A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so...the details aren't important, but to narrow things down I have been with the love of my life and my fiance for a while now. Today I am 17 weeks and a day pregnant with our first child. He has told me many times that he wants this baby and that he's happy we're having a baby and bunch of positive things about it. However, if I'm not mistaken, if he says these things shouldn't he act like it and play the part of a daddy as well? And he says he's excited about marrying me and saying he can't wait for the wedding and calls me his wife. But here's the problem...when he and I first started dating everything was fine. He called me nearly everyday and came to see me almost everyday. Now I'm pregnant and engaged to him and he's..different. He hardly texts me, I ask him to call and he says he will, but never does. I find myself waiting on him all the time. Whether it's waiting on a text, a call, or him to come over. And nine times out of ten it never comes anymore. Most of the time he'll text me later and say he's sorry and that he loves me and that he'll do better. But it's every single day lately. Always waiting. And then when I try to stand up and say..."Hey, you need to be here for me more often. You need to at least call if you can't come over." and everything, he ends up getting defensive with me. I don't understand what his deal is anymore. He comes around every now and then, but not so much anymore. And I tell him I love him and miss him. And..I dunno..there just always seems to be and excuse. I would assume he's cheating, but I know for a fact he's not doing that. So I don't know what it could be. He didn't start this until after I got pregnant. He stops for a few days sometimes when I stand up for myself. But then he goes right back to it. And I don't know if I can take it anymore. It's killing me inside and out. I love him so much. Help.
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female
reader, jmr1993 +, writes (10 December 2011):
 I'm 18 and pregnant, I'm due in less than a month. And if this is how he is acting, then I don't see it changing much soon. Maybe down the road, but not now.
I just found out I was pregnant and am with a new guy, who actually is excited and shows me. He is 20. We've known each other for 2 years but he shows me that he is ready to take on this responsibility while the real father wants nothing to do with it.
When the donor and I were together, he would tell me he would always be there if I ever got pregnant and that no matter what he would want to be in his child's life, but now he wants nothing to do with me or my unborn child. He's even gone so far as to block me on facebook.
I'm only saying this because even though a guy may say one thing, he can be lying. It doesn't matter how much he says it if he doesn't show it. If you really are that upset about it, you need to step back and really think if you want that stress in your life or if you want to move on and hopefully find someone who will truly stand by you.
I hope all goes well for you in the end. It's a tough road to be on, but you can make it through and you will make the best decision for you and your child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Sweetie...I was 14.5 pregnant 15 when I gave birth to my son.
I am now 32. His father was 3years older then me and fed me the same bull story. The reality here is he is immature & incapable of providing for you emotively mentally and financially. I am sure that he loves you, but he is not prepared for the responsibility of raising a child.
The best advice I could give you from my own experience is make the decision now as to weather you are prepared to raise this child on your own without his help. My sons father has not paid child support is a drunk and a druggie and about as useful as a rock & has been since day one. I made the decision to keep my son and raise him on my own, I lucky had lots of support from the community and family members. I took my GED, went to trade school , worked (sometimes 3 or more jobs at a time) and kept doing what I needed to do. My son now 16.5 he is bright, charming, charismatic and a true joy in my life.
I will say this tho...once I made the choice to raise him on my own I had to put a great deal of my dreams, wishes , and desires to the side and do what was in the best interest of my son. I would never go back and change that decision, but @ 32 I am just discovering who I really am.
If he sticks around and steps up to the plate that's fantastic!!! Take any help you can get from him.
However taking your post into account I hate to be the barer of bad news there is a good chance that when the going gets rough...he will get going...
Its your body, your baby...there are lots of alternative adoptions, maybe a family member can help. I have a friend who is 24 with 2 kids and recently gave up her 3rd to a family member for adoption because she wasn't prepared to take care of another one. she has an open addoption and sees the child regularly.
All I'm saying is the choice is truly up to you what is best for you and your baby. There are so many options available to you. let getting married and starting a family be one of them but not the only one. You have some really tough decisions ahead. If there is a friend, preacher, family member etc that you trust talk it over with them it will help to put your choices into perspective. It happened to me and everything turned out great I have a good job a smart well rounded son... so just keep positive and take care of you....Good Luck I hope all works out!
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