A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years now. He's 17, and I'm 16. Things were really great for the first couple of months into the relationship, and after that, they just kind of spiraled down hill from there.First, it started with all the lies. About this, and about that, and hurting me like you wouldn't believe. He would lie about simple stuff, and serious stuff. When I confronted him he would deny like crazy, until I could prove myself to him. He has been physically abusive and still is emotionally abusive. I've tried leaving him, but believe me it's a long story and it's hard to leave him.Which brings me to the subject. I'm not even sure I want to leave him--I want things to work, but after he's done so much to me (lied, broke my things, spit on me, forced me to do sexual things) I feel its necessary now. Help!
View related questions:
emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I have a crystal ball and I'm looking at it right now. I see a picture of you. Your 30 years old, but you look at least 20 years older after a lifetime with this man.
Your looks are gone due to the amount of times he's hit you and kicked you.
You have been admited to hospital various times, and now have a serious sexual disease which is eating away at you womb. Your not sure where you caught it from. It could be from your partner (whose never been very faithful) or the last guy he forced you to have sex with.
You don't work, you don't need to. You don't go out, you don't have any friends, you have no need of possessions.
You have children, who help you clean up the blood in the kitchen after he's kicked you silly because one of them made a noise.
He's had sex with you in every manner that a man can. Sex with him always includes levels of pain that you are familar with.
You can't have any more children, due to the amount of miscarriages you've had over the years. Your glad you can't get pregnant again, because you hate it when he kicks the baby out of your stomach.
Your happy to hear the news that he's got a new girlfriend, because it means he won't come home for a little while.
You hate meeting people you went to school with because most of them have sucessfull jobs and happy children.
You have one life to live darling, you need to find the courage to leave this man. You deserve better, so much more better. If he's spiting on you and forcing you to have sex now, imagine what he'll be doing to you in 10, 20, 30years. You will leave him eventually, make it sooner rather than later. Tell your mum whats going on, talk to your girlfriends, they'll tell you exact the same thing we've all been saying here. LEAVE HIM NOW.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You are typical of someone whom gets abused.
By taking him back you are saying your treatment of me is o.k.
Imagine a dog. It bites me, so i give it a doggy treat.
It does it again, so a give it a doggy treat.
This goes on for six months and i can't understand why my dog bites me, infact sometimes he does it three time a day now.
My friend in the pub says i had that problem with my dog.
Oh really. What did you do?
I got a new dog, but i learned something if this dog bites me i'm not going to feed it doggy treats.
No animals were harmed in this illustration.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, angel2311 +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I'm happy your alive for 1 and b4 I answer u , wanna tell u about what I went thro in the past. I had a boyfriend ( well at least I thought he was) who use to hit me too but I loved him tooo much to leave. He did it all hit, curse ,embarressed* me publicly, force me to have sex even with his friends and drug me. Until I snapped and had enough of his mess and stabbed him. Now he never thought I had it in me cuz he knew I loved him and to me he was the sexest man alive. But all the hurt made him a monster. I wasn't charged for stabbing him only cuz the cops found out he was planning to kill me. I was just a puppet in his world but came out alive. Now as for u it doesn't matter how u feel anymore. if he's hurting u its cuz he insercure of himself or is hurting also and need professional help not urs. Leave while u still have ur life cuz it doesn't matter if he just slaps u. That's how it all it takes to get from bad to worst. If he doesn't accept treament then leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 My sweet girl, this isn't loving behavior on his part. As much as you love him and want to change him, you can't. You simply can't change anyone else's behavior but your own. You need to talk with your Mom and Dad about this relationship and enlist their help and support in breaking up with this young man. One of the biggest problems in an abusive relationship is the fact that you get sucked into silence about it, become afraid to tell anyone about it and then start to feel that you deserve it. You need to break out of this cycle and get away from him before things get any worse. He shouldn't have been abusing you emotionally or sexually, and it sounds like he might have the potential to be physically abusive as well if he has spit on you and broken things, that's what usually proceeds physical violence. You aren't responsible for his temper or outbursts, and he isn't in control of them either. If your parents had any idea that you have been treated this way by this boy, they would be furious that he treated you this way. Please stop putting yourself in harms way and talk with your Mom about how to break it off with this boy. You need to stop worrying about him and start taking care of yourself. Your Mom will know what to do next. Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 I'd advise you to leave him.
If he is abusive towards you then he obviously does not have the proper respect for you.
It is always hard to leave someone that you have been with for a long time, and despite his abuse it is natural for you to still have feelings for him.
However, you must consider your own well-being and safety above all else. As much as you 'want things to work', if he is doing this after three years then it is not likely you will be able to salvage the relationship.
Again, I'd advise you to get out now.
...............................
|
