkward silence, I have nothing to talk about. I'm not the best person at conversations at all
The problem is I can go on dating sites and see girls I like, but know that they probably won't be interested. I have never had a girl just send me a message. The only one was Jo-Ann, my ex, and that was because I added her as a favourite. I wasn't sure that I fancied her at the time and I didn't know what message to send to break the ice
Anyway that's enough from me for the moment
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): Hi,
I'm 28 and I never had a real grilfriend. I just kissed 2 girls in clubs. It took me time to understand why but I finally did : I desperately lack people skills. I never understand social cues so I never do the right things to get women interested in me.
I don't think I can learn them at my age ... you're supposed to understand how girls' minds work when you're a teenager. I feel like even if I find a girl now I will never be able to live with her.
What I'm saying is not very helpful. I just wanted to point out the problem with most of "old" virgin is lack of social skills, ability to read body language, etc. They never know what to do or how to act so they knocked back everytime. The more they are rejected the more they sink into loneless.
What's the solution ? I see none and I try to focus on other things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Hows it going with that girl J? I just wanted to see if online dating has worked out for you. Good luck, Im sure you will find someone, u just need to find people in the same league as yourself when it comes to internet dating. In real life, humor and charm and confidence can overcome looks and age and other outer attributes but online, charm and confidence cant be displayed thru a email so its harder. But anyways, it never hurts to try. Message everyone u are interested in and let the chips fall how they may.
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reader, enigma41202 +, writes (10 December 2009):
Hi. I'm also 30 and have never had a girlfriend. However I have kissed a few girls and have more than lost my virginity. Just know that's nothing to be ashamed of, even at out age. No matter what "so called" common society will tell you. But i understand enough to know you're coming from a place of lonliness. Trust me brother, I know all about that. Trouble for me is, i've spent so much time alone, that even if I could find someone, the idea of someone else being there all the friggin time, or calling all the time, is horrible. I need too much of me time, alone. If you haven't already, please don't become me. It's a bad place to be. I want that someone in my life. But at the same time, I want to be left alone. If you can find someone, go for it. Even if it's just a short, temporary thing, at least the experience may give you the confidence to try again. And eventually who knows. You may find her. That one and only. I know I haven't been any actually help, but from one lonely soul to another, I wish you the best of luck.
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reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (7 April 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to update this for anyone still reading thisI have met a beautiful girl called "J" through an internet dating site. I added her as a favourite and she sent me a messge, so at least I knew she was interested in me. We have been chatting for a few days through the site and then through Facebook. I asked her out the other day but she wanted to chat a bit moreWe have been sending each other messages all night tonight and she is really looking forward to meeting me. I am so overjoyed and she is already planning the second date so I hope all goes wellWe have so much in common so we have a lot we can share together. I've never been happier in my life and I hope that this can become a long term relationship. It is my first serious one, although I'm not going to admit thatThanks for all your advice guys, it has really helped. I must now take myself off that site and hopefully I won't need to go back on there
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reader, Rory +, writes (12 March 2009):
This same situation is my own predicament. I am almost 30 and have had a GF but that was 15 years ago. I was an academic in high school and never bothered with girls, most would find me nerdy anyway. There has been a unbridgable void when it comes to finding common ground and common interests. If you are religious a paster/bishop/ priest may help. Have a friends? Not intending to be mean spirited but in my case friends are few.... If one of them has a GF the 3 of you should hang out for a few hours.. makes the conversation discovery a lot easier. If you feel the need a shrink can help but You ,may be peachy and not need one. Though it is not a good idea... I was shy and bashfull for a long time... I would go to raves and party, dance and drink all of that was ok... I could not look a girl in the face and talk to her, even if I was drunk... So I bought some weights and worked out.. on and off. I got pretty buff and well toned. After a while I was able to talk to a girl since I felt good about myself. Only thing is after years of shyness, avoiding females and not knowing what to say... I would not bother with small talk as I did not know any or how, it was conducted just GIGO or basic info in - info out type Qs. A far extreme step is not a good idea in any way, it is a BAD idea!!! In my case, hitting 30 as a virgin was a event on the horizon that would falter my ego more, I found a escort that offered the services of a Girl friend for a fee.. This is pathetic in most cases i know.. My sense of self was not on the line but self esteem was. I explained that I had insecurities with approaching women, interacting with them and just about any other part so I was trying the reverse approach. Once your have tried the experience, hesitation and rejection tabled for a fee, it was the belief that I would be more open to Ladies.I had a beautifull session that was supportive and very fun which substantially diminished the hesitation of walking upto a girl.
Now that I can face girls and talk to them I still can not chat them up as they are not relateable, no common interests. They seem vastly less knowledgeable on interests a nerd like me would be into. Now I look the part, it is still agonizing to try and talk casually to a girl versus stating facts. Perhaps join a social networking site... and chat with people online they are much less threatening than face to face. when you do know the person that they are.. maybe if its reasonable arange a meeting. Maybe join a local social club, or volunteer.. Volunteer work helps me as much or more than those I serve... Helping the downtrodent gives you happyness in small doses, then when you see people who are otherwise truly down have a little hope and dignity in lieu of your service that could kick start something great.. You go home happy about yourself and its noticed by others.. hopefully a cutey that chats you up.. What ever awaits you I hope it's good.
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reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (25 January 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been using Plenty Of Fish for three weeks, and have sent 12 messages. I have not got one reply yet, in fact as soon as they read the messages, they deleted them. I don't know what I am doing wrong
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I understand where you are coming from man. I'm 24 and never had a gf. I've stopped trying to approach them because all I ever got was rejection. Even the fat ones have rejected me. Hell, is there any hope for us?!
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reader, shelley.cook88 +, writes (11 January 2009):
Find people with the same intrests as you so then you can start the opening email with you like to do that too or this or that, I always put
Hi there
I saw your profile and thought i would email you, i see that you like doing so and so or something along those lines, and you could mention about yourslef, your age, name, what you do for a living, what like to do in spare time, or just put i am going to keep this short and sweet, a few intrests of yours and that you hope to hear back from them soon. You will get set backs but think of it as that person wasnt ment to be.
If you have any luck meeting someone from there we would love to know how it goes and your story, lol hmmm! i so nosey! lol
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reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (11 January 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've just registered on Plenty Of Fish, and unlike other free dating sites I have been on, there are plenty of users. I have sent a couple of messages so will see what happens. Anybody have any ideas what to put in the first message, as I always find this a stumbling block and don't normally get any replies
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): hi i am 30 yaers old female who never had boyfreind so you ain,t alone there
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Dont worry you arent the only person lovely!!.. as one of the people up there said you can join websites such as plentyoffish.com , match.com, or you could even join sites like bebo or facebook and meet new people (social networking)! this way you will not have to speak to the person directly but only virtually there for you will get to know the person before or if you meet them which will make it easier it would probably boost your confidence aswell! and its not that there anything wrong with you its just that you may not have as much luck as some people but it will work out eventually :D and theres nothing wrong in living with your parents still my mums brother is 29 and still hasnt moved out my grans house yet he is comfotable with where he is living:D soo dont worry about telling people you cant afford to live on your own theres nothing wrong with that your just a regular person we are not all rich and can get anything we want! dont worry about being knocked back either when things arent going well they can only get better! you could even join places like gyms or places like that where you will meet new friends and get to know new people and maybe even a relationship could develope through it! hope my advice helps you hun you seem very nice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Hi there.
Confidence is a huge thing, why dont you try some dating websites as then you dont need to speak directly to them straight off you get to know them through email etc, match.com is good but you have to pay a fee of £60 if you dont find anyone in 6 months then you get 6 months free, i met my hubby on plentyoffish.com thats site is free it will show women of all ages from your area, i had split from my ex and thought i would never love and meet someone ever again 3 months on plenty of fish and i found him 6 months on we are now married and due to have a baby in July. Dont give up hope and i think that if you choose to meet someone from there then be truthful to her but dont make yourself sound too insecure. You never know she may teach you a thing or too, Keep going at it dont give up!! Good luck.
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reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Yikes! For a second there I thought you were me! Exact same situation as you except I'm 25. I did mope about it for a while but decided it's better to concentrate on life instead. I totally understand your situation about being knocked back. There isn't much advice I can offer you since I'm in the same boat, but perhaps you can start joining groups or volunteer at places with people your age. I've joined a couple meet up groups and volunteer at a few places and met a handful of girls. Working or doing an activity with them makes it much easier to start a conversation. Not sure if that helps but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): never even kissed? that must suck at 30, i dont mean to be mean but that is my worst nightmare. I am 18 and havent had any gf or anything in 2-3 years. I feel for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): You have to have more confidence! Go out and take it from there. Its always nice to be complimented on appearance, just try not to go over the top, flash a smile in there direction, and make an effort for appearance, once you've got some confidence built up inside you it gets easier
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