A
female
age
30-35,
*nxpectedSmile
writes:I'm 21 and my new boyfriend is 23. We both are living at home with our parents. I have never stayed or been allowed to stay over at a boyfriend's house. My boyfriend wants me to ask to his after a late night concert.(I don't drive for health reasons) He said his parents should be stay at his house for the night so he isn't driving back to my house and back okay with me spending the night. I feel so embarrassed because I know my parents will not be okay with it. I get that I am 21 but I am living under their roof for now and I want to show respect for them plus I have 2 younger sisters and I want to set a good example for. I just don't know what to do in this situation. My boyfriend keeps saying but your 21 going on 22. Why can't you? I have had other boyfriends say the same thing. Embarrassing to be 21 and can barely go anywhere.
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female
reader, UnxpectedSmile +, writes (11 June 2011):
UnxpectedSmile is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think there biggest fear is me getting pregnant.Which I won't because there will be no sex going on that night or any other night for that matter. You're right it's about time I have this talk with them. Btw: He doesn't mind driving me back home it's just the concert won't be over until around 11pm and its about two hours from my home so he would be out driving on a Friday night with people coming home from bars and clubs. I would feel safer with us being off the road.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): It may be embarrassing but you really need to have a talk with your parents. You are an adult now and they need to come to terms with it as this is the sort of thing that could well end up ruining any relationships you might have and make you extremely unhappy. At 21, nearly 22 to never have stayed over at any bfs, would be considered a good example by most people.
CindyCares is right to an extent, if you live in their house and get financial support then ultimately if they won't compromise you should accept it or move out. However it doesn't mean you can't discuss this with them. They're your parents, they chose to bring you into the world and ideally should put your happiness before their own wants and beliefs. Any mistakes are yours to make, they've done their part, told you what they think is best and it's time to let you live your own life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I think dmartin89 is right : their house, their rules.
Necessary disclaimer : I am a very laid back parent who would not dream of interfering in the sexual/social life of a 21 y.o. daughter, same as I do not interfere in that of my 21 y.o. son. , and I think your parents are exceedingly controlling.
But , you don't live with me, you live with them, and they may have their own reasons, that you have to respect even if you don't agree. Maybe they are very religious and don't want to endorse or facilitate what they consider a sin. Maybe they feel uneasy by what , in a way, is flaunting your sexuality in their faces , maybe they are afraid that your younger sisters will pipe up " I want to sleep out too " , and it will be difficult to convince them that you can just because you are a few years older . Maybe they don't like your boyfriend ( who btw does not seem a very considerate guy, what's the big deal with having to drive a bit more to take you home ?)
Whatever their reasons are,... it's too convenient wanting to be "free " and " independent " while accepting, if not full financial support, a roof over your head.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I think that the ball is in your court here,TELL your parents that you are staying at your boyfriends house and if they question it remind them that you are nearly 22 you love your boyfriend and as an adult you don't need their permission to stay at his house and you would like them to respect your wishes as you have theirs, by being a responsible adult and showing a good image to your younger sisters.
I was living with a bf when i was 18 and although he was allowed to stay over i felt uncomfortable and wanted to have more space with him so we moved in together.
Your parents need to realize that your an adult now and your big enough to make your own decisions, just reassure them that they have done a good job raising you and your have great respect for them but now they need to give you some freedom to do your own thing. They are probably terrified that you will get pregnant so a bit of reassuring should help put their mind at ease good luck :)
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Dont want to live by your parents rules? Move out..
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