A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Iam 20 years old and Iam so sick of being single. I have not been in a relationship in 2 years. Some people tell me to stop focusing so much on finding a boyfriend but I cant. I just cant meet any guy, let alone the right guy. I dont meet guys in college, at work, or even when I go out. The truth is Iam so unhappy right now, and the only time in my life I ever been happy was when I was in love. I have everything else in my life I could want. I have the GREATEST family anyone couls ask for. We are all so close and they mean more to me than anything. I like college and I do well. I also have a great job. Why am I so unhappy? I really think it is because im single. Why cant I find a boyfriend? What can I do to find the right guy? Should I just stop focusing on finding a boyfriend? Its hard because all my friends are in relationships and it feels horrible to be the only single one. What should I do?
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wantspaintogoaway +, writes (21 February 2012):
 We all hate it. Especially when we know we have more to put on the table than others. I too hate being single. Noone to wake up next to. Sometimes i wonder if i even have a reason to live.She was the only reason i was happy. And what do i have now? Nothing. Suicide seemed like a good idea. Miserable. No friends. No Girlfriend. And i never had a problem with that before. i Was always the guy with all the girlfriends. The one who everyone has picked on because i didnt go all the way with them. Because i wrote poetry for them. Because they always knew exactly how i felt. One thing in highschool is that the guys dont respect the girl's boundaries. I understand what your going through even when im only 18. Anywho. Good luck. 3
A
male
reader, warri0rpo3t +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I too have found that I enjoy everything in my life. And for the most part I am incredibly satisfied. And then I realize how alone I am ..... And all that happiness just flies right out the dang window. I do not really have any advice, or I would not be this way myself....I guess that I am just trying to comfort you with a bit of relation to your scenario....Don't feel alone...
...............................
A
male
reader, Beamer32 +, writes (18 October 2009):
 I know exactly how you feel. I'm 19 and cant meet any girls. Everyone tells me to stop focusing on it and the right one will come soon enough...I think thats easy for someone in a relationship to say.
So advice time: and this is coming from someone just like you. Not meeting people sucks but you cant give up. Not focusing on it is hard but thats not what I'd say to do. I'd say instead of looking at it like there's relationship for you look at it as possibilities. You are single and can choose anyone.
Just wear a smile have hope and keep putting yourself in situations with lots of people.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Im also 20, also sick of being single. Im a nice girl (not self professed, that is the description everyone gives me) and yet the guys i meet are one of 3 types: a)an ass who's only after one thing; b) instantly put me in the friend zone (the majority of guys); or c) are unavailable in some capacity to me. The most recent guy i met was actually interested in me and was a nice guy. I thought "finally! Thankyou universe!" But no. He is a catagory c). He can't start a relationship now, its too soon after his longterm one broke up. Wanted to see me, but didnt really know what to do.We've just gotta keep thinking they are out there. These decent single guys. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve, no matter how hard it is to turn down the unsuitable guys (because of course its in the back of your mind: something could change). Hang in there. Im right there with you. We'll find them eventually.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): I'm a 33 year old man and single. I've never had a girl-friend. Even though I behave in a caring and gentlemanly fashion towards women and I dress smartly, it still just gets me nowhere with them. Don't women want nice guys, who actually care about them? Am I being too nice to them? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Dear female,I know exactly where you are coming from. You feel like you are all alone in the world, you wonder would anyone really notice me if I wasn't here. I've had that thought too, and it isn't in any suicidal way or anything like that. You just would like to know that in a relationship, you would like to think that someone is thinking about you! I doesn't make the world seem quite so big. But for that to happen i have to agree with the suggestions above love yourself. Do me a favour, Tomorrow wake up and think i'm going to spread happiness today. Whilst getting ready for the day sing in the shower. pick that top or shirt that you wouldn't normally wear because your saving it for some other occasion. then at work any chance you get smile or talk to someone you wouldn't normally. In general just be positive, because people are drawn to positive people. I bet you that someone will say 'your in a good mood, why?' and just say because i am. And with regards to meeting someone. Join a club. Go for a walk in the park. Just get out there.Because no-one is going to find you, if your stuck inside at home all the time. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Hey there, I feel the exact same way!!!! I am age 20 as well and I know what it feels like it seems like guys are either in a relationship or have no intention to getting in one and they are going after the ones that are "easy" rather then the ones that are attractive, smart, funny with a bunch of other qualities. Good luck to you!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): hey kiddo
beieve me you are not the only one who feels that way. we all feel like that at one time or another. i think it's just human nature to focus on the one thing that is missing in our lives, and yes it is hard to be single because its also human nature to want to be in a pair, bloody hell you get it thrown in you face enough times on a daily basis, christ even my microwave rice is to serve two!!!! :)
most of the people who replied are correct, especially the annoymous guy who posted on 24th you do need to focus on yourself. do you really think that having a biyfriend would make you feel complete????? sadly as women we have this notion of a knight in shining armour who will come along and solve all our problems but life is not like this. i do not say this do disillusion or dissapoint you but to give you a reality check, life is hard and difficult and so are reltionships both being in one and wanting one but that is the beauty of life.If it was easy and uncomplicated we would not take such pleasure from the brief moments of joy that pepper our lives.
so don't give up hope, but broaden your horizons you are a young intelliegent woman and the world is a fabulous place! a playground to explore so go out and have fun!
Just remember you are not alone. we all feel vunerable and lonely at some point in our lives even if we don't show it!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): Never rush love.
It will come when it's ready :)
Patience is a virtue, if you yourself cannot love you ... then how will others?
To have even posted this article shows how nice you are. Trust me you have nothing to worry about or rush for that matter.
The wait will be worth it in the end, trust me.
And to Eugéne who posted above, i gotta disagree with you mate. There is such a thing called love, but it ain't gonna be easily found. In this day and age you are right it is a rear breed, but by no means impossible. Surely theres a soul mate for us all out there, the world is very big after all? Just be patient my friend. That doesnt mean you should wait for it to come to you, no no, sometimes it is you thats gotta look.
If anyone wants to talk/discuss feel free to email anytime: [email address blocked]
Thank you and God bless.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (12 October 2007):
It's all in the numbers. You need to take the iniative and meet a lot of guys. Ask some out if you need to. Successful women intimidate less successful guys. So I suggest you don't flaunt your smarts or success. Nor should you apologize. Remember guys need their ego stroked and want to be needed. Never say I don't need any man.
...............................
A
male
reader, Eugéne  +, writes (12 October 2007):
 Hiya, I thaught like that before, Im worst off than Ive ever been, namely the girl that Im with is very complicated- I also want to find love- but she has a very different, approach. I am off all prospects of finding that someone special. In reality They dont exist, people are in relationships In this day an age for One thing- What can I take from my partner- there is no giving or receiving. Just take- And more take. You want Love, And thats rare. You would be perfect for me If we Were In the same country. We are I think a dying breed. Be good sweets. I hope you find Him- And dont become like me- Very moody and alone. x
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (12 October 2007):
 Maybe you're giving off some bad vibes. If you're anxious and desperate, it probably shows when you meet someone new. You've answered your own question when you said you should stop focusing on finding a boyfriend. Find your your self first. Once you find your niche and become happy in your own skin, you'll exude an aura of confidence and self-reliance. You'll be a magnet for guys.
The most important part of finding soMEone is "ME".
Write that down if you want, I just made it up. LOL. That sounds like something Tony Robbins would say. LOL.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): Hey sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely right now...i can tell you i was exactly the same i was single for years longer than you, and all i could think was "what is wrong with me?" or worry like real bad that im was gonna end up some lonely old spinster surrounded by cats...but i haven't NEITHER will you, it's impossible for someone to end up on the shelf for their whole life, can i ask you though do you go out and socialize alot? 'cause if you do you will have no problem trust me :-) maybe you're looking too hard, also if you're trying to hard to find a guy it will never happen because they can smell the desperation like a mile off (don't ask me how it's like a guys sixth sense)... but you will probably end up with someone who has less than 'honourable intentions' if you come across as extremly needy
The best advice i can give you is too socialize regularly with your girlfriends,afterall all if you're not getting out to meet people to begin with how can they find you? but if you go out on a regular basis fear not what you should do is just go out with your friends to have a laugh don't even look at guys or think "i wonder if any guys will chat me up tonight" just straight up go out expecting to meet no one and just enjoy life you're really young and you willnever be this age again there are plenty of doors of opportunity to guys to come into your life... do you have a hobbie? or something you have a passion for like music, art? put your passions into that...and trust me you will see positive results, you need to be true to yourself and learn to love yourself before a guy can learn to love you...Good luck i wish you all the best :-).
...............................
|
