A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've been seeing this guy for a few weeks - we've met up about 3 times and i really like him, he seems decent and nice - baring in mind i usually have terrible luck with guys. The only issue is that hes just turned 27 and im 18 in a couple of months. There isnt a real problem with the age gap - ive been told im mature for my age and we get on well, but i know there will be when it comes to getting physical, because im still a virgin and hes obviously had lots of experience. The thing is, i feel as though im ready to have sex but ideally i would like to be in a relationship - and at his age hes probably used to doing it after a few dates maybe? The other thing is that i told him i wasnt a virgin :s He seems to be really keen on me despite the age gap but i know this will probably put him off- and although im not going to be pressured into doing anything, hes the first guy ive seen some kind of future or potential with. I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how i could approach this situation? I would appreciate it. Sorry for the essay!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): Just wanted to say a big thanks for all the advice people have posted on here - it really was a big help and definately steered me in the right direction as i told him i was a virgin and he was fine with it - said there was absolutely no rush and that it would be when im ready. Dont know how long he'll actually be prepared to wait but at the end of the day if he doesnt i suppose it is fate, i wont be pressured into it like some of you suggested i might.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): Woah woah the this guys is a creep. trust me when you are 27 and you look a 17-year-old girl and think that a man at 27 wanted to have sex with her you will feel sick to your stomach. you'll creep alarm should be going off. the question is where is your father?. Your father should probably constructed and installed the proper alarm system in your body by alarm system I mean boundaries of course. when I have kids god help if I have a girl she's going to have an alarm system plus a 24 hour electric fence and attack dogs with lasers plus boundaries. Please go for someone who is your own age.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2012):
 What is going to turn him off is all your lies. And you can't hide these things, he'll know you lack experience as soon as you go in the bedroom, and he'll find out your age one day and that will make it worse.Go tell him the truth, but prepared for his anger, the longer you leave it, the more he will hate and despise you. Your still a child, and your lying has proved this. You need to date someone your own age.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (24 February 2012):
PerhapsNot hits the nail on the head with her post. Everyone thinks they're mature for their age at 17. You don't hear 25-year-olds say that because by then they understand there is no such thing. No matter how mature you are, you only have 17 years of life experience. He has 27 years of life experience. He was 17 when you were 7. That age gap would freak you out then, but it's still very big now.
I don't know any decent guys of that age who date that much below their age range. The guys that do only do so because they know teens are naive and easily manipulated for sex. Hell, he'll probably even tell you the reason you two connect so well is because you're sooo mature for your age. Why, because it's a tried and true strategy to use on teens.
Look, I'm not trying to bash you here, just open your eyes. You're at a huge disadvantage here. You know this because you have presented yourself as being different than you really are--by lying about your virginity. You're already walking on your toes to impress someone you don't properly know. That's not what a mature person would do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Have you ever seen or heard of a teenage girl who did NOT think she was mature for her age?
Me neither.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2012):
 You must tell him you are a virgin. It may not put him off but he needs to know because until you are experienced it’s very different for you and for him…
To be honest sweetie… I personally am a big supporter of age gap relationships. My fiancé is 13 years younger than I am but in your case I strongly caution you to go as slow as possible in terms of having an intimate relationship with this man.
The differences between 18 and 27 are HUGE…. I know you are probably very mature for your age and even if he’s immature for his age, there are still lots of issues….
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): You think of a future with him? He's too old for you right now!! In 10 years you may have a kid. He's 37. When the kid is 10, he's nearly 50. You have a second kid. He's 45. The 2nd kid is 10 and his dad is 55. What happens when he begins to lose energy?
Also, you seem to barely know him. Why does he already know (the lie) that you're not a virgin??!!
God girl get a boy closer to your age. I don't doubt your mature to an extent, but this man is in a completely different life stage to you.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I was quite mature when I was 17. Many people would comment on that as well, but guess what? I am 27 now and I can tell you that the whole "teenage maturity" concept makes me laugh.Your actions are not of a mature person. If you were mature, you wouldn't be making up silly lies like "I'm not a virgin" when in fact you are. You wouldn't think that 27 year olds are used to sex after a few dates. You wouldn't pretend to be sexually experienced in order to attract and keep this 27 year old interested in you because he is sexually more experienced. All of this silliness is VERY immature and it shows your age.You have only met him THREE times and you think you're ready for sex because you assume the is used to sex after 3 dates? From the sounds of it you're not ready for sex. You only think that by having sex with him, you'll keep his interest. This is the biggest mistake that young, immature women like you make. Sex doesn't keep any man around if he doesn't have feelings for you. Do you want your first time to be extra painful and unsexy? If you do, then continue your lies. My suggestion to you is to tell the truth and go at a pace YOU'RE comfortable with sexually. Personally, I would advise you strongly against dating a 27 year old. Like I said, I am 27 and I don't know any normal 27 year old guy who dates 17 year olds. Only VERY few do and they're creeps trying to bang teenagers. If you want to lose your virginity to one of those creeps, keep on pretending that you're not a virgin. In the end, you'll be adding another guy to your "terrible luck with guys" list.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI
Firstly you need to come clean with him about still being a virgin, He will not be upset that you are, just upset that you felt you had to lie about it. Most guys will be extremely happy that the girl they are dating is a virgin, because no other man has been with them, hence you will be his flower so to speak. Just make sure that he really is the guy for you, and you will know he is if he dosen,t pressure you into having sex, and is quite happy to wait untill your ready. Just say you haven't been completely honest, and you would rather be honest from the start, then tell him.
mandy x
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
HI
Firstly you need to come clean with him about still being a virgin, He will not be upset that you are, just upset that you felt you had to lie about it. Most guys will be extremely happy that the girl they are dating is a virgin, because no other man has been with them, hence you will be his flower so to speak. Just make sure that he really is the guy for you, and you will know he is if he dosen,t pressure you into having sex, and is quite happy to wait untill your ready. Just say you haven't been completely honest, and you would rather be honest from the start, then tell him.
mandy x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Oh and about the sex situation, same rule applies as in any other relationship. Only do what you're comfortable with, when/if you're ready. I do think you need to own up to lying about being a virgin though, for both of your sakes.
You may actually find a guy of 27 a lot more patient and less likely to constantly try and pressurise you into sex than the hormone crazed lads of your own age.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): You have only been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. He is 10 years older than you and you have told him you are not a virgin. Not good. If he knew you were a virgin he may think twice about whizzing you into bed, especially as you are actually 17. He should be made aware you are a virgin so your first experience is tailored to that. Also, ideally he should be someone who is going to stick around so you don't feel used. So stop, you must tell him the truth and if he sticks around he's worth the bother - if not, he honestly was probably not in it for a relationship in the first place.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Two of my female friends had relationships with older men at your age. One went out with a 36 year old, the other guy was even older, 44 if I remember correctly.
While 27 sounds ancient to you, in the grand scheme of things it's actually still very young. Having said that, would I have gone out with an 18 year old at that age? Probably. Now (in my mid 30s)? No way.
Personally I find relationships with age gaps of 10 years or more a bit creepy while the girl is still a teenager. But that's just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): If you want to me mature for your age then tell him the truth about everything and let the consequences fall where they may.
Right now you are lying about being something you're not, and maybe losing your virginity without being in the relationship situation that you want, just to keep some guy you barely know who is 10 years older.
That is not what I would call acting mature. That's acting like a teenager who doesn't know how to deal with grown men and respect herself, and is making a series of classic mistakes.
If you want to be mature then you will lose your virginity on your terms instead of saying & doing whatever you think it will take to keep a guy you barely know.
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