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female
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*oth princess
writes: ello,i'm 16 and i had this friend that wouldnt stop asking me out and after 6 months of him asking me to date him he took me to a hockey game and acted completly different then he did in school so i finaly gave in and desided to give him a chance well after dating him for two months he was going away for two years and he asked me to marry him and i don't know what i was thinking and i said yes i would marry himwell we've been engaged for almost four months now and he came to visit since he's been back he's been acting totaly differentmy family wants me to break up with him and well they don't know we're engaged and i don't want to break his heart but i don't know what to do i don't love him anymore help me please how or what should i doengaged teen
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Well it has to be done (breaking up)... unless you're willing to live a miserable life for quite a while!
Just tell him how you feel. It might not be nice to break his heart but you can feel secure in the knowledge that soon u can look back on the day and laugh:-D
Time heals all (healable) wounds
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female
reader, hugs2muchgal  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 a similar thing happened to my friend.
he proposed to his girlfriend (my ex best friend) after a fight and a break they had had, thinking he really loved her and wanted to be with her forever. she accepted. they were only 15.
i thought it was dumb personally, especially since they ended up being horrible for eachother and breaking up. both are in better relationships now and are happy it's over.
so even if the guy is upset for alittle while, he will move on and eventually meet a girl who does want to marry him.
for your own happiness break up with him gently, then you will be free to date and have fun and enjoy being a teenager.
so good luck, listen to other people's advice, and lose the fiance.
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female
reader, goth princess +, writes (9 August 2006):
goth princess is verified as being by the original poster of the question no my name doesn't start with a T
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female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Curious question: Does your name happen to start with a T? I think I distantly know you!
I'm engaged at 16, but see, we're actually in love, and we've been together for nearly two years. Don't listen to what anyone else says, only you can make this decision. It has to be yours and yours ALONE. If I'd have listened to other people, I'd be alone and available to them for the rest of my life.
Ooooh, wait a minute. You don't love him, but you're staying with him so as not to break his heart???? Don't do that! That's a life ruining mistake! I was having a discussion like this tonight actually.
Answer this, which do you think will hurt worse? You telling him you don't return the feelings, and you think he's right for someone else, just not you, and having him hurt a while then move on... or marrying him, making the ultimate commitment, and then going through a messy divorce? Sympathy dates are one thing, but sympathy MARRIAGES are a HUUUUGE no-no. Find a subtle way to lead him onto the topic, and then drop the bomb. You can't go through life being a people pleaser.... I can speak from experience, I almost broke myself down doing that for 15 years. So if anyone has a right to say it, it's me. Don't do it, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
And f.y.i. if he goes on a spree of, "I'm going to cut myself" or something... he won't. And if he does, it's NOT YOUR FAULT. It was his decision because he didn't get his way. (Sorry I'm more so ranting than giving you advice, but I want you to know if you don't end it sometime, you're going to live one miserable life.)
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 This isn't such a hard decision when you think of it this way: do you want to temporarily disappoint him, or hurt yourself for the rest of your life?
Whatever he tries to tell you, he *will* get over it. Sixteen is far too young to play at engagement. And if you marry someone you don't know well enough to understand their behaviour, and that you don't love AS HE IS... well, you can look forward to a long future where you grow to despise him, and hate every day that dawns.
It's pretty simple, dear. You take him aside and say, "Sam, I hate saying this because I don't want to hurt you, but I'm too young to be engaged. I think when you asked me, I was too stunned to think things through. Now that I've had time to think, I know that I'm not ready for being this serious".
If he does something rash, like breaks it off with you, are you really that much worse off? You have to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who'd go from hot to cold in the snap of your fingers. And if he could do that when you're only dating, what might he be capable of if you're married? Yeesh! Believe me, you don't want to have to guess.
But if he's a genuinely nice guy, he'll surely understand -- after an understandable period of temporary disappointment.
Take it from someone who accepted a marriage proposal at 17 and lived to regret it: Don't ever allow yourself to be rushed or guilted into saying Yes to anyone, about anything, particularly something as permanent as marriage.
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