A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 25 year old female who is pretty independent. I constantly feel different from my peers, because I'm just not similar in certain personality aspects. I have never had a boyfriend. This has never mattered to me until about a year ago when I slowly realized I was 24 years old with no boyfriend or relationship. In high school I had other serious family problems and my mind was hardly on relationships at the time (somewhat, but the guys who asked me out at the time I had no interest in). After I graduated high school I remember wanting to date, but then I ended up focusing on other things (i.e., working, school, etc). Next thing I know I'm at tech school and I find myself turning down 2 different guys because we would be graduating/leaving soon and I didn't think dating was worth it (I rationalized this. If I could go back I'd date either, seeing as both were good friends at the time and we got along REALLY well). Anyway, next thing I know I'm at my place, and I realize I have never had a boyfriend. I've been on dates. I've been asked out by different guys (very rarely do I say yes it's usually someone I have no interest in whatsoever). I've been to clubs and danced with guys. I've flirted more than anything, with different guys. I just have never been in a relationship, had a boyfriend, or even real physical contact more than just small making out (and even that has been few times and most of the few times I wasn't sober -___-') and slight touching/feeling. It just NEVER seems to be what I am looking for, you know? The guy who will show interest in me is not the guy I am wanting to show interest in me. And it's not that I am holding out for someone better than me or anything, I mostly go off of personality, really. It's just normally these guys with awful dbag personalities that I am not attracted to, when the interesting or funny guys will be after a friend of mine. It's frustrating, and I keep telling myself I should just settle just for the experience, but I can't bring myself to because logically I think I deserve someone I will be satisfied with. I just don't know what should I do? I haven't had this conversation with anyone, because I'm embarrassed. 25 years old and NO boyfriend??!?!! It's humiliating. It's getting to the point where I am actually starting to care. I always just figured it'd happen, but now that I'm getting older I'm starting to get nervous. I am curious. I want to know what it's like to have a boyfriend. I'm getting to the point where I am actually starting to mind being single. I never thought I'd see the day, and I hate to say it because I feel like I am becoming just like my friends who revolve around guys. But why are things not working out for me? I am thinking it's because I seem safe and boring compared to some of my friends who are definitely more upfront physically and also play mind games with guys. I don't do any of that, really. Even when we're at clubs, I will flirt and dance, but it's not even to the extent of how they are. Is it because since I do not play the cat-and-mouse game I seem too boring? My friends seem to calculate every little move with a guy, and I find it ridiculous, but is this really what draws a guy into a relationship? Recently there was this guy who I was taking a college class, and he was so friendly and cute, and we got along really well! We had similar senses of humour, and he'd wait for me before/after class and during break, so we spent a lot of time around each other. Toward the end of the class I started kind of hoping he'd ask me for my number or something, because I definitely would have said yes. But he never did! I haven't spoken to him since before we took our final. I'm not sure what dorms he stays in, or where he works, and I wouldn't ask him out anyway (I'm not brave enough to make the 1st move). This is just ANOTHER example of a guy who I thought was cute and had a great personality and nothing happened! Story of my life. I saw him the other day on passing while at the BX, but he was in the barber shop waiting to get his hair cut. I didn't have the guts to find an excuse to talk to him. This is another guy who I end up going 'oh well' about. WHAT can I do to change this? I do want to experience what every other person my age is...... relationships. I'm tired of being single. I'm confused why I seem to have bad luck with who's asking me out. HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): I'm also 25 and single but dating. I think if youre interested in a guy, you dont have to ask a guy out. You just call them up and talk, show interest in varying ways but you dont neccesarily have to be the one to say Hey can I get your number?Ive been on dates where we both arranged it and I was very willing to meet, engaging and if I really like the dude, I wing and go for a kiss. Thats HOW I show interest, I also dont ask them out but would say man 'we should see that movie!I love Quentin Tarantino!!!' or give him my enthusiasm around his presence. So if you like a guy at school, just go for it. Just touch his arm, flirt a little, smile and SHOW interest and he'll be dying to ask YOU out. Guys need lots of positive affirmation that you want and desire them, often times they have no clue you were even romantically interested. Also, date online. YES...its so easy for women online. I have a lot of guy friends who struggle because women dont reply, but women tend to get the easy side of online dating. Dont like a message, block. Like a message? Reply. Its just that simple. And meet people. Have fun. Smile at men, talk about philosophy, your passions, your joys, your life and listen to theirs as well (Men are human, they want passion and love and listening ear too). SO far Ive met over 200 great guys from online dating and its been great. I even met the guy of dream but he let me go but that didnt stop me from meeting more people and having an awesome pool of friends! yes Im 25 and have met over 200 people offline, no not talk to 200, I met them in person over coffee and went on adventures. So its doable. Love yourself from within, its okay being single. But if you want a boyfriend, go for it! your life is in your hands. nothing beats sitting next to your boo and looking into their eyes and knowing this moment is the most awesome moment ever. Or waking up together after a night of passionate lovemaking. Or listening to him talk about his passions or having him lay with you while you brush off a strand of his hair or kiss your guy because you know hes yours. Its the best feeling in the world. And you can have it, just got to say yes when the moment comes. Good luck girl!
A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (6 January 2016):
 I will never advice you to go online dating in this your current situation. ONLINE DATING SUCKS. I used to think I was the only one who has never had a bf. Okay mine is a little different but I would share. I have dated 3 guys all of whom I never had anything in common with which made me feel more single and more miserable while dating.
I decided to makeup my mind and know what I want. I am currently single now and happy. Though, I have some momentary lapse as to wanting to be in a relationship. Noone is perfect. I am telling you this not because I want you to think like me but because I understand where you are coming from and do not want you to make the same mistake I made even though I am younger than you. The best relationships happen naturally well at least according to me.
It sounds to me you want to date because you are no longer happy beings single and almost everyone around you has either had a relationship or something. But do you realize that happiness comes from within. A relationship won't make you happy if you are not a happy person or if you get into a relationship for the sake of being in one.
I stated earlier that I dated guys I had no interest in just because I thought about my age and most of my friends seemed happy in their relationship. So I thought. You need to find a way to calm yourself. The guys you are interested in that dont approach you, maybe you need to smile or as they say give them the green light. I myself have been told I frown a lot by guys I had interest in that never approached me. Smile more often. And give the green light. Do not settle for less.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 I think you are relying on a guy to make the first move on you. But you need to show interest as well. There is a guy there that you like yet you won't make a move. You need to make an effort when you like someone, life is to short to let the opportunity go by. If you got on well with him then find him on social media and start having conversations with him, you don't need to ask him out you just need to show an interest.
Also maybe you could try giving internet dating a go. You get to meet new people and get to know them. It is worth a try. Don't settle for someone who you have no interest him, however maybe you could give someone a chance and just see how it goes. You are still young. No panic.
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