A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so heres my story, im 16 nearly 17 and im going out with a guy who is 33 nearly 34, we've been together almost 9 months now and things are great..its also a long distance relationship, he lives in another country but i plan to move there with him when im 18.My dad found out about us a couple of months ago and he completely flipped his lid, kicked me out and we also had a fight(yes physical) he wanted me to stop talkin to the guy (my dad doesnt even know we've met) and i said that i would stop...but i cant!! we have now met on several occassions...(this sounds like a internet thing, but it isnt i have known the guy for 4 years now, but its quite complicated...he USED to be my teacher...Doesnt teach at all anymore though)So far we havent been caught again, ive decided that if we do get caught i will just admit to exactly whats been going on, but if we dont get caught, how do i tell my family that ive been going out with my ex teacher for all this time?I really do need some help on this, and i know some people will reply with "it will never work" - "he is sick" - "he is too old" but i can honestly say that when i am with him age does not cross my mind, same with him...and what we feel for eachother is genuine.If anyone has been in a similar situation or would like to offer some advice on how i can tell my family that i am with him an that i plan to move away with him when im 18 then please get in touch!Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): im 16 years old..me and a guy whos 24 love eachother, my family hates it calls him a padephile and everything it breaks my heart that i cant be with him, its basically tearing my family apart because of this and they've cried to me asking me to stop it with him but i cant..i dont know what to do?
A
female
reader, x.Helpful.Cupid.x +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Hiya.
First of all..this is a very difficult question to answer and i understand how you must be feeling. I dont think it is completly sensible to go out with someone so much older as you really havent lived your life yet. I suggest you just be friends and wait a while to make sure your feelings are still there (not saying they wont be) and take it slow. I dont really blame your father for kicking you out, it is a bit of a shock. I think you should be careful and talk it all out with a trusted friend or family member if you are feeling slightly insecure about it xx
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A
female
reader, Catlova +, writes (17 January 2007):
Where I live, it is okay for a 16 year-old to go out with someone older, as long as he/she has parental permission. Since you are still a minor, your dad did have the right to kick you out, because he is still in authority over you. I would be careful, because is an age that can be a little bit sketchy, and parents will still be protective. For now, I would say just be friends with this guy, there is no law saying that there is a maximum age for two people to be friends, but just make sure it is okay with your mom, because sometimes parents of minors could accidentally mistake it for something more, if they are hanging out with adults.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno no no no!!! it definitly wasnt aimed at carrie!!! im srry that u thought that!
It was aimed at that rythm and blues person.
Thanks for the adivce guys its really appreciated!
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): hey...
its ure life and ingore wht other peeps say hun he sounds like a nice guiene person, but dont rush into things as you might regret itxx
gud luk
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 January 2007):
 Hi,
I dont think that was aimed at Carrie was it?
Just wanted to say, that my mate got married when she was 17, to a man who was 34. Of course everyone said "it wont last". But 30 years later they are still together. So you never know, what life holds do you.
I hope it all goes well for you, whatever you choose to do.
Its a shame that some people jump the gun, but im sure they were trying to say the right thing really.
Pedophile is a very strong word, to use against a man. I wonder if thats what people thought of my mates husband. Funny how things change.
Good luck Honey XX
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A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Oh my...I'm sorry I made it seem as if I was trying to tear this down instead of build it up. What I said was truly meant to help you. I was merely trying to help you to read and think further into decisions you are making at such a young age. :) I hope that our advice and thoughts have sparked positive choices in you. Enjoy life! -Carrie
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhoever that woman is who answered this frm the U.S...i think u are way out of order wot u wrote!
Sorry but u dnt kno him an u dnt kno me so who r u to say he is a peedo?
he left teachin 3 yrs ago an we had no contact UNTIL I CONTACTED HIM! which i did in a sneaky way but thats not the point, he didnt give me a number or anything i just found out for myself, maybe u shld call me a peedo instead? i dont care!
And as for u writin that he is screwin other girls...would i really stick around waitin for something that i had doubts about? i dont think so! i have been in a shitty relationship before and i aint about to fall for some bullshit again!
I know this guy and i know he wouldnt do that!
No before u think, we havent even had sex yet...so u might think he is screwin about but on the other hand, if he isnt it shows that he has a lot of respect for me.
We have discussed things about sex an i believe that he doesnt have any intensions of messin me around.
And u seriously doubt that he will ask me to move in with him? HE ALREADY HAS!
And he does go out of his way to come and see me though we r a country a part...people dont just do that for fun...it must mean something if he is doin that...do u not think?
Sorry if i sound like i am going on a mad one here, cuz im not, all i wanted was some advice and to be honest all u did is shoot me down, which i could do without!!!
Peace
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A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (6 January 2007):
Hey, girl! Great question! I have to bring this up to you, because you may not have thought of it...When you're twenty-five and want to go to cancun...He's going to be a much older man. As you get older, you're going to want to go places, and travel, and have fun and get drunk, and party your booty off like a normal young woman in the prime of her life. People change, and there's a good chance you'll end up with an old man who doesn't want to go anywhere, like a woman I know who is 53 and wants to travel, but her husband is 72. You've got to plan ahead. Hope this sparks more thoughts about age difference. In addition, my boyfriend's father is 43, and his girlfriend is 26, almost 27. They go to cancun once or twice a year, and they part as much as teens. So age differences, the same as age gaps, can have different effects. But consider your future and your ambitions before you consider moving in with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): Hi, what country do you live in? I am answering this to you based on my values and the laws that are pertinent for the US
You are a 16 year old girl who has her whole life ahead of her and does not know who she might really be or what she could accomplish if she set her mind to it, furthered her education and found out what about herself would light her up inside. Instead you have come under the influence of a man 18 years older than her, who has known her since she was 12 and he was 30, a man of 30 who sets his eyes out for a 12 year old is a pedophile.
A man who is 34 and does the same thing to a 16 year old girl is a pedophile that is smart and cunning, he has been grooming you for accepting him as sexual partner and waited until you were about old enough for him not to get into legal trouble. This man does not live in the same country as you, and I seriously doubt that he is going to ask you to move with him and if he does, your parents will not have access to you or be able to protect you from his control and abuse.
You should tell your father all about this, I am sorry that your Dad got physical with you over this and kicked you out, but I am wondering if you are just that defiant that he felt he had no choice? You are under his roof I assume and he has been loving you and supporting you all of these years, so why would you not think he does not have your best interest at heart?
Your body may be telling you that you are a mature young woman, but you haven't a clue what is going on here with this man that you are involved with...he could very well be dangerous, think about it, do you really think that you are so great that your love is so great that it would make him want to see you though you are a country apart and that he is going to marry you?
Men are not that simple, he is screwing other girls or women while you are apart, he is a 34 year old man with sexual urges and needs, and he is not saving himself for you...you are a kid that he can easily manipulate into havng sex with him by blowing sweet nothings in your ear.
Get away from him if you want to have a life!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): First of all I would like to say that your dad is totally not being fair. If his daughter is going out with an older male who truly loves her and if his daughter does truly love him then why not just let it be....I guess your dad just doesn't understand that he is a responsable guy and will take care of you...but show your family that he has a stable income and can afford a stable family and that he would never leave you. Sometimes they might just get under pressure from families and friends about a 16 year old going out with a 34 year old but if they truly love you they wouldn't care.....try confronting your mom or someone who you know will understand and ask them to help with your dad....hope you have a nice resolve
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