A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Im 2 months pregnant and found out 3 weeks ago. I am very confused about what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he is 7 years older than me he says he really wants me to keep the baby and we will get married when we are old enough. My father is furious and wants me to get a abortion. My mum is dead and I have no one really to talk to. My bf is good to me most of the time but drinks alot and is away alot also and when he gets back he can be very abusive and on ocasions has hit me. He always says sorry after and has not done it for ages I really love him but dont know what to do. I want to finish my courses and have a job and get everything sorted with us. When I talk about abortion or adoption to my bf he gets very angry and says its his baby too I cant do it. Im really worried and confused. does any 1 have any helpful advice (btw I was on the pill so nothing about using protection) plz help xxxx
View related questions:
abortion, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tryin2help  +, writes (29 July 2008):
well. adoption is one way. if he hits you it seems to risky to bring a kid into that enviorment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): i want to just say get rid of the guy but i know what being in love is like and its just not that easy. if you do plan on keeping to baby you should either get rid of your boyfriend or get him help because he may end up abusing your child and that could damage how the baby grows up. best wishes!!!! xoxo
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): That's great advice, if nothing else just listen to Country Woman.
Personally, I feel it's your decision. Your boyfriend has hit you before, and is a heavy drinker (and is away alot!). Those aren't great conditions to raise a child. Not to mention, not great qualities to have as your boyfriend.
There's a lot you need to experience before you have a child of your own. Having a child puts a lot of limitations on your life in the future; it's just, the breadth of experience you can have with a child NOW is just severely limited, especially IF your boyfriend is financially incapable of supporting you and your child (not saying he is, I have no idea, but if he isn't financially capable, it's obviously trouble).
Ultimately it must be your own decision; it is your boyfriends child as well, yes, but YOU will have to carry the baby, and bear the pain of childbirth. If your boyfriend isn't around much and drinks alot, the burden of raising the baby will fall on your shoulders and probably your father. Your boyfriend is a lot older than you, he's at a totally different stage of his life, and having a kid may be viable FOR HIM; but at 16-17, I just can't imagine you being ready. Again, the choice is yours, so please choose wisely. I hope it helps, I wish you all the best, sorry if I sounded judgmental, but to me, the right choice is fairly obvious.
And respect yourself, don't let anyone hit you/abuse you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Oh sweetheart no one can tell you what you must do, it is in your heart to know whether you want to keep this baby.
I think being around someone who is abusive - no matter how long ago that was is just not great and bringing a child into that environment is a very risky situation.
Your dad is furious because you are still quite young and right now you have an older bf who is trying to make you have this child. Your dad is looking out for his little girl and by having an abortion he still sees a future for you like college etc and having a career as children do change your life forever.
I think if you ask a lot of parents they will tell you that it isn't an easy road but the rewards are so great that you don't mind having the difficult times.
I think the main thing you should consider is how you would cope on your own completely? Think about the fact that what would happen if your bf hits you whilst you are pregnant or after the baby is born or god forbid harms the baby in some way?
What if your dad kicks you out of home and you have to fend for yourself?
Yes you can get financial help from the government to a certain degree and rent paid and council tax with income support but it doesn't stretch that far and nappies do cost.
I think your dad is just angry and upset and perhaps he would support you if you decided to have this baby and stay at home with him to help you raise this child. Your bf could still be a part of this child's life but if he is a drinker would it be wise to live under the same roof as him. I think you need to try and talk to your dad rationally.
I think you also need to get through to counselling services as none of us on here are professionals but their is the abortion helpline and also why not talk to someone like the Samaritans who can probably give you a helpline number for pregnant teenagers or something so that you can listen to both sides and make your own informed decision.
Can you go to anyone at all, do you have a favourite auntie or cousin you could stay with for a while so you can remove yourself from this situation and get a female family member or even a close friend's mum to sit down and talk with you. I don't know how long ago your mum passed away but if you do remember her and can remember what she was like what do you think your mum would say to you, do you think she would say keep this baby or not?
Children are a blessing and a joy but they are around for a very long time so also consider the fact that you will be both mum and dad if your bf is unreliable and also do consider the thought of adoption or fostering perhaps until you are a little older to cope with having a child in your life - check out all your options first before you make this life changing decision. You need to have all the facts in front of you but at the end of the day it is your heart that will tell you whether you can get rid of this child or not.
If I can help in any way at all please let me know but I am sure you will also get a lot of brilliant advice from the other aunts and uncles on this site to.
Take care sweetheart and a big hug coming your way from me to you. Try to stay calm and look out for yourself right now and this baby until you know exactly what you want to do OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
|
