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male
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anonymous
writes: I am a married man of 2 years now, im 22 years old, and i have been through the ups and downs with my wife, and am currently in marriage counseling, well what it has been now for about a wwek is i have a co-worker that i have worked with for about 1 year now, and we finally got to work together alone after so long, well some things came up, and i have always found her attractive and smart, and all that, well we almost end up kissing, our lips touched but she backed off me and said she cant do this. i know its wrong but it was an incredible feeling that i have not experienced in a long time. im too confused on how to handle this.
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (8 July 2006):
 First of all let me say that it is honourable that you got married at a young age, but that also seems to be your downfall. You are a young man with all this passion and feeling and thats why you are in the situation you are in. You have some sort of chemistry with this other woman, but that is all it can be. You made vows to your wife and she to you, you have to keep them and not allow anyone else to coem between the two of you. Its normal to find other women attractive at your young age, and even if you were older you will still find others attractive but you made a LIFE long comitment and you need to stick to them. Marriage is honourable and a blessing from God, dont break your vows. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 July 2006):
 (1) You are married and you have made a commitment with your wife - you just have to think how you would feel if it were her having a fling in the office. Glad to hear you are going to counselling for your marriage. You should identify that your problem is your marriage and that the office fling is just a distraction from that. It is a question of priorities really - fixed the wounded marriage, don't put a plaster over it with a fling in the hope that it will make you feel better.
(2) If you do anything with the girl in work then you have to think about the long term implications. The girl clearly backed off because you were married - she obviously thinks too much of herself to want to be your second choice, and may always resent you for your marital status. If you did have a fling with her it would be nasty in the long run because you would still have to see each other over the photocopier long after the romance or lust had died down. It is not like a one-night stand where you never have to see each other again. It is also the case that people having relationships in the workplace get a reputation (what the wrongs/ rights of that) and it may affect your professional life/ promotional opportunities as much as anything else because people often get judged on their personal integrity even if it has nothing to do with the job.
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A
female
reader, Lisho +, writes (7 July 2006):
 As you said yourself yourve had ups and downs, so maybe this is a down and you shouldnt let this be the basis of such an important decision.
I really dont think you should indulge in any office romance, because one if it all goes wrong its going to be quite awkward, and two its not the loyal thing to do to your wife.
obviously if you married your wife you care about her deeply so if you think that its over and you have a chance of love with this other woman let her know its over.
atleast then you have remanined faithfull to her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006): When you are married your life is no longer about pursuing anyone else that you can get a spark with, someone who is most attractive, most smart, most perfect. Of course you will find other women attractive, and perhaps find women who are better suited to you than your wife is.
But, once you are married you're supposed to honour and respect the commitment you made to be with that ONE person "until death do you part".
It's a shame you've got married apparently too young and too immature to commit to such a thing. You shouldn't be needing marriage counseling two years in to a marriage, nor be falling for someone else and allowing it to lead to infidelity.
Next time (in a new marriage, I assume) I hope you will take your marriage vows a little more seriously.
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