A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, so I have a serious question about my personal life. Idk, but I find it really hard to find a girlfriend. I am a really good looking guy, and I realized that I am 18, and never had a girlfriend. Problem is, I dont even have any girls that I am friends with. In my opinion it's because I am foreign. Even though I moved to USA 2 years ago, and learned English with an incredible speed, I find it hard to believe that any girl would go for me. IDK, do you girls like guys with an Eastern European accent? I've just graduated High School last week, and I am going to college in 2 month, but even though everyone is telling me that my life will change in college, and that i'll find that one special girl there, i dont think it's true. I've been through High School, and NO girl was ever attracted to me. As I said I am a good locking guy, but for some reason I never had a long lasting relationship. Funny thing is, once I go back to my home country, I get many girls on my back. I had many girls before I came to US, like girls for "one night". But I can't manage to find a relationship for long time. And I really want to. I wish I could love a girl for more than a year or two or forever. IDK but I am a man, and this brings tears to my eyes that I can't find my second half, when many of my peers experience that feeling of having someone love, worry, and take care of them. I've never had then, and it makes me very sad. I know there are many girls out there that share my opinion, so help me out here. How did you manage to find your loved one? thanks everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Hey man, 18 here also, I am in a similar situation as you but I'm a very skilled practitioner of English (verbally at least) and I can say it doesn't matter. When it comes down to it, none of the physical and social achievements or whatever will do anything towards finding someone to love you if you can't love yourself, or if you can't accept others. I think my failed relationships in my early high school years sent me down a path of escape and fear because my confusion and doubts lead me to hurt girls and eventually I realized how much I messed up, then I developed a fear of failure and my power (to affect girls) and began neglecting myself and smoking weed habitually to disassociate from the me that cared, and fell into a continuous cycle and feeling bad and then feeling worse because I felt bad. And you have to realize I'm another guy who has it all. My looks, athleticism, and intelligence are above average and possibly even excellent, but that ends up adding to the problem because I feel like maybe I have some major flaw or something. Recently I went to prom with a very attractive and "popular" cheerleader type girl I sat by over the years in class flirting with and stuff, I knew she had a thing for me over the years but never acted on it. She was trying to get me to go with her and I was so scared I wasn't going to go but ended up going at the last minute. I had so many chances to open up and tell her how I feel and ask her to be in my life but I think I just ended up sabotaging myself. I just ignored her at school afterwards even though I know I could have pursued her. Eventually I was drunk (I rarely drink), and I was an asshole to her just to drive her away and protect myself. And sadly I realize all this stuff as I'm doing it, unfortunately I feel like until I can love myself and others unconditionally I will never be able to achieve the kind of relationship to fill the emptiness in my chest that has brought tears to my eyes. Sorry to rant about my shit but I don't talk about it ever and am really good at pretending to be just fine so I never let this out. I think you'll find a girl who will love you for you once you can also love a girl for who she truly is on the inside. Even if there is a language barrier, I know for a fact people have found love under way worse circumstances. And if you don't think the problem lies within you, I think you need to look at yourself and your life with fresh eyes or a new perspective because, "You don't see the world as the way it is, you see the world as you are." or something like that. I hope I provided some help and I wouldn't mind some help either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your support and encouragement. I'll try to do my best, even though I tried before. But I'll try to the point, when I'll find her!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I doubt you're not getting women because you're foreign. Maybe you're not sending them the right signals, or maybe you're not being gutsy enough and going up and talking to them. Are you approaching women and striking up conversations, or are you waiting for them to come to you?
I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself, the more desperate you get, the more women will shy away from you. You'll find a girlfriend in good time, but in the meantime, maybe you should join some new activities to meet new people, and you should also start making conversations and flirting a bit more. But, you'll get a girlfriend in good time... don't stress out about it!
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, jellybeans20009 +, writes (21 June 2010):
Me and my boyfriend are both 22 and this will be my first relationship and his first relationship since he was in middle school. He's also foreign and learnt English fairly quickly. I was the one he picked him up at first. We exchanged numbers and went on a few dates. We ended up liking each other A LOT. Within two dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend.I ask him what he likes about me and why does he like me so much so fast, and he tells me he doesn't know. There isn't a particular thing about it. To tell you the truth, I haven't the slightest clue. It isn't that I am particularly beautiful, smart, or charming. I am just me and it blows my mind that he would just want me.And he wonders the same. Sometimes, you have to look past what you think your self worth is. Sometimes you have to go out there, meet a lot of people and test the waters. Sometimes you just have to be a little brave and get what you want, especially if you find pulled toward someone like you've never felt before.It happens when you're least expecting it. This is coming from someone who used to read about this stuff alll the time and think, well how great is it for other people? But that'd never ever happen for me. And you know, i'm still in shock over this, but it did happen. And it'll happen for you too, but not if you don't take action.So go out there and find her. Good luck :)
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