A
male
age
36-40,
*imothy333
writes:hi I'm a 20 year old guy from England and I'm getting worried because I've never had a proper relationship with a girl, only some near misses when i was 15. I think my complicated life is perhaps getting in the way of natural progress. My mother has manic depression and have had to take over the running of my household because my father died in the summer.I'm really embarrassed to have this problem because both my father and uncle were in the army as officers and were brave men who would have never had these problems.Also, I can't really talk to my family because their very middle class and a military family. You can't discuss this kind of stuff with them.I'm not bad-looking and I think my family expected me to have girls chasing me. When I'm around any women I like I seem to freeze up and struggle to make a impact. Its frustrating because i'm relatively used to pressure and I play a lot of sports etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): I am 22 and only recently entered into my first relationship. Until this year, no one had ever hit on me or flirted with me or liked me. I had never really had any guy friends before because I was so shy and didn't know how to act around guys, so I would just freeze up. It is also the first relationship for my boyfriend (he is 23).
What really changed things for me was moving out of my parents' house and to a new city where I didn't know anyone to go to university. It gave me a chance to start completely over because no one had any preconceptions of me. It also helped because I was able to be around people who had the same interests as me and would accept me as I was. I realized that before, it wasn't that I was unlikable or that something was wrong with me, but just that I wasn't hanging around the right kind of people. It took me several months before I started making friends, and i went through some lonely times, but I am so much happier now. Plus, doing something that I'm good at and being around people who share my interests has made me so much more confident, which has increased my attractiveness to other people, which then increases my confidence more, etc. It is a cycle that builds upon itself.
I encourage you to move out of your family's house and to a new city, if at all possible, especially since you feel that your family is holding back (I felt the same way, too). Try to start a new independent life and see where that leads you.
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