A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a huge deliemma and I'm so confused. I'm in love. One of my close friends loves me, but I am in love with his father!!! I am 17 and my friend's father who we will call Max, is 36. He loves me back as well. I know it is absolutly insane, but let me explain. I often spend time at my friend, who we will call Nick,'s house. He is a very sweet shy boy whom I meet at school and we became fast friends. He doesn't have many. I have sort of an odd family life so I typically go to Nick's house and am there often late into the night. One night Nick was out visiting his cousin who was in town. And me and his Dad struck up harmless conversation, as we talked he began to tell me a little about his wife, all he said that night was that she had left him and Nick. I found out in a seperate conversation that his Wife had a terrible drug addiction and actually emptied his bank account and ran out on them one day. She just didn't come home. I was the only one he had ever talked to about it, and at first he was hesitant because he thought I was too young to know all that information, but then I told him a bit about my family life, and he knew I understood him. It started from there and emotions escalated. It soon became a habit that I would stay long after Nick went to bed and his dad and I would go out onto the balcony and talk for hours upon hours. Then one day I had a terrible fight with my Mother and went over to his house hoping to talk with Nick about it, he wasn't home, but sure enough Max was. I was so emotionally distressed. I told him everything that had happened and even started to cry (which I NEVER do.) Anyways he hugged me and at that moment I felt such an overbearing sensation of comfort and love, that I kissed him, he kissed back a little at first then quickly pulled back. He looked at me and told me (very sternly, I might add) we should not be kissing or doing anything physical at all. Even though he felt it too. He told me he loved me because we had an emotionally strong bond and he had never had anything like that with his ex wife, but that I was far too young. That night we left it at that. Another night months later when Nick had gone ot bed we got into another deep convo and then again I felt a surge of belonging and started kissing him. (I kind of took advantage because a while back he told me he had not had sex in a long time) and he started kissing me and holding me close, but then after about 3 min of it he abruptly pushed me back and just became infuriated. He insulted me saying that I was too young to know what love was and I just thought I loved him. And that I couldn't know what love was because my family life was so fucked up. I left his house crying, and as I ran down the stairs and opened the door to leave I heard him upstairs, starting to cry too. I know he was angry with himself for kissing me but what he said was so hurtful and I love him so much. It's been a week and a half and I haven't gone back to his house. I haven't been more solemn and sad. I love him so much. i just don't know what to do. I want to go back and talk to him because I'm so in love with him, but I know our age difference is a huge factor since I am a minor. Should I at least go talk to him? I'm not sure, I don't know what I should do. Please help me.
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cousin, ex-wife, his ex, kissing, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (18 April 2010):
 No, don't go talk to him. Through his actions he's already made it clear that although he thinks highly of you, he feels any type of romantic relationship with you is inappropriate. I'm sure he does not want to compromise his relationship with Nick by messing around with one of his son's few friends.
Speaking to him will not accomplish anything except to make you even more heartbroken.
A
female
reader, Polaroid93  +, writes (17 April 2010):
It seems a shame to loose a friend, I agree with the coment above it's teenage feeling I get them too, but, that doesn't stop them being real feelings! I think you have best judgement as you know all the factors however I would say talk and say I think I like you but obviously nothing can happen maybe I shouldn't see you a while so o can get over yougood luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): I don't know "Max" and he may seem like a decent guy...but usually, any guy that age is only looking to take things from you. Like, affection, sex and other things...but it doesn't mean he loves you. Again, I don't know who he is, but I'd serioiusly consider letting this love go.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 No,don't go talk to him, don't do anything at all. Leave the guy alone. Listen, I know this will sound very patronizing and condescent, but- it's the truth: this is not love, it's a rite of passage- I've never met a 16 or 17 years old girl who has never been madly in love with a teacher, or a family friend, or their doctor their priest their sport instructor etc. etc. Some older,reassuring,protective male figure, particularly if the father is absent or not very close to the girl.Hang out with cool guys around your age and this infatuation will melt away in no time.
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