A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 but I have to ask my mom whenever I want to go somewhere. Whether it's going out with friends, to a school event, or even going to the library after class. Although they usually say OK, she will sometimes pester me about where I'm going. I can tell she doesn't like me going out despite that I only go out 2-3 times a week, partial day. She likes to ask questions after I come home but it's not genuine interest. I can tell she's investigating that I didn't hang out with a guy. I usually prepare stories about my day to tell her after I've come home. Usually funny things my friends said/done. She'd think it's totally weird if I didn't report anything when I got home. I've only had good boyfriends and she's hated all of them for various reasons. I never share any relationship details with her anymore (I used to be very open with her) and she tries to find out. And she constantly hints throughout the day that I "better not be dating some guy" and that I "fool around" or go out too much, etc. I'm a very well-behaved and honest kid (well 21 y/o kid) and a horrible liar. She's starting to get on my nerves. She doesn't treat my younger high school sister the same way. How can I get more freedom?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): Hey, I'm 20 and my mom is the exact same way. I still live at home. My parents didn't let me attend a college out of state (or out of city) and I regret not doing so tremendously, I feel as though people like you and me need a taste of freedom before we go out into the big world. Unfortunately, while you are under her roof, she is responsible for you and she probably doesn't sleep at night, knowing you are out. That is just how moms are. Even if you were 27 and living with her, she would feel the same way. I say it's time to make some plans to move out. Get a good job, get a car, and save money. Then find a roommate or just move out into a small apartment by yourself, you have to start somewhere right? That's what I'm planning to do. Some parents just don't understand that we're not little anymore, and it's very difficult (I still have to share a room with my sister :/). Good luck to you!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2012):
 You have to ask for permission to go or you have to tell her out of common courtesy... it's two different things.
I had a similar problem but I was 29 and living in my own home... my mother would grill me for information about where I was and who I was with.
So I told her the truth once (at the advice of a great therapist who was helping me detach from mom)..
she called and said "where were you all night" (this was before cell phones and she could only reach me at home) and I told her (braced for the fight)... "out getting laid"
well she never asked again... because the rule became IF YOU DON'T want to know the answer don't ask the question...
IF you live in her home you have to follow her rules...
I'm 52 and still my daddy's little girl hon...
can you move out?
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (30 April 2012):
 she (your mom ) still sees you as her little girl. its hard for her to see you grow up, she wants to be apart of your life. she does this out of protection ,and love for you, even tough she is wanting control over you.
she does not see you as 21 but as her daughter , her kid. the best thing you can do is either move out, or have a talk with her and let her know how all this is effecting you,and your relationship with your mom.
but you may have to get out on your own to get any freedom.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Move out.
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