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*o_ta
writes: I'm 18 years old. Now I'm studying at University. My group has got a trip so I ask my parents to let me go to the trip with my friends. But they don't allowed me to go.I'm upset and don't understand why they don't allowed me go. I think I'm an adult. I can take care by myself. And before I study at University, I have told them whether I could pass the entrance examination to Chulalongkorn University, I would like to go to the trip with my friends and they say okay to let me go.But now they break their words again. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2005): hi there your parents just want whats best for you the reason why yhey still make desistions is that they dont want you to make the wrong ones
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2005): I agree, dear-now that you are 18 and an adult, your parents need to understand that you must be allowed to make life decisions, on your own. They are just having a hard time-letting go only because they care passionately about you and would do anything to meet your needs. But that very characteristic that makes it extremely difficult for them to let go, is the same characteristic that lead your Mom and Dad to do so well when you were small- but, unfortunately it's also causing them to hold on too tightly when you are now grown up. Some parents manipulate their kids to keep control through guilt, bribery, threats, intimidation, fear, and anger.
Even when parents don't engage in these tactics-even when they merely mean well-your parents have to learn to let go. Get together with your parents, perhaps over dinner, identify the specific problem area, and tell them lovingly, but firmly, that you are an adult now and expect to be treated as one. However in your dealings with your parents, it may not just take one gentle confrontation- it could take LOTS of gentle confrontations.
For a time, you may have to constantly reinforce the way you want to be dealt with. Your relationship will become much more positive and constructive, but it will take time. You have to able to convince your parents that, as an adult, you want friendship with your parents, not "a line of authority from them." Of course, that's what we all want-especially when we are successfully navigating through adulthood. But most of us have to respectfully ask for it. Good luck with this..be gentle, be kind but make your wants known in a loving, thoughtful way. Don't give up and good luck.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2005): hi, i think that you should sit your parents down and explain to them that they promised to let you go if you passed your entrance exam. now you have passed they should stick to their side of the bargain, explain that this makes you feel that they had no faith in you to pass in the first place and they are teaching you that promises can be broken and it isnt a good lesson to be teaching you at your age. You are 18 and are still young and impressionable, try to come to a compromise with your parents, suggest ringing them twice a day to let them know how you are and address their fears of you going and try to get around them. if that doesnt work i really dont think they will budge.
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